Forty-two weeks into drumming up content for Real World Wednesday, there's some part of me that wants to admit defeat and just accept being a bit shallow and ignorant of the larger world around me. Then, there's a larger part of me that simply wants to keep the day as it is: Something I created, that I control, that I can use as I please.
Today's Real World Wednesday is The Gratitude List.
What's that?
Well, again, forty-two weeks into drumming up content for Real World Wednesday, I have learned that there are plenty of people in the world who do not lead lives as obviously blessed as my own. So, last night, as I was pondering how I could run around moaning and groaning about a few pimples when there was a twelve-year-old with burn scars all over her body asking for help at the reference desk, I thought about a gratitude list.
This is different than a love list or a 100 things list. No, this is a simple way to start each day. For May, each Real World Wednesday will consist of a gratitude list, a list of no less than 20 things for which I am grateful. Feel free to join in here, or on your own blog.
It's April 30. That gives everyone a week's start to get thinking.
And just to get us on a roll.
Thankful
1) For a mother who understands me and a father who protects me.
2) For a boyfriend who challenges me to stand up for my beliefs and not just roll over and let someone else win.
3) For friends who put up with whining and moping and groaning and complaining from me and then complain when they haven't heard from me in a while.
4) For a job that requires me to use my brain and keep on my toes.
5) For a roof over my head, a car to drive and food in my fridge.
6) For the unfailing love that is devotion from my cat and dogs.
7) For an income that affords me the gas I need to have the social life I crave.
8) For a healthy body that lets me run, jump, swim, climb, snowshoe and breathe.
9) For a faith in God and a curiousity about faith that keeps me learning about my religion.
10) For a private high school education that let me learn without fear.
11) For the degree from UC Berkeley that has opened countless doors.
12) For eyes that see the world from a slightly innocent perspective.
13) For fingers that type 90 words a minute, letting me express my thoughts as fast as I can think them.
14) For co-workers who listen to my tales, emphathize and work with me to come up with solutions.
15) For healthcare that allows me to get the care I need, when I need it.
16) For feet that dance and bounce and prance.
17) For supervisors who have faith in my abilities.
18) For strict but flexibile parents who made sure that the best I gave them was really the best I could do.
19) For the strength to have open, honest conversations with WG about the future.
20) For friends across the country who care about what happens in my life.
Showing posts with label Religion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Religion. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Friday, February 29, 2008
What I Really Want to Talk About....
and what I will talk about are two totally different things.
I want to tell you the seventeen songs on my playlist for Sunday's run. Seventeen glorious songs that will carry me straight through the race! Yay!
But, instead.
I spoke to one of my best friends from high school on the phone yesterday. The conversation was going along just fine until we got on the topic of religion. Lately, it's been harder and harder to talk about my beliefs with my Catholic friends, because they cannot phathom ever going to a non-Catholic church.
My parents and my friends of different denominations (and those who claim no one faith or claim a faith but don't actively practice it) have been immensely supportive as I've entered a different path on my spiritual journey.
But the Catholics. Well, I suppose if they accept what I'm saying, then their own worlds would come tumbling down. If my friend last night accepted that there is a path to Grace that does not involve Catholicism, his life would have no meaning. He has spent his life coming to understand the Catholic Church, in his own way, and if he admitted that there may be those who don't need the Catholic Church, well, I believe he would need to be heavily medicated in order to continue to function in the world.
I think my favorite part of the conversation was when he, breathlessly, asked me if I was considering getting baptised in another Christian faith. Uhm, no. First of all, just, no. And second of all, I'm pretty sure they don't require a RE-Baptism. The Baptism my parents organized in February of 1981 is working out pretty well for me, thanks.
My mom, on the other hand, in response to my own statement that I certainly don't remember ever hearing that those who aren't Catholic are saved only by the fact that the Catholic Church exists in the world, had this to say:
"I vaguely remember that line in my religious education, but as I didn't believe it, I just ignored it - and as your father feels the same, we certainly never passed that haughty belief onto you!!"
While I mourn what may be the passing of that friendship (I'm not sure he'll be able to stay in the same room seeing as how I not only date a non-Catholic but also <> hope to marry that non-Catholic someday), I celebrate the freedom I have to practice my own faith. I celebrate the fact that my parents encouraged me to question the world around me. I celebrate the fact that I have any faith at all.
I want to tell you the seventeen songs on my playlist for Sunday's run. Seventeen glorious songs that will carry me straight through the race! Yay!
But, instead.
I spoke to one of my best friends from high school on the phone yesterday. The conversation was going along just fine until we got on the topic of religion. Lately, it's been harder and harder to talk about my beliefs with my Catholic friends, because they cannot phathom ever going to a non-Catholic church.
My parents and my friends of different denominations (and those who claim no one faith or claim a faith but don't actively practice it) have been immensely supportive as I've entered a different path on my spiritual journey.
But the Catholics. Well, I suppose if they accept what I'm saying, then their own worlds would come tumbling down. If my friend last night accepted that there is a path to Grace that does not involve Catholicism, his life would have no meaning. He has spent his life coming to understand the Catholic Church, in his own way, and if he admitted that there may be those who don't need the Catholic Church, well, I believe he would need to be heavily medicated in order to continue to function in the world.
I think my favorite part of the conversation was when he, breathlessly, asked me if I was considering getting baptised in another Christian faith. Uhm, no. First of all, just, no. And second of all, I'm pretty sure they don't require a RE-Baptism. The Baptism my parents organized in February of 1981 is working out pretty well for me, thanks.
My mom, on the other hand, in response to my own statement that I certainly don't remember ever hearing that those who aren't Catholic are saved only by the fact that the Catholic Church exists in the world, had this to say:
"I vaguely remember that line in my religious education, but as I didn't believe it, I just ignored it - and as your father feels the same, we certainly never passed that haughty belief onto you!!"
While I mourn what may be the passing of that friendship (I'm not sure he'll be able to stay in the same room seeing as how I not only date a non-Catholic but also <
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Real World Wednesday
Living Simply
Today is Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent. As I have mentioned in the past, this time of the year gives me an opportunity not only to reflect on my progress towards my new year's resolutions but also offers the chance to do something new.
I have the motivation of doing something for Christ. Jesus spent 40 days in the desert. Jesus died on the cross for my sins.
Luckily, whether or not you share my same faith, you might consider these next forty days to revamp your own life.
I've started out by watching The End of Suburbia. After spending a weekend in eco-friendly Eugene (honestly, that is the most self-sufficient place I've ever encountered) with a vegetarian and a might-as-well-be vegetarian (though his reading of Michael Pollan's book has him wanting to go out and hunt his own meat), I'm thinking more seriously about the changes I can make in my own life.
I surprised the cashier at Trader Joe's by having my own bag for the dinner I picked up for WG and me before our photography class (did I mention the photography class? I will later, I promise).
I surprised myself by thinking up a little goal for myself: buy less. drive less.
What would Jesus do?
Well, Jesus was among the first of those who truly live simply. I believe that if He could do this, I can certainly see what it takes to scale back my clothing purchases, seriously consider if I really do need that Wii game before I buy it.
And contrary to the appeal of many magazine articles that urge me to go green, I will not throw out my current products. I will, though, consider more "green" cleaning products when I run out of the ones I have (how green is it to toss out nearly full containers in order to purchase something else?). I won't buy cute grocery bags...and oh, that's as tempting as buying new workout gear whenever I recommit to a fitness regime. I have bags. Though the 99 cent bags at TJ's are cute with their Hawaiian prints, I don't need them.
So, in light of the Christian inspiration surrounding the next forty days in my life, I will not simply jump on board the "green," boat, but I will work to simply decrease my carbon footprint.
In forty days, I hope to have adapted to the goals of a simpler life and be able to resist the call of the mall.
What change can you make?
Today is Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent. As I have mentioned in the past, this time of the year gives me an opportunity not only to reflect on my progress towards my new year's resolutions but also offers the chance to do something new.
I have the motivation of doing something for Christ. Jesus spent 40 days in the desert. Jesus died on the cross for my sins.
Luckily, whether or not you share my same faith, you might consider these next forty days to revamp your own life.
I've started out by watching The End of Suburbia. After spending a weekend in eco-friendly Eugene (honestly, that is the most self-sufficient place I've ever encountered) with a vegetarian and a might-as-well-be vegetarian (though his reading of Michael Pollan's book has him wanting to go out and hunt his own meat), I'm thinking more seriously about the changes I can make in my own life.
I surprised the cashier at Trader Joe's by having my own bag for the dinner I picked up for WG and me before our photography class (did I mention the photography class? I will later, I promise).
I surprised myself by thinking up a little goal for myself: buy less. drive less.
What would Jesus do?
Well, Jesus was among the first of those who truly live simply. I believe that if He could do this, I can certainly see what it takes to scale back my clothing purchases, seriously consider if I really do need that Wii game before I buy it.
And contrary to the appeal of many magazine articles that urge me to go green, I will not throw out my current products. I will, though, consider more "green" cleaning products when I run out of the ones I have (how green is it to toss out nearly full containers in order to purchase something else?). I won't buy cute grocery bags...and oh, that's as tempting as buying new workout gear whenever I recommit to a fitness regime. I have bags. Though the 99 cent bags at TJ's are cute with their Hawaiian prints, I don't need them.
So, in light of the Christian inspiration surrounding the next forty days in my life, I will not simply jump on board the "green," boat, but I will work to simply decrease my carbon footprint.
In forty days, I hope to have adapted to the goals of a simpler life and be able to resist the call of the mall.
What change can you make?
