When Doing Nothing Means Everything

The title is far more poetic than I can promise to make the post.

We had another jam-packed weekend planned, and then, something happened. My parents suddenly needed to attend a funeral (luckily, it was the funeral of a man who seemed quite ready to begin eternity, and the funeral filled an 1100 seat church to overflowing), and our plans to hit the beach with them and the dog evaporated into thin air.

And just like that, Saturday became a vast, empty day, but the most beautiful kind of empty, the unexpected kind of empty.

For the most part, we left our beautiful Saturday gloriously empty. We slept for 10 hours, much to the joy of the cat who switched between curling up beside my head and snuggling under my arm on a regular rotation.

I rose from bed and almost immediately began a long, seratonin producing workout on the Wii. WG switched between doing his own workout and checking job sites, oh, and making the cat make funny noises.

The, it was lunch time. We ate, we watched a movie, we relaxed as the sun shone through the windows and the cat slept soundly in its rays.

The word "wedding" did not cross our lips. Nor did any of the phrases associated with this stage of wedding planning: favor, program, RSVP. Nope. Without even trying, we created a space free of wedding talk.

We did nothing. And it meant everything.

In Which I Have a Complete Meltdown

There are too many things going on right now. As Ms. Flopkins told me the other day, the things going on right now are all good, but they are still stressful.

I'm moving, leaving a job of 5+ years, getting married and starting a new career all in a couple of months time. It's like I looked at a list of the most stressful things a person can do in her life and decided to just check off four of them all at once. Why not? Saves the stress on another day.

Except, this means that my bucket is full. I'm full to the brim and each new drop just pushes me over the edge. It's not fair to the people around me.

Then, yesterday.

My supervisor comes up to me, just about five minutes before she is set to flee the building and starts this conversation:

Her: I need to talk to you about the situation with Mr. X.
Me: Whaa? I haven't even had any interaction with Mr. X in months
Her: Exactly, he thinks you're avoiding him.

The conversation just degraded from there. So, this morning, with my bucket overflowing, I decided I needed a pick-me-up. Being at work right now, with this particular type of supervisor, is not easy for me. I called my dad, and he met me at Starbucks. I bought us each a coffee and had some quick conversation, and the world is good again.

But, that's just part of the equation. Earlier in the week, I had a meltdown and directed it at my bridesmaids. I'm owning up to it "in public" here, because I think it's important for people to know that, to borrow a phrase from my soon-to-be husband, weddings "eat your soul." Haha. Planning this wedding has, in many ways, been marvelous. I've gotten to think about my lifetime with WG and revel in the fact that my family's about to get a whole heckava lot bigger and significantly more Oklahoman. I have also had fights with my parents, crying jags to WG (he fixed me, as he tends to do when I'm broken) and now, a meltdown about my bridesmaids, via e-mail of course.

Because that's the best way to handle emotional issues...in a forum completely devoid of context. Oy.

I feel like I've smoothed things over, at least as best as they can be for now. My already married bridesmaid understands and is trying ever so hard to keep me grounded. Another is someone I fight with like a sister, and I have faith that we'll keep on loving each other through this. My maid of honor, however, seems to have left the planet.

I know that, come wedding day, though, everyone will be there, and the day will be beautiful.

And I am taking the advice of all the Sadie, Sadie, Married Ladies I've talked to recently and am focusing on WG and our life together, forgetting all the hullabaloo that goes into a wedding.

It's a Good Idea...Wedding Edition

It's a good idea to have several equally talented women as your bridesmaids in case your maid of honor regularly has to go out of town

It's a good idea to leave yourself plenty of time to decide on just what kind of favor you want. It could take three weeks for the containers to arrive.

It's a good idea to pair conversations between you and your guy about wedding details with a homemade meal, dessert and a yummy beverage.

It's a good idea, though it may seem crazy, to take a few full weekends off from planning, even one just shortly before the wedding.

It's a good idea to have a second reception for the family that all lives in the same state far away from the wedding location. It's especially good if the groom's family plans this reception, as it keeps them rather busy in the time before the big day.

It's a good idea to find a place for the two of you to live together before the wedding.

It's a good idea to practice any silly things you may have planned several weeks before the wedding when you still have time to change your mind.

It's a good idea to take your mom along for several small shopping trips to get all the odd little clothes you'll need on the day of the wedding -- shoes, undergarments, shawls, etc. Don't try to do it all at once, unless, of course, you want to drive yourself crazy.

It's a good idea to be incredibly flexible and understand that, unless you want to become a bridezilla, there's no way in he** you're getting everything you want on your wedding day.

It's a good idea to have your bachelorette party several weeks before your wedding so that the bruises will have cleared up by the time you walk down the aisle.

The Cat Left the Bag

I officially told my supervisors and coworkers that I am leaving my job at the library in about a month.

It feels good. I've got this huge weight off of my shoulders and now, instead of focusing on deflecting the multiple projects they wanted me to take on in the fall, I can concentrate on planning life post-library. And that mostly means moving, getting married, having a honeymoon and beginning my time as a student teacher.

That's right, folks.

I'm heading off to the gloriously fractured world of teaching elementary school.

And I feel so wonderful about my decision that I'm actually now getting through days at work without people "reminding" me to smile. I just smile on my own now.

Bridal Boot Camp...Sort of

I've read about brides who send their bridesmaids to boot camp (I know my ladies better than that, and I know that there might very well be a riot if I tried to fit even one more thing into their very busy schedules).

I've read about brides who send themselves to boot camp (I know myself better than that, and there might very well be a riot if I tried to fit even one more thing into my very busy schedule).

So, I'm just going to keep on keepin' on and work out stronger and stronger.

My mom bought be a pair of adorable shorts. They are shorter than I usually wear but no where close to being daisy dukes.

I tried them on, but...my legs could use a little work. I've tried on my wedding dress, but...my arms could use a little work.

So, I'm doing a little work.

Whenever I've decided to do a workout, I'm making it a priority. What's tended to happen, and what makes me need a little work, is that I push my workout to the bottom of my list, getting everything else done first. Then, surprise, surprise, it's eleven at night, and I'm pooped.

I have to make myself and my fitness a priority (that's a pretentious statement...but a true one), and so, I have a few half-done projects around the apartment, including unassembled boxes waiting to be backed for THE MOVE in three weeks (more on that another time). But my workout? Oh, that got done this morning.

And I was ON. I even had my little Wii Active trainer telling me I really "brought it."

And, yeah, I brought it. My thighs were burning. My