Four Years, Five Years Ago

Ice skating with Bonnie and Irene threw me back into a bit of nostalgia.

College was only four years, and, for me, it ended almost five years ago. I've been out longer than I was in, but college, and particularly the time I spent in AOII (perhaps mostly in the dining room), was so real. I didn't honestly feel that college was just a stepping stone, a waiting room on the way to the next thing. Although I would have done some things differently, had I the chance to do them again, I lived college.

I miss the smallness of my college world, the small circle of people who were impacted by my actions.

I've been telling Irene for about a month that everything feels so BIG now.

Going to the grocery store is BIG, because it means that I have to decide whether to drive over to the store by myself, on which day and what else won't get done because I go to Safeway. The grocery store in college? That was a treat! As in, who wants to go to the grocery store? I'm driving! All pile in! It was a field trip.

Getting gas is BIG. It turns out that my decision to get gas last night on the way home from work meant that I didn't see Wine Guy before he went to class. I didn't know he'd come home in between work and class, but he did, and he left at 6:30, about fifteen minutes after I ususally get home. A slight shift in my routine impacted someone else.

Last night, Irene said, "Everything seems so BIG now."

I said, "That's what I've been trying to say."

I didn't graduate college and step right into the real world. No, I think I rammed into the brick wall that is the real world after I got back from Boston, when I had to stop running away and start making decisions about my real life.

At the time, it felt like the running was the mature decision. Now I realize that sometimes standing still is the bravest thing.