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Having Faith
My mom has a friend.
This friend believes that her children can do no wrong and that she has free reign to judge all other children and their respective parents.
Her children do wrong, as children do, but she's blind to it.
My mom and another friend have had to repeatedly defend my changing belief system, my changing church attendance.
This last week was the final straw. Right after asking what church I've been attending with WG, saying that she knows the pastor and thinks it's a fine church, she looked at my mother and said, "Aren't you worried about her soul?"
This has been nagging at me for the last week. I've talked to different people about it, and it still bothers me. My mom feels bad that she ever told me, but I think I needed to hear it. I think that, for one of the first times in my life, I am finding myself having to defend my religious choices. I was Catholic at a Catholic school from first through twelfth grade, so I never really had to stand up for myself.
It's true, my mom's friend, I am going to a non-Catholic church.
It's also true that I still pray the rosary.
It will remain true that I miss getting communion at mass.
It has never stopped being true that I believe in the Immaculate Conception, even if I can't explain it.
But what you need to understand, not that it's any of your business, is that I also now, for the first time in about ten years, leave church each week without being angry. I don't complain about the sermon or getting yelled at for several hours after church.
Again, not that it's any of your business, but I am also dating, for the first time in my (albeit limited) dating history, a man of faith. I'm not the one leading the faith train, and that's a relief.
Also, your children are often rude and hostile individuals, and I would suggest you concentrate on their souls rather than worrying about the soul of a girl who prays, goes to church, is not an alcoholic and hasn't recently taken up smoking to deal with the stresses of life.
And leave my poor mother out of this. If you have something to say about my life, say it to me, not to my mother, who worries enough as it is.
This friend believes that her children can do no wrong and that she has free reign to judge all other children and their respective parents.
Her children do wrong, as children do, but she's blind to it.
My mom and another friend have had to repeatedly defend my changing belief system, my changing church attendance.
This last week was the final straw. Right after asking what church I've been attending with WG, saying that she knows the pastor and thinks it's a fine church, she looked at my mother and said, "Aren't you worried about her soul?"
This has been nagging at me for the last week. I've talked to different people about it, and it still bothers me. My mom feels bad that she ever told me, but I think I needed to hear it. I think that, for one of the first times in my life, I am finding myself having to defend my religious choices. I was Catholic at a Catholic school from first through twelfth grade, so I never really had to stand up for myself.
It's true, my mom's friend, I am going to a non-Catholic church.
It's also true that I still pray the rosary.
It will remain true that I miss getting communion at mass.
It has never stopped being true that I believe in the Immaculate Conception, even if I can't explain it.
But what you need to understand, not that it's any of your business, is that I also now, for the first time in about ten years, leave church each week without being angry. I don't complain about the sermon or getting yelled at for several hours after church.
Again, not that it's any of your business, but I am also dating, for the first time in my (albeit limited) dating history, a man of faith. I'm not the one leading the faith train, and that's a relief.
Also, your children are often rude and hostile individuals, and I would suggest you concentrate on their souls rather than worrying about the soul of a girl who prays, goes to church, is not an alcoholic and hasn't recently taken up smoking to deal with the stresses of life.
And leave my poor mother out of this. If you have something to say about my life, say it to me, not to my mother, who worries enough as it is.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Real World Wednesday
Religious Freedom
I don't tend to think about religious freedom as an issue that I need to confront on a daily basis.
I spent twelve years in Catholic school, where it wasn't exactly odd that my family went to church. Then I went to Berkeley, where, though my continued practice may have weirded some folks out, the general attitude of acceptance and open communication tended to win out over any direct prejudice. Right now, I'm a Catholic going to a non-denominational church, and I feel less and less that I need anyone's approval of my own, personal faith.
Now that I'm older, I can also realize that this is a Christian country, in a lot of ways, and many people of other faiths may not agree with my statement that we have religious freedom in the USA.
I remember a few years ago when a local Sikh community wanted to build a temple in the rural part of the city. People freaked out. First, they claimed that the temple would be on land zoned for agriculture, but that argument fell flat against the dozens of essentially Christian churches out in that "agricultural" part of town (I say "essentially," because I'm still not clear if Mormons are Christian...). So, unless the city council wanted to come out and say they were uncomfortable with the Sikh religion, they couldn't get out of the temple being built. I drive by that temple several times a week.
In Church on Sunday, the pastor talked about a Chinese Christian who was pulled out of his house, reading the Bible, and taken to jail. The government held his 77 year old mother hostage, in the hopes that he would give over the names of other Christians. The pastor was amazed at the strength of this man, to sit and read the Bible as the police stormed his house.
As the words about a man who is not free to practice his religion flowed from the pastor's mouth, I knew that I needed to write about religious freedom, something I am allowed to have in this country primarily because I practice the dominant faith of the nation.
I will now make the "duh" statement of the post: People should be allowed to practice their religion without prejudice.
For example, those who practice Judaism should not have to come to work on Yom Kippur, and we should find a way for people who are not Christian to get time off for their holidays without having to take leave. I get Christmas and Easter off without even trying (though I do have to take leave on Ash Wednesday if I want to make it to mass on time). Can't we have some kind of barter system where those who aren't Christian can earn leave to celebrate their own religious holidays?
But beyond what needs to happen in the US, there need to be changes on the international level. People are fighting to be part of a particular religion; people are fighting to practice any religion; people of different faiths are flighting over whose is best.
There are resources that can encourage us all to help fight for world-wide religious freedom (or, even, the freedom to not practice any religion whatsoever, if that's your choice.
(while these sites offer interesting information, before giving money to any of these organizations, make your own investigations into their viability).
* International Coalition for Religious Freedom
* Center for Religious Freedom
* Compass Direct (information about persecuted Christians)
* Workplace Religious Freedom Act (information on a government bill)
* The Pope Speaks Against Violence in the Name of Religion
* Buddhist Monks Under Attack
If you have information you'd like to share about your own religion or another resource about religious freedom, please let me know!
Update: An interesting article in the NY Times talks about a possible solution to some global warming, or at least one worth investigating before it's too late to be of use.
I don't tend to think about religious freedom as an issue that I need to confront on a daily basis.
I spent twelve years in Catholic school, where it wasn't exactly odd that my family went to church. Then I went to Berkeley, where, though my continued practice may have weirded some folks out, the general attitude of acceptance and open communication tended to win out over any direct prejudice. Right now, I'm a Catholic going to a non-denominational church, and I feel less and less that I need anyone's approval of my own, personal faith.
Now that I'm older, I can also realize that this is a Christian country, in a lot of ways, and many people of other faiths may not agree with my statement that we have religious freedom in the USA.
I remember a few years ago when a local Sikh community wanted to build a temple in the rural part of the city. People freaked out. First, they claimed that the temple would be on land zoned for agriculture, but that argument fell flat against the dozens of essentially Christian churches out in that "agricultural" part of town (I say "essentially," because I'm still not clear if Mormons are Christian...). So, unless the city council wanted to come out and say they were uncomfortable with the Sikh religion, they couldn't get out of the temple being built. I drive by that temple several times a week.
In Church on Sunday, the pastor talked about a Chinese Christian who was pulled out of his house, reading the Bible, and taken to jail. The government held his 77 year old mother hostage, in the hopes that he would give over the names of other Christians. The pastor was amazed at the strength of this man, to sit and read the Bible as the police stormed his house.
As the words about a man who is not free to practice his religion flowed from the pastor's mouth, I knew that I needed to write about religious freedom, something I am allowed to have in this country primarily because I practice the dominant faith of the nation.
I will now make the "duh" statement of the post: People should be allowed to practice their religion without prejudice.
For example, those who practice Judaism should not have to come to work on Yom Kippur, and we should find a way for people who are not Christian to get time off for their holidays without having to take leave. I get Christmas and Easter off without even trying (though I do have to take leave on Ash Wednesday if I want to make it to mass on time). Can't we have some kind of barter system where those who aren't Christian can earn leave to celebrate their own religious holidays?
But beyond what needs to happen in the US, there need to be changes on the international level. People are fighting to be part of a particular religion; people are fighting to practice any religion; people of different faiths are flighting over whose is best.
There are resources that can encourage us all to help fight for world-wide religious freedom (or, even, the freedom to not practice any religion whatsoever, if that's your choice.
(while these sites offer interesting information, before giving money to any of these organizations, make your own investigations into their viability).
* International Coalition for Religious Freedom
* Center for Religious Freedom
* Compass Direct (information about persecuted Christians)
* Workplace Religious Freedom Act (information on a government bill)
* The Pope Speaks Against Violence in the Name of Religion
* Buddhist Monks Under Attack
If you have information you'd like to share about your own religion or another resource about religious freedom, please let me know!
Update: An interesting article in the NY Times talks about a possible solution to some global warming, or at least one worth investigating before it's too late to be of use.
Monday, October 01, 2007
You are Not Overlooked
Yesterday's sermon was just what I needed to hear.
The preacher (as I've taken to calling anyone who is not a Catholic priest...) went on for forty-five minutes about 1 Corinithians 7, which is a chapter about...SEX. Essentially, it's a chapter about how folks who aren't married shouldn't have sex but that folks who are SHOULD.
Other than the hilarity of having a preacher tell a congregation that they need to have sex, the sermon actually offered a great deal of insight into the...uhm...plight of the single person.
The preacher is over forty, unmarried and looking. He's not skeezy, he just turned his life around at thirty and hasn't found the right woman. But he is just a bit bitter, and he had some words of encouragement for other singles (single, here, embracing everyone who is unmarried, even if in a couple relationship). What he said that most resonated with me was, "You have not been overlooked. God has not forgotten you. If you are unmarried now, it doesn't mean that you will be unmarried forever.
I've gotten a bit emotional when getting caught in the trap of feeling sorry for myself because people all around me are getting married, people I used to babysit are getting married. There is no limit to the trap. If I get started thinking about the unfairness of my own personal plan for my life not quite working out the way I saw it, the only way out is to force myself out.
I've heard my mother say it, but I've also heard my mother wonder aloud why I hadn't yet met the right guy.
I've heard my friends say it, but I've also had them describe some fairly unattractive guys (meaning quality-wise, more than looks wise) to me in the hopes that I would just get a boyfriend already.
To hear a preacher say it, and to hear him say it after last weekend's conversation with WG, well, it was just what I needed.
I have not been overlooked.
Being unmarried right now is what I need to be, for the betterment of God's plan for my life...and let's face it, God's the one whose plan is going to win out in a battle between His plan and mine.
I have not been overlooked.
You have not been overlooked.
We have not been overlooked.
The preacher (as I've taken to calling anyone who is not a Catholic priest...) went on for forty-five minutes about 1 Corinithians 7, which is a chapter about...SEX. Essentially, it's a chapter about how folks who aren't married shouldn't have sex but that folks who are SHOULD.
Other than the hilarity of having a preacher tell a congregation that they need to have sex, the sermon actually offered a great deal of insight into the...uhm...plight of the single person.
The preacher is over forty, unmarried and looking. He's not skeezy, he just turned his life around at thirty and hasn't found the right woman. But he is just a bit bitter, and he had some words of encouragement for other singles (single, here, embracing everyone who is unmarried, even if in a couple relationship). What he said that most resonated with me was, "You have not been overlooked. God has not forgotten you. If you are unmarried now, it doesn't mean that you will be unmarried forever.
I've gotten a bit emotional when getting caught in the trap of feeling sorry for myself because people all around me are getting married, people I used to babysit are getting married. There is no limit to the trap. If I get started thinking about the unfairness of my own personal plan for my life not quite working out the way I saw it, the only way out is to force myself out.
I've heard my mother say it, but I've also heard my mother wonder aloud why I hadn't yet met the right guy.
I've heard my friends say it, but I've also had them describe some fairly unattractive guys (meaning quality-wise, more than looks wise) to me in the hopes that I would just get a boyfriend already.
To hear a preacher say it, and to hear him say it after last weekend's conversation with WG, well, it was just what I needed.
I have not been overlooked.
Being unmarried right now is what I need to be, for the betterment of God's plan for my life...and let's face it, God's the one whose plan is going to win out in a battle between His plan and mine.
I have not been overlooked.
You have not been overlooked.
We have not been overlooked.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
100 Things
A few days late, but nonetheless, here is my "official" five year blog-aversary post...a re-do of 100 Things. I may make this an annual event, but in any case, I'm redoing the list now. The first 100 (read the four part series) entertained and amused but didn't necessarily capture the essence of...moi.
So, here goes again.
1. I take an unnatural amount of enjoyment in the fact that I was born in Hawaii and try to work this into conversation with people I don't know so that I can see the look of surprise and mild confusion on their faces.
2. I wear one piece of jewelry everyday. It is a necklace with a variety of religious and other medals. I have been known to refer to it as my "mafia-wife jewelry."
3. There are times when I wish I didn't wear the necklace everyday.
4. Everyday, I also wear glasses. Now, when I wear contacts, my face feels naked.
5. Speaking of my face, since I started dating Wine Guy ten months ago, I've worn less makeup than ever before.
6. This is important, because I spent years telling people that I wanted a boyfriend who would appreciate me without layers of makeup, and now I have one. Fancy that.
7. I never actually wore makeup in high school unless I was doing a play, or when I went to prom or got all dolled up for graduation. In college, I only wore makeup for sorority functions, dates and job interviews.
8. I'm not a big fan of makeup, but I also have the odd belief that wearing makeup when in a big city actually protects the skin.
9. I do tend to come up with my own ideas of how and why the world works as it does. These ideas rarely make sense to anyone outside of my own head.
10. Yet it still frustrates me to no end when people in my life do not understand right away what I am trying to say.
11. I wish I were more patient.
12. Everytime I see a well-behaved, sweet smelling, adorable baby, my uterus leaps in anticipation, and I can't wait to hold my eventual children in my arms.
13. Each time a mother comes into the library with one (or several) screaming children, I am okay with waiting just a bit longer.
14. Though others may disagree on calling this a goal, it is one of my life's goals to become a married woman.
15. I believe that I have met and am currently dating the man I will eventually marry.
16. Only recently have I truly discovered that I am in absolutely no hurry to run headlong into the changes that marriage will bring.
17. I was born two months early and did quite well from then on, thank you very much. I believe this is a testament to my stubborn nature.
18. My birth was one of the only times I was early for anything.
19. I tend to be late, because I hate being too early and having to wait for people, especially if I don't have a book with me.
20. When I moved out last year, I took my crazy, needy, neurotic, wonderful orange kitty with me and left the two fabulous, talkative, loving dogs with my parents. I miss the dogs more than anyone can possibly imagine and wish I could see them each and every day.
21. I sleep better when there is someone else in bed with me. This can either be Marley (the cat) or WG (the boyfriend). When I wake with both of them scrunched up next to me, one on either side of me, it is absolute heaven.
21. I met my boyfriend online. There is no way I would have met him in the real world, because our social and professional circles would not have intertwined, and it catches my breath a little when I think that I could have missed meeting him had I not signed up for Match.com just one more time.
22. People in my family (even my parents, because, though they met in high school, it took years for them to date) tend to meet in unusual circumstances.
22. My father's parents met on a blind date, went out for a few months, parted ways, then got together again three years later. They've been married over fifty years.
23. My father's father's parents met when my great-grandfather was playing the trumpet in a jazz club in Bay City, Michigan. I can just imagine the sight he made, handsome and six foot four, to my teensy, tinsy little great-grandmother.
24. My mother's mother's parents wouldn't have met if my great-great grandfather hadn't died in New York while my great-grandfather and assorted relatives were en route from Italy to the US. Stalled by the news of their patriarch's death, they instead settled in France. I am sure there is more to that story. I suspect the mafia may be involved.
25. I always thought the story was one of the most important parts of a relationship. Now I realize that the relationship is more important than the story.
26. Snow Patrol has a song with line, "I want to hear you laugh like you really mean it, collapse into me tired with joy." I've done that. I can't wait to do it again.
27. My being stressed out tends to stress other people out, which only stresses me out more, because I don't want to mess up other people's days while I freak out.
28. It's only recently come to my attention that other people can take care of their own stress levels, and I can continue to take care of my own.
29. When I was in the fifth grade, I got glasses. The only thing I wanted more was braces. I so wanted to have both braces and glasses. I never got braces.
30. The fact that I never had braces is both a source of pride for my parents and a source of strange disappointment for me.
31. There was a period of about two years when I purposely didn't wear my glasses when I needed to, because I liked the way the world looked a bit softer around the edges when I didn't wear them.
32. I have no solid ethnic identity. I am a mix of Polish, Italian, French, Irish, Scottish and Kentucky Blackfoot Indian, and two of my grandparents (one on each side) came from the South. That means I am 50% Southernhick Belle.
33. I have blue eyes and blondish hair just like my daddy. But if you look closely, it's easy to see that I have the blue eyes from my mom's side of the family. This means that my looks are misleading. I take pleasure in confusing people with my looks.
34. I walk just like my father. My body is like a smaller, thinner, female version of his, down to the feet. I once found a picture of my grandmother when she's about 25, and her body looks just like mine, right down to the bony clavicle. It was the first time I had seen physical evidence that my DNA goes back further than just my parents. This both comforts and disturbs me.
35. I haven't spoken to anyone on my mom's side of the family in over four years.
36. There are days when this feels endlessly freeing and others when it feels infinitely sad.
37. I have a cousin I've never met. This is ironic when you consider that I spent a great deal of my childhood begging my mom's younger brother to get married and have a baby so that I wouldn't be the only grandchild. When he did all those things, it was after the great rift of 2003.
38. My cousin on the other side stopped talking to me later in 2003, and I've yet to figure out way. My grandmother won't tell me (though I suspect she knows), and I do miss the great conversations I had with that cousin.
39. It troubles me greatly when people just *stop* talking to me for no apparent reason.
40. Though my parents were both raised Catholic, they each had one non-Catholic parent. My parents, in turn, raised me Catholic but taught me that other faiths have value, too.
41. I believe this is why I am okay dating (and hopefully marrying) a man who would never be confused with a Catholic.
42. I did, indeed, survive 12 years of Catholic schooling. I will always be grateful that my parents didn't send me to the big, scary public school up the road, but I have nothing against public school in general. It's bad public schools that would have been the setting for many an adolescent torment that I am against.
43. I used to want a houseful of children. Six, seven, eight...keep counting. Now that I've moved beyond the age when I simply assumed children could be cared for like stuffed animals (the ones that bothered me got shoved under the bed), I realize that two is a much more reasonable number.
44. I have no siblings.
45. I have written a novel. Algonquin books requested 100 sample pages. They ultimately passed. This happened in 2004, and I have told relatively few people, because it seems like a failure.
46. I have not written anything even remotely resembling a novel since then, but I am just about ready to try again.
47. As a result of a wealth of things, I am far too sensitive for my own good.
48. I have a fascination with minatures - miniature dollhouse furniture, tiny pens, anything that is a mini version of something that comes in a larger size. I always crave one of those model-mini tents that they had at camping stores. Thinking about them now makes me realize I'd still be happy to have one.
49. For no reason other than that he played Lloyd Dobbler I have, and will always have, a crush on John Cusack.
50. His sidekick, Jeremy Piven, AKA Ari Gold on Entourage, has also long been a favorite of mine.
51. My other non-sensical crushes include Tim Robbins and Terrence Howard.
52. WG and I have finally reached the stage where we can discuss our "top five" (the celebrities with which we would not mind sleeping, despite our general feelings on extra-marital sex). I can tell you all of his, but I keep forgetting mine. I know that David Duchovney and Heath Ledger are on it...and maybe Matt Damon...
53. I love vampire movies. Dracula...okay, but I'm talking violent, bloody, obnoxious and lots of bad language. I'm talking Blade and Underworld.
54. When a boy broke up with me in college, I didn't cry. I didn't yell. I told him that his decision "lacked courage," hung up the phone and went to watch Blade. He is officially the only boy to break up with me.
55. I am in my first real, long-term relationship, and each week, each month presents new challenges and new things to appreciate.
56. I am a Catholic, but I have major issues with a few of the positions the church takes, though not the ones people might expect. I am also involved with someone who is not a Catholic, so it makes it easier for me to gradually absorb into another church.
57. Still fighting the ultimate decision to leave the church, I have not become familiar with our new church, and I can't even tell you the denomination.
58. I am convinced that I ran into a pointy-wall corner when I was around eleven and hurt my nose, resulting in the bump I can't stand. My mother denies this ever happened and simply tells me that I have her mother's nose.
59. I firmly believe that my dogs and cats and all other pets are better looking, better behaved and better tempered than other people's pets. I am sure I will feel the same about my children.
60. When I was 21, I had a 5 pound cyst removed from the webbing between my ovary an my fallopian tube.
61. I am mildly convinced that my best male friend is gay. This both worries me, because he is so staunchly Catholic that he would never come out, and excites me, because if he did, then I would have a gay friend. Yes, I have been influenced by watching too many episodes of Will and Grace.
62. I am beginning to realize that this list will make me look at least slightly ridiculous, but what's the Internet for if not to show myself for the naive, silly, quirky, quaint girl I really am?
63. I am both stronger and weaker than I think I am.
64. I don't like to swear, but every once in a while, something slips out. I either end up feeling slightly dirty or just a little bit proud of myself.
65. I admire my father more than I can possibly express.
66. I wish I went dancing more often.
67. I have two pierced holes in my right hear and three in my left.
68. I may want a tattoo someday.
69. I unashamedly listened to the Backstreet Boys all through college, but one of my dear friends and roomates listened to N'Sync and Britney Spears, so I never felt awkward about it.
70. The Goo Goo Dolls "Acoustic #3" makes me want to cry, same with Sarah McLaughlin's "I Love You," Simon and Garfunkel's "Bridge Over Troubled Water" and Bob Marley's "Three Little Birds," all for different reasons.
80. I love photography. I love black and white photography. I want a black and white photo lab so that I can indulge myself in my hobby instead of pining for it.
81. I don't give my mom enough credit.
82. I want to live abroad or at least in another state, and I can't bear the thought of staying in my hometown for the rest of my life.
83. I hoped that when I became a librarian, all of my doubts and questions about what I wanted to do with my life would cease. They have in some ways but not in others.
84. There are many days when I hate that being a librarian mostly means helping people use the printer.
85. In ten years, I hope to be married, own a home, have children and have published some of my writing.
86. Despite dating a winemaker for the last ten months, it's only been in the last two or so that I've come to really comprehend what goes into wine and winemaking and wine tasting. And that's because I read two books about the Napa and Sonoma Valleys.
87. I love to bake, but I find it's more of a solo hobby. I turn up the music and stir and bake away. It's awesome and calming and I feel like I'm doing something useful.
88. I want to learn how to bake fancier things. Let's add that to my 10 year list.
89. Though I sometimes feel fluent in French, I'm not really, and I crave the chance to be fluent in a language other than English (and "manspeak" doesn't count).
90. I want to cook gourmet meals, but there are days when I wish I could just go home and find a lasagne waiting for me in the oven.
91. I feel prettier when I wear jewelry, but not necessarily when I wear makeup.
92. I still remember sitting and watching my mom put on her makeup. It never took more than five minutes, even when she was getting dressed up. It feels like those years were too short, and I miss watching her scurry around getting ready for work.
93. I want to be artsy, but I don't know where to start.
94. I don't understand politics, not even in the slightest. I simply assume that all politicians are the same and that they're battling it out over mostly meaningless details. But I respect that Irene wants to go into politics, at least for a little while, and try to change the world...because she understands what that's all about.
95. I admire each and every one of my friends for different reasons and look to them as examples, in different ways, of how to live.
96. I really like my feet. They may very well be my favorite body part.
97. I may not be good at discerning the smells in wine, but I can discern the smells in people and animals. I love that Bailey (the German Shepherd) smells like sunshine, that Marley (orange cat) smells vaguely sweet, that my dad smells like Drakar Noir no matter what cologne he's actually wearing, that my mom uses Magic Noir, that WG smells like himself. My grandparents all have their own smells. My parents' house has a smell. It's the familiar, recognizable smells that I love.
98. The late afternoon is my favorite time of day, Thursday is my favorite day of the week, October is my favorite month, Fall is my favorite season. I'm also fond of sunny days in March, rainy days in June and fog.
99. I wish I could sing.
100. I love that I still find enjoyment in the little things in life, and I hope and pray that my children find that same pleasure in the world, whenever they should choose to be born.
So, here goes again.
1. I take an unnatural amount of enjoyment in the fact that I was born in Hawaii and try to work this into conversation with people I don't know so that I can see the look of surprise and mild confusion on their faces.
2. I wear one piece of jewelry everyday. It is a necklace with a variety of religious and other medals. I have been known to refer to it as my "mafia-wife jewelry."
3. There are times when I wish I didn't wear the necklace everyday.
4. Everyday, I also wear glasses. Now, when I wear contacts, my face feels naked.
5. Speaking of my face, since I started dating Wine Guy ten months ago, I've worn less makeup than ever before.
6. This is important, because I spent years telling people that I wanted a boyfriend who would appreciate me without layers of makeup, and now I have one. Fancy that.
7. I never actually wore makeup in high school unless I was doing a play, or when I went to prom or got all dolled up for graduation. In college, I only wore makeup for sorority functions, dates and job interviews.
8. I'm not a big fan of makeup, but I also have the odd belief that wearing makeup when in a big city actually protects the skin.
9. I do tend to come up with my own ideas of how and why the world works as it does. These ideas rarely make sense to anyone outside of my own head.
10. Yet it still frustrates me to no end when people in my life do not understand right away what I am trying to say.
11. I wish I were more patient.
12. Everytime I see a well-behaved, sweet smelling, adorable baby, my uterus leaps in anticipation, and I can't wait to hold my eventual children in my arms.
13. Each time a mother comes into the library with one (or several) screaming children, I am okay with waiting just a bit longer.
14. Though others may disagree on calling this a goal, it is one of my life's goals to become a married woman.
15. I believe that I have met and am currently dating the man I will eventually marry.
16. Only recently have I truly discovered that I am in absolutely no hurry to run headlong into the changes that marriage will bring.
17. I was born two months early and did quite well from then on, thank you very much. I believe this is a testament to my stubborn nature.
18. My birth was one of the only times I was early for anything.
19. I tend to be late, because I hate being too early and having to wait for people, especially if I don't have a book with me.
20. When I moved out last year, I took my crazy, needy, neurotic, wonderful orange kitty with me and left the two fabulous, talkative, loving dogs with my parents. I miss the dogs more than anyone can possibly imagine and wish I could see them each and every day.
21. I sleep better when there is someone else in bed with me. This can either be Marley (the cat) or WG (the boyfriend). When I wake with both of them scrunched up next to me, one on either side of me, it is absolute heaven.
21. I met my boyfriend online. There is no way I would have met him in the real world, because our social and professional circles would not have intertwined, and it catches my breath a little when I think that I could have missed meeting him had I not signed up for Match.com just one more time.
22. People in my family (even my parents, because, though they met in high school, it took years for them to date) tend to meet in unusual circumstances.
22. My father's parents met on a blind date, went out for a few months, parted ways, then got together again three years later. They've been married over fifty years.
23. My father's father's parents met when my great-grandfather was playing the trumpet in a jazz club in Bay City, Michigan. I can just imagine the sight he made, handsome and six foot four, to my teensy, tinsy little great-grandmother.
24. My mother's mother's parents wouldn't have met if my great-great grandfather hadn't died in New York while my great-grandfather and assorted relatives were en route from Italy to the US. Stalled by the news of their patriarch's death, they instead settled in France. I am sure there is more to that story. I suspect the mafia may be involved.
25. I always thought the story was one of the most important parts of a relationship. Now I realize that the relationship is more important than the story.
26. Snow Patrol has a song with line, "I want to hear you laugh like you really mean it, collapse into me tired with joy." I've done that. I can't wait to do it again.
27. My being stressed out tends to stress other people out, which only stresses me out more, because I don't want to mess up other people's days while I freak out.
28. It's only recently come to my attention that other people can take care of their own stress levels, and I can continue to take care of my own.
29. When I was in the fifth grade, I got glasses. The only thing I wanted more was braces. I so wanted to have both braces and glasses. I never got braces.
30. The fact that I never had braces is both a source of pride for my parents and a source of strange disappointment for me.
31. There was a period of about two years when I purposely didn't wear my glasses when I needed to, because I liked the way the world looked a bit softer around the edges when I didn't wear them.
32. I have no solid ethnic identity. I am a mix of Polish, Italian, French, Irish, Scottish and Kentucky Blackfoot Indian, and two of my grandparents (one on each side) came from the South. That means I am 50% Southern
33. I have blue eyes and blondish hair just like my daddy. But if you look closely, it's easy to see that I have the blue eyes from my mom's side of the family. This means that my looks are misleading. I take pleasure in confusing people with my looks.
34. I walk just like my father. My body is like a smaller, thinner, female version of his, down to the feet. I once found a picture of my grandmother when she's about 25, and her body looks just like mine, right down to the bony clavicle. It was the first time I had seen physical evidence that my DNA goes back further than just my parents. This both comforts and disturbs me.
35. I haven't spoken to anyone on my mom's side of the family in over four years.
36. There are days when this feels endlessly freeing and others when it feels infinitely sad.
37. I have a cousin I've never met. This is ironic when you consider that I spent a great deal of my childhood begging my mom's younger brother to get married and have a baby so that I wouldn't be the only grandchild. When he did all those things, it was after the great rift of 2003.
38. My cousin on the other side stopped talking to me later in 2003, and I've yet to figure out way. My grandmother won't tell me (though I suspect she knows), and I do miss the great conversations I had with that cousin.
39. It troubles me greatly when people just *stop* talking to me for no apparent reason.
40. Though my parents were both raised Catholic, they each had one non-Catholic parent. My parents, in turn, raised me Catholic but taught me that other faiths have value, too.
41. I believe this is why I am okay dating (and hopefully marrying) a man who would never be confused with a Catholic.
42. I did, indeed, survive 12 years of Catholic schooling. I will always be grateful that my parents didn't send me to the big, scary public school up the road, but I have nothing against public school in general. It's bad public schools that would have been the setting for many an adolescent torment that I am against.
43. I used to want a houseful of children. Six, seven, eight...keep counting. Now that I've moved beyond the age when I simply assumed children could be cared for like stuffed animals (the ones that bothered me got shoved under the bed), I realize that two is a much more reasonable number.
44. I have no siblings.
45. I have written a novel. Algonquin books requested 100 sample pages. They ultimately passed. This happened in 2004, and I have told relatively few people, because it seems like a failure.
46. I have not written anything even remotely resembling a novel since then, but I am just about ready to try again.
47. As a result of a wealth of things, I am far too sensitive for my own good.
48. I have a fascination with minatures - miniature dollhouse furniture, tiny pens, anything that is a mini version of something that comes in a larger size. I always crave one of those model-mini tents that they had at camping stores. Thinking about them now makes me realize I'd still be happy to have one.
49. For no reason other than that he played Lloyd Dobbler I have, and will always have, a crush on John Cusack.
50. His sidekick, Jeremy Piven, AKA Ari Gold on Entourage, has also long been a favorite of mine.
51. My other non-sensical crushes include Tim Robbins and Terrence Howard.
52. WG and I have finally reached the stage where we can discuss our "top five" (the celebrities with which we would not mind sleeping, despite our general feelings on extra-marital sex). I can tell you all of his, but I keep forgetting mine. I know that David Duchovney and Heath Ledger are on it...and maybe Matt Damon...
53. I love vampire movies. Dracula...okay, but I'm talking violent, bloody, obnoxious and lots of bad language. I'm talking Blade and Underworld.
54. When a boy broke up with me in college, I didn't cry. I didn't yell. I told him that his decision "lacked courage," hung up the phone and went to watch Blade. He is officially the only boy to break up with me.
55. I am in my first real, long-term relationship, and each week, each month presents new challenges and new things to appreciate.
56. I am a Catholic, but I have major issues with a few of the positions the church takes, though not the ones people might expect. I am also involved with someone who is not a Catholic, so it makes it easier for me to gradually absorb into another church.
57. Still fighting the ultimate decision to leave the church, I have not become familiar with our new church, and I can't even tell you the denomination.
58. I am convinced that I ran into a pointy-wall corner when I was around eleven and hurt my nose, resulting in the bump I can't stand. My mother denies this ever happened and simply tells me that I have her mother's nose.
59. I firmly believe that my dogs and cats and all other pets are better looking, better behaved and better tempered than other people's pets. I am sure I will feel the same about my children.
60. When I was 21, I had a 5 pound cyst removed from the webbing between my ovary an my fallopian tube.
61. I am mildly convinced that my best male friend is gay. This both worries me, because he is so staunchly Catholic that he would never come out, and excites me, because if he did, then I would have a gay friend. Yes, I have been influenced by watching too many episodes of Will and Grace.
62. I am beginning to realize that this list will make me look at least slightly ridiculous, but what's the Internet for if not to show myself for the naive, silly, quirky, quaint girl I really am?
63. I am both stronger and weaker than I think I am.
64. I don't like to swear, but every once in a while, something slips out. I either end up feeling slightly dirty or just a little bit proud of myself.
65. I admire my father more than I can possibly express.
66. I wish I went dancing more often.
67. I have two pierced holes in my right hear and three in my left.
68. I may want a tattoo someday.
69. I unashamedly listened to the Backstreet Boys all through college, but one of my dear friends and roomates listened to N'Sync and Britney Spears, so I never felt awkward about it.
70. The Goo Goo Dolls "Acoustic #3" makes me want to cry, same with Sarah McLaughlin's "I Love You," Simon and Garfunkel's "Bridge Over Troubled Water" and Bob Marley's "Three Little Birds," all for different reasons.
80. I love photography. I love black and white photography. I want a black and white photo lab so that I can indulge myself in my hobby instead of pining for it.
81. I don't give my mom enough credit.
82. I want to live abroad or at least in another state, and I can't bear the thought of staying in my hometown for the rest of my life.
83. I hoped that when I became a librarian, all of my doubts and questions about what I wanted to do with my life would cease. They have in some ways but not in others.
84. There are many days when I hate that being a librarian mostly means helping people use the printer.
85. In ten years, I hope to be married, own a home, have children and have published some of my writing.
86. Despite dating a winemaker for the last ten months, it's only been in the last two or so that I've come to really comprehend what goes into wine and winemaking and wine tasting. And that's because I read two books about the Napa and Sonoma Valleys.
87. I love to bake, but I find it's more of a solo hobby. I turn up the music and stir and bake away. It's awesome and calming and I feel like I'm doing something useful.
88. I want to learn how to bake fancier things. Let's add that to my 10 year list.
89. Though I sometimes feel fluent in French, I'm not really, and I crave the chance to be fluent in a language other than English (and "manspeak" doesn't count).
90. I want to cook gourmet meals, but there are days when I wish I could just go home and find a lasagne waiting for me in the oven.
91. I feel prettier when I wear jewelry, but not necessarily when I wear makeup.
92. I still remember sitting and watching my mom put on her makeup. It never took more than five minutes, even when she was getting dressed up. It feels like those years were too short, and I miss watching her scurry around getting ready for work.
93. I want to be artsy, but I don't know where to start.
94. I don't understand politics, not even in the slightest. I simply assume that all politicians are the same and that they're battling it out over mostly meaningless details. But I respect that Irene wants to go into politics, at least for a little while, and try to change the world...because she understands what that's all about.
95. I admire each and every one of my friends for different reasons and look to them as examples, in different ways, of how to live.
96. I really like my feet. They may very well be my favorite body part.
97. I may not be good at discerning the smells in wine, but I can discern the smells in people and animals. I love that Bailey (the German Shepherd) smells like sunshine, that Marley (orange cat) smells vaguely sweet, that my dad smells like Drakar Noir no matter what cologne he's actually wearing, that my mom uses Magic Noir, that WG smells like himself. My grandparents all have their own smells. My parents' house has a smell. It's the familiar, recognizable smells that I love.
98. The late afternoon is my favorite time of day, Thursday is my favorite day of the week, October is my favorite month, Fall is my favorite season. I'm also fond of sunny days in March, rainy days in June and fog.
99. I wish I could sing.
100. I love that I still find enjoyment in the little things in life, and I hope and pray that my children find that same pleasure in the world, whenever they should choose to be born.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
DC Talk
Okay, so I seem to practically live in DC, at least as far as travel is concerned. I've spent the bulk of my travel days over the last...four years?...here. It's strange to find this place both familiar and compeltely foreign.
I do appreciate that I'm staying with my friend (who's also getting married here in August, so I'll be back in just a few weeks!), because it gives things a less surreal feeling. I get to eat real food and have conversations with people who are not librarians.
The thing I miss the most from home right now, though, is being able to just text or call someone if I get bored. Everyone's three hours behind at the moment...which means when I was bored at 8 a.m., they were sound asleep at 5. It's kind of obnoxious. Why wouldn't they want to hear from me at 5 a.m. on a Saturday morning?
I was hoping that the distance would give me time to clearly think about a lot of things, namely the major issue between the boy and me: religion. It's not THAT big of an issue, but I have a nagging desire to get it solved now so that we can move forward.
This morning, it finally hit me: I don't have to solve it now. I don't want to get married to him for a couple of years. He doesn't want to get married to me for at least that long. There's no need to solve the problem right this second.
There is something I've learned so far at this conference: I don't have to have all of the answers to every question.
This can apply to my "real" life just as much as it can to my work life.
I've got lots of questions and plenty of time for answers.
I do appreciate that I'm staying with my friend (who's also getting married here in August, so I'll be back in just a few weeks!), because it gives things a less surreal feeling. I get to eat real food and have conversations with people who are not librarians.
The thing I miss the most from home right now, though, is being able to just text or call someone if I get bored. Everyone's three hours behind at the moment...which means when I was bored at 8 a.m., they were sound asleep at 5. It's kind of obnoxious. Why wouldn't they want to hear from me at 5 a.m. on a Saturday morning?
I was hoping that the distance would give me time to clearly think about a lot of things, namely the major issue between the boy and me: religion. It's not THAT big of an issue, but I have a nagging desire to get it solved now so that we can move forward.
This morning, it finally hit me: I don't have to solve it now. I don't want to get married to him for a couple of years. He doesn't want to get married to me for at least that long. There's no need to solve the problem right this second.
There is something I've learned so far at this conference: I don't have to have all of the answers to every question.
This can apply to my "real" life just as much as it can to my work life.
I've got lots of questions and plenty of time for answers.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Consequences
And I so hate consequences
And running from you is what my best defense is
Consequences
Oh God, don’t make me face up to this
And I so hate consequences
And running from you is what my best defense is
Cause I know that I let you down
And I don’t want to deal with that
And running from you is what my best defense is
Consequences
Oh God, don’t make me face up to this
And I so hate consequences
And running from you is what my best defense is
Cause I know that I let you down
And I don’t want to deal with that
~Relient K~
Warning (aren't I just full of warnings this week?): This post is full of Christianity and prayer and whatnot.I've been listening to this song a LOT lately. I've been thinking about what it means. It's mostly religious. Mostly Christian. It's a little bit about relationships, too.
One of the major things that WG and I discussed this past weekend was religion. He's Methodist. I'm Catholic.
He's willing to go to just about any other Protestant church (oh, how I hate that word. I'd really just rather say "Christian"), and I'm being called to put into action what I've said for years: that I could be Catholic but not go to a Catholic Church.
The Consequences song has me thinking about a lot of things. There are consequences to falling in love with someone who will not go to a Catholic Church but who wants to go to the same church as his eventual wife. There are consequences to me deciding it's okay to go to another church, because I'm looking for spiritual fulfillment that the Catholic Church hasn't given me in a while.
I've talked with a lot of my Christian friends, namely my parallel-life friend, about how the workings of Saints and Mary and all of those extra goodies that Christian churches don't tend to have. And she's asked me, many a time, "Why can't you just talk to Jesus?"
"Oh, I do." I say. But really, I don't. I'm not lying. I just don't have heart-to-heart talks, like she means. I pray. I say my prescribed words. And each morning and night, I talk directly to God.
But Jesus.
Oh, Jesus scares me.
I love Jesus. But running from him is my best defense.
I can pray. I can get choked up during Holy Week. But I also know that Jesus was a man and has lived this life. He knows all of the temptations, and He didn't give in to them.
Maybe that's why I want to go to a Christian church. Maybe I realized that it's time to face Jesus directly. Sometimes it feels like the Catholic Church keeps Him slightly at a distance...but that could just be me and how I practice my faith. I can't blame the Church for that.
It seems that the consequence to my spiritual hunger is that I've found the answers in an unexpected place, in an unexpected man with beliefs somewhat different from my own.
I will never put aside the Catholic label, and I will want a Catholic priest at my wedding. But putting myself in a different building. With a different type of practice, where we meet Jesus right there. Well, maybe that's what I need.
When I got tired of running from you
I stopped right there to catch my breath
There your words they caught my ears
You said, “I miss you son. Come home”
And my sins, they watched me leave
And in my heart I so believed
The love you felt for me was mine
The love I’d wished for all this time
And when the doors were closed
I heard no I told so’s
I said the words I knew you knew
Oh God, Oh God I needed you
God all this time I needed you, I needed you
I stopped right there to catch my breath
There your words they caught my ears
You said, “I miss you son. Come home”
And my sins, they watched me leave
And in my heart I so believed
The love you felt for me was mine
The love I’d wished for all this time
And when the doors were closed
I heard no I told so’s
I said the words I knew you knew
Oh God, Oh God I needed you
God all this time I needed you, I needed you
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
You Gotta Have Faith
Since all the cool kids are doin' it...
I believe in ice cream and the power of prayer. I believe that in combination, these two things can work miracles.
I believe that it is time to bring our troops home from Iraq and Afghanistan. They have been there too long, fighting a war that doesn't make a lot of sense.
I believe that when they come home, we need to respect that they fought for a cause they believed in and respect that they were willing to make a sacrifice for our nation, for the sake of democracy and give them the treatment (therapy, parades, what have you) that they deserve.
I believe in love.
I believe that love takes an infinite different forms, and that love looks different to every individual. Love does hurt if you do it right.
I don't believe that the boy worth crying over won't make you cry.
I believe that my life will change drastically when I get married and have children, that my relationships with my family and friends will not ever be the same. But I also believe that they will grow stronger over time.
I believe that in order to fulfill our roles on this planet, we have to be willing to change and to accept change, even if it makes me get a funny burn in the pit of my stomach and a familiar ache in the center of my chest.
I believe that I have found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, and that doesn't terrify me at all.
I believe that we should not choose our lifelong careers at 18 or 22 or 30 or 40, but that sometimes these careers choose us.
I believe in the unseen, the unknown and the impossible.
I am a Catholic, but I do not believe that I have to only go to a Catholic Church in order to receive spiritual nourishment.
I believe that abortion is wrong but that banning abortion is not the only solution. I believe that we should have more than "here's a condom" or "don't have sex until you're married" as our sex ed in both public and private schools. I believe that we should encourage adoption. I believe that life should not be over for teen mothers, and that we should encourage them to move forward in life.
I believe that day care should not be so expensive, that pre-school should be free and that mothers and fathers could have enough time off work to properly care for their families.
I believe that welfare and other government subsidies need to be overhauled and that the minimum wage needs to be raised and rents in good quality neighborhoods need to be lowered.
I do not believe in the forty hour work week. Life is too short for that, but I have to pay the rent somehow.
I believe that I will follow my future husband wherever he needs to go, but that he should be equally willing to follow me.
I believe that family comes first but that the definition of family is flexible.
I believe that there is life outside of California.
I believe that we do not use public transportation nearly enough, that we should all drive cars that get good gas mileage and that my apartment complex should offer recycling.
I believe that my life is richer now that I don't have cable. I believe that Americans watch far too much television and have lost the ability to converse.
I believe that the fact that I have changed in the last six months does mean that I have sacrificed myself. Rather, I have become more myself. I believe that in order for a relationship to be successful, both people involved have to change.
I believe that God comes first, and eventually, my husband will come second. My children will share that spot with him.
I believe that I finally understand why girls seem to disappear when they fall in love, and I'm okay with it.
I believe in honesty.
I believe that sticks and stones may break my bones but words can always hurt me.
I believe that we can rehabilitate criminals but that we have to get them when they're young and their records can be sealed, so that they do not have to deal with having a record their entire lives.
I believe that schools should not teach to the middle, nor to the test. Children should be encouraged to learn. Perhaps I believe that the montessori style should be brought up all the way through high school, at least to some degree.
I believe that, on the inside, we are who we were on the first day of 9th grade.
And, finally, I believe that an Oreo cookie shake can solve a lot of problems.
I believe in ice cream and the power of prayer. I believe that in combination, these two things can work miracles.
I believe that it is time to bring our troops home from Iraq and Afghanistan. They have been there too long, fighting a war that doesn't make a lot of sense.
I believe that when they come home, we need to respect that they fought for a cause they believed in and respect that they were willing to make a sacrifice for our nation, for the sake of democracy and give them the treatment (therapy, parades, what have you) that they deserve.
I believe in love.
I believe that love takes an infinite different forms, and that love looks different to every individual. Love does hurt if you do it right.
I don't believe that the boy worth crying over won't make you cry.
I believe that my life will change drastically when I get married and have children, that my relationships with my family and friends will not ever be the same. But I also believe that they will grow stronger over time.
I believe that in order to fulfill our roles on this planet, we have to be willing to change and to accept change, even if it makes me get a funny burn in the pit of my stomach and a familiar ache in the center of my chest.
I believe that I have found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, and that doesn't terrify me at all.
I believe that we should not choose our lifelong careers at 18 or 22 or 30 or 40, but that sometimes these careers choose us.
I believe in the unseen, the unknown and the impossible.
I am a Catholic, but I do not believe that I have to only go to a Catholic Church in order to receive spiritual nourishment.
I believe that abortion is wrong but that banning abortion is not the only solution. I believe that we should have more than "here's a condom" or "don't have sex until you're married" as our sex ed in both public and private schools. I believe that we should encourage adoption. I believe that life should not be over for teen mothers, and that we should encourage them to move forward in life.
I believe that day care should not be so expensive, that pre-school should be free and that mothers and fathers could have enough time off work to properly care for their families.
I believe that welfare and other government subsidies need to be overhauled and that the minimum wage needs to be raised and rents in good quality neighborhoods need to be lowered.
I do not believe in the forty hour work week. Life is too short for that, but I have to pay the rent somehow.
I believe that I will follow my future husband wherever he needs to go, but that he should be equally willing to follow me.
I believe that family comes first but that the definition of family is flexible.
I believe that there is life outside of California.
I believe that we do not use public transportation nearly enough, that we should all drive cars that get good gas mileage and that my apartment complex should offer recycling.
I believe that my life is richer now that I don't have cable. I believe that Americans watch far too much television and have lost the ability to converse.
I believe that the fact that I have changed in the last six months does mean that I have sacrificed myself. Rather, I have become more myself. I believe that in order for a relationship to be successful, both people involved have to change.
I believe that God comes first, and eventually, my husband will come second. My children will share that spot with him.
I believe that I finally understand why girls seem to disappear when they fall in love, and I'm okay with it.
I believe in honesty.
I believe that sticks and stones may break my bones but words can always hurt me.
I believe that we can rehabilitate criminals but that we have to get them when they're young and their records can be sealed, so that they do not have to deal with having a record their entire lives.
I believe that schools should not teach to the middle, nor to the test. Children should be encouraged to learn. Perhaps I believe that the montessori style should be brought up all the way through high school, at least to some degree.
I believe that, on the inside, we are who we were on the first day of 9th grade.
And, finally, I believe that an Oreo cookie shake can solve a lot of problems.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
IHM
While I almost think I should give myself a free pass on the fifth posting about inspirational women (hey, three best friends, three work influences...), I also know that there is one more woman that I simply must discuss.
In truth, I've already talked about her in the past, but I honestly can't say enough.
I'm Catholic to the core (though I may wander from church to church, you can't take the Catholic out of this girl), and our Blessed Mother is truly the one who guides me from day to day.
From the giant rosary hanging over my parents bed to the numerous medals that hang around my neck, Our Lady is a constant presence in my life. Through becoming a mother at the tender age of 14, she became the mother of us all. And it is Mary to whom I pray for guidance when I'm having trouble navigating the many layers of complexity involved in being a good woman. How do I be a good girlfriend? Will I ever become a mother? The Blessed Mother is the one who helps me face these questions.
Walking by myself through Berkeley late at night in college? Oh, I can't count how many Hail Mary's I said to myself. Unable to fall asleep, my mind aching with worry? Again, the number cannot be counted.
In my relationship now, it's the Blessed Mother who provides me with patience, who helps me understand that being a woman isn't always about getting roses on a random Tuesday but also about being able to be there to listen to a man finally express his worry about not having his new job yet or not feeling entirely himself in this (still) new state. Mary helps me to realize that being a woman is not about giving up who I am but about being the best me I can.
Even when I doubt whether or not I want to keep attending my current parish (mostly, I haven't attended it regularly since November), I never doubt whether I want to rid my apartment, my car, my life of rosaries.
Even since December, when I asked if I could put God's plan before my own, as Mary did, I have felt myself changing, felt myself understanding that God's plan for me is the one that matters more. I might feel frustrated after a particularly hard day at work or worried about what will happen in the next few months, in the next year, but I really think I have gotten better at accepting that there is a power greater than myself who knows the plan for my life. And it is only with Mary's help that I have been able to do that.
She is a shining example of womanhood, and if I can be even a fraction of the woman she is, I will consider my life well-lived.
In truth, I've already talked about her in the past, but I honestly can't say enough.
I'm Catholic to the core (though I may wander from church to church, you can't take the Catholic out of this girl), and our Blessed Mother is truly the one who guides me from day to day.
From the giant rosary hanging over my parents bed to the numerous medals that hang around my neck, Our Lady is a constant presence in my life. Through becoming a mother at the tender age of 14, she became the mother of us all. And it is Mary to whom I pray for guidance when I'm having trouble navigating the many layers of complexity involved in being a good woman. How do I be a good girlfriend? Will I ever become a mother? The Blessed Mother is the one who helps me face these questions.
Walking by myself through Berkeley late at night in college? Oh, I can't count how many Hail Mary's I said to myself. Unable to fall asleep, my mind aching with worry? Again, the number cannot be counted.
In my relationship now, it's the Blessed Mother who provides me with patience, who helps me understand that being a woman isn't always about getting roses on a random Tuesday but also about being able to be there to listen to a man finally express his worry about not having his new job yet or not feeling entirely himself in this (still) new state. Mary helps me to realize that being a woman is not about giving up who I am but about being the best me I can.
Even when I doubt whether or not I want to keep attending my current parish (mostly, I haven't attended it regularly since November), I never doubt whether I want to rid my apartment, my car, my life of rosaries.
Even since December, when I asked if I could put God's plan before my own, as Mary did, I have felt myself changing, felt myself understanding that God's plan for me is the one that matters more. I might feel frustrated after a particularly hard day at work or worried about what will happen in the next few months, in the next year, but I really think I have gotten better at accepting that there is a power greater than myself who knows the plan for my life. And it is only with Mary's help that I have been able to do that.
She is a shining example of womanhood, and if I can be even a fraction of the woman she is, I will consider my life well-lived.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Ashes
Today is Ash Wednesday, and that means going to Mass and being reminded that I am sinful. Yeah, that's the bad part. But I also get reminded that I am forgiven. I can live with that.
I've mentioned this before, but Catholics (and possibly those of other Christian faiths) also get to take a second look at their New Year's resolutions and see if they can improve on them for the forty days of Lent.
I mentioned something about this day to my boss, and she said, "Oh, what are you giving up?"
"I tend to try to do the behavioural stuff."
She said that she tries to do the same thing and puts her daughters on as enforcers to keep her on track during Lent. It was somewhat of a surreal conversation to have with my boss, especially seeing as how faith is rarely allowed in Government buildings, BUT I'm grateful nonetheless.
Yes, I am working on my behavior. I'll be extending on the "calm down" resolution, expanding it to the following:
*Worrying only about things about which I have control (how is this religious? Well, my worrying about other peoples' business is not exactly Christian and can border on judgmental)
*Being a nicer person in general (turning the other cheek...no mean comments)
*Loving (two simple commandments, people, and they summarize down to "love God" and "love your neighbor". So, I'm going to love).
Those are three big things, three somewhat vague things, but I'll check in with myself each day to think about how I'm accomplishing each of them.
Oh, and I won't make you read about my Lenten accomplishments or failures each day...that's not something you need to worry about.
Here's to 40 days of change.
I've mentioned this before, but Catholics (and possibly those of other Christian faiths) also get to take a second look at their New Year's resolutions and see if they can improve on them for the forty days of Lent.
I mentioned something about this day to my boss, and she said, "Oh, what are you giving up?"
"I tend to try to do the behavioural stuff."
She said that she tries to do the same thing and puts her daughters on as enforcers to keep her on track during Lent. It was somewhat of a surreal conversation to have with my boss, especially seeing as how faith is rarely allowed in Government buildings, BUT I'm grateful nonetheless.
Yes, I am working on my behavior. I'll be extending on the "calm down" resolution, expanding it to the following:
*Worrying only about things about which I have control (how is this religious? Well, my worrying about other peoples' business is not exactly Christian and can border on judgmental)
*Being a nicer person in general (turning the other cheek...no mean comments)
*Loving (two simple commandments, people, and they summarize down to "love God" and "love your neighbor". So, I'm going to love).
Those are three big things, three somewhat vague things, but I'll check in with myself each day to think about how I'm accomplishing each of them.
Oh, and I won't make you read about my Lenten accomplishments or failures each day...that's not something you need to worry about.
Here's to 40 days of change.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Chapters
On each of the last few days, I've thought about what I should write. I decided while in Seattle that my posts would be more purposeful, more focused. Certainly, that won't always happen, but I wanted to write when I had something to say.
On each of the last few days, I've realized that my life is reaching an important place. Chapters are opening and closing each day, and it's amazing to me how that works.
After about a year and a half, the Bible study with Hayley and Bonnie ended last night. I don't think anyone was expecting it to happen, but that's where the discussion turned. Hayley and Bonnie both have an idea of specific studies they'd like to do next, and I'm going to stick with just trying to finish reading the entire Bible before pursuing a specific, set study. The study has come to an end, but the way our friendship has grown over the past eighteen months is priceless to me. We're going to start a new chapter in the form of monthly get togethers/game nights that will also include the boys.
I woke up this morning feeling mildly heart broken to see these weekly gatherings go away - I've come to value them so much, but I also woke with the realization that I can have Monday evenings to do whatever I like. Of course, I'll still be fitting in my Bible study during the week, but the question of, "How will I possibly get everything done?" has been answered in part by Monday night.
So, that's both a chapter closed and a chapter opened.
On Sunday, Wine Guy and I went into Berkeley to meet up with Irene. Since she couldn't make lunch before shoe shopping, just the two of us ate on our own, happily munching on pan-Asian cuisine at Zao. He has an interview this week (pray for him), and I was throwing sample questions at him, and he was answering them. Later in the evening, we had a little discussion about whether or not he should bring a change of clothes, or go straight to the interview in his work clothes. In sum, he has a freshly washed and ironed dress shirt and some ironed slacks waiting patiently in his car. Guess which side was my argument?
With all of this interview prep and clothing discussion, for the first time, I really felt like I was in a relationship. There was the honeymoon phase, and there was the somewhat awkward in between phase where we knew spent enough time together to argue a bit but were still new enough for those fights to seem mildly ridiculous. I feel solidly in the relationship with him now, and that's an entirely brand new chapter in the relationship and in my life.
And finally, there's Mommy. I went to have lunch, watch Grey's Anatomy (thank you Comcast DVR), do my taxes (ooh, what fun) and otherwise spend time with my mom on my day off yesterday. And it was wonderful. We had one of our classic Mommy/Sarah discussions, and I felt like we were BACK, baby. Our relationship chemistry, our reading of each other's minds, our wonder and awe at each other's thought processes, our apprecation for each other - ALL BACK! It is and will always be slightly different from when I lived at home and didn't have a boyfriend (two distinct but related changes in my recent life), but the anger and awkwardness is gone, and for that, I am oh so grateful. So, that is one chapter with the door slammed on it and other with the door widely opened.
That's a lot of opening and closing doors in just one week.
Life moves quickly, but I'm glad to have the chance to slow down a bit and think about what's happening each day.
On each of the last few days, I've realized that my life is reaching an important place. Chapters are opening and closing each day, and it's amazing to me how that works.
After about a year and a half, the Bible study with Hayley and Bonnie ended last night. I don't think anyone was expecting it to happen, but that's where the discussion turned. Hayley and Bonnie both have an idea of specific studies they'd like to do next, and I'm going to stick with just trying to finish reading the entire Bible before pursuing a specific, set study. The study has come to an end, but the way our friendship has grown over the past eighteen months is priceless to me. We're going to start a new chapter in the form of monthly get togethers/game nights that will also include the boys.
I woke up this morning feeling mildly heart broken to see these weekly gatherings go away - I've come to value them so much, but I also woke with the realization that I can have Monday evenings to do whatever I like. Of course, I'll still be fitting in my Bible study during the week, but the question of, "How will I possibly get everything done?" has been answered in part by Monday night.
So, that's both a chapter closed and a chapter opened.
On Sunday, Wine Guy and I went into Berkeley to meet up with Irene. Since she couldn't make lunch before shoe shopping, just the two of us ate on our own, happily munching on pan-Asian cuisine at Zao. He has an interview this week (pray for him), and I was throwing sample questions at him, and he was answering them. Later in the evening, we had a little discussion about whether or not he should bring a change of clothes, or go straight to the interview in his work clothes. In sum, he has a freshly washed and ironed dress shirt and some ironed slacks waiting patiently in his car. Guess which side was my argument?
With all of this interview prep and clothing discussion, for the first time, I really felt like I was in a relationship. There was the honeymoon phase, and there was the somewhat awkward in between phase where we knew spent enough time together to argue a bit but were still new enough for those fights to seem mildly ridiculous. I feel solidly in the relationship with him now, and that's an entirely brand new chapter in the relationship and in my life.
And finally, there's Mommy. I went to have lunch, watch Grey's Anatomy (thank you Comcast DVR), do my taxes (ooh, what fun) and otherwise spend time with my mom on my day off yesterday. And it was wonderful. We had one of our classic Mommy/Sarah discussions, and I felt like we were BACK, baby. Our relationship chemistry, our reading of each other's minds, our wonder and awe at each other's thought processes, our apprecation for each other - ALL BACK! It is and will always be slightly different from when I lived at home and didn't have a boyfriend (two distinct but related changes in my recent life), but the anger and awkwardness is gone, and for that, I am oh so grateful. So, that is one chapter with the door slammed on it and other with the door widely opened.
That's a lot of opening and closing doors in just one week.
Life moves quickly, but I'm glad to have the chance to slow down a bit and think about what's happening each day.
Friday, December 08, 2006
And For Woman
Gentle woman, quiet light, morning star, so strong and bright, gentle Mother, peaceful dove, teach us wisdom; teach us love.
Today is quite possibly my favorite of the holy days of obligation: The Feast of the Immaculate Conception.
I was lucky enough to get a bit of time of work and be able to join Mommy at 9 o'clock mass, and as always, I feel complete after attending mass.
To anyone who says that the Catholic Church is anti-woman, I say, "Attend one of Mary's feast days, just one, and then say that again."
The Church holds women in the highest regard possible. Mary is the MOTHER OF GOD. You can't get much higher up than that.
You were chosen by the Father; you were chosen for the Son. You were chosen from all women and for woman, shining one.
The song brings up thoughts of what it means to be a mother. Are our children chosen for us for a particular reason? Yes, I believe so. And Mary, a strong, gentle woman, was chosen to be the Mother of God.
I love, though, that she questioned the Angel Gabriel when he brought her God's word. She said, "But I've never had relations with a man, how is it possible for me to have a child?"
Although she did say, "Let it be done to me," and accept God's will for her life, at first, she was rather confused. She didn't just blindly say, "Okay, whatever." She wanted to know how it was possible. And that reassures me that God will let me have a moment to work out in my mind how a certain thing is possible, how it is that I have come to this place in my life.
I have always felt specially protected by the Blessed Virgin Mary. She is my mother and my friend. She is a guiding light when I stop to think about what it means to be a girlfriend and eventually a wife and a mother. She had a wonderful husband in Joseph, but even he balked at God's plan. She accepted God's plan for her, regardless of how her husband would react. She didn't say, "But my fiance won't like it." She put GOD first.
Over the past year or so, I have struggled with what it means to be a girlfriend and remain wholely myself. It is impossible to be in a relationship and remain unchanged, but Mary shows us that our fundamental beliefs, our foundational values, do not change simply because there's a man involved.
Mary would have been a single, divorced mother, living in a time when that could result in her being stoned to death. But she was willing to accept the consequences of God's plan for her.
Am I?
Blessed are you among women, blest in turn all women, too. Blessed they with peaceful spirits. Blessed they with gentle hearts.
Today is quite possibly my favorite of the holy days of obligation: The Feast of the Immaculate Conception.
I was lucky enough to get a bit of time of work and be able to join Mommy at 9 o'clock mass, and as always, I feel complete after attending mass.
To anyone who says that the Catholic Church is anti-woman, I say, "Attend one of Mary's feast days, just one, and then say that again."
The Church holds women in the highest regard possible. Mary is the MOTHER OF GOD. You can't get much higher up than that.
You were chosen by the Father; you were chosen for the Son. You were chosen from all women and for woman, shining one.
The song brings up thoughts of what it means to be a mother. Are our children chosen for us for a particular reason? Yes, I believe so. And Mary, a strong, gentle woman, was chosen to be the Mother of God.
I love, though, that she questioned the Angel Gabriel when he brought her God's word. She said, "But I've never had relations with a man, how is it possible for me to have a child?"
Although she did say, "Let it be done to me," and accept God's will for her life, at first, she was rather confused. She didn't just blindly say, "Okay, whatever." She wanted to know how it was possible. And that reassures me that God will let me have a moment to work out in my mind how a certain thing is possible, how it is that I have come to this place in my life.
I have always felt specially protected by the Blessed Virgin Mary. She is my mother and my friend. She is a guiding light when I stop to think about what it means to be a girlfriend and eventually a wife and a mother. She had a wonderful husband in Joseph, but even he balked at God's plan. She accepted God's plan for her, regardless of how her husband would react. She didn't say, "But my fiance won't like it." She put GOD first.
Over the past year or so, I have struggled with what it means to be a girlfriend and remain wholely myself. It is impossible to be in a relationship and remain unchanged, but Mary shows us that our fundamental beliefs, our foundational values, do not change simply because there's a man involved.
Mary would have been a single, divorced mother, living in a time when that could result in her being stoned to death. But she was willing to accept the consequences of God's plan for her.
Am I?
Blessed are you among women, blest in turn all women, too. Blessed they with peaceful spirits. Blessed they with gentle hearts.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Warm and Fuzzy and Pills
So, I went over to Wine Guy's place for the first time last night, and we covered A LOT of ground in one night. We talked about exes, about "what happens if a Catholic marries a non-Catholic, does that person have to convert?" and more...even some topics I didn't anticipate coming up this early, like, urp, birth control.
We're all cozy under a blanket, looking up at the stars on the balcony off of his bedroom, and he says, "This isn't going to be an issue for a long time, but what are your thoughts on birth control?"
Now, before I continue with the details of this conversation, allow me to say that on the way to his place, I called Irene to tell her about my apartment fears, worries, etc., and she asked me if Wine Guy knows about my "waiting for marriage thing." I told her that he didn't and that I didn't plan to bring it up on my own volition.
And he brought it up that same day (Irene, have you been talking to Wine Guy??? j/k)
Back to being cozy under the blanket.
The question again, "What are your thoughts on birth control?"
I pause. And pause. Thinking how to best phrase my response.
"Well, it's not going to be an issue for me until after I get married..."
Pause
"and I'm conflicted on it right now. I know that the rhythm method doesn't work...but I'm not sure how I feel otherwise."
"Hmm." (he "hmms" a lot)
"Does that answer your question?"
"Yeah, and I can't make your mind up for you right now."
And so, the semi-awkwardness passed, the snuggling under the blanket continued, he knows I'm waiting for marriage, and I didn't have to bring up the topic. Another hurdle overcome. Sweet.
We're all cozy under a blanket, looking up at the stars on the balcony off of his bedroom, and he says, "This isn't going to be an issue for a long time, but what are your thoughts on birth control?"
Now, before I continue with the details of this conversation, allow me to say that on the way to his place, I called Irene to tell her about my apartment fears, worries, etc., and she asked me if Wine Guy knows about my "waiting for marriage thing." I told her that he didn't and that I didn't plan to bring it up on my own volition.
And he brought it up that same day (Irene, have you been talking to Wine Guy??? j/k)
Back to being cozy under the blanket.
The question again, "What are your thoughts on birth control?"
I pause. And pause. Thinking how to best phrase my response.
"Well, it's not going to be an issue for me until after I get married..."
Pause
"and I'm conflicted on it right now. I know that the rhythm method doesn't work...but I'm not sure how I feel otherwise."
"Hmm." (he "hmms" a lot)
"Does that answer your question?"
"Yeah, and I can't make your mind up for you right now."
And so, the semi-awkwardness passed, the snuggling under the blanket continued, he knows I'm waiting for marriage, and I didn't have to bring up the topic. Another hurdle overcome. Sweet.
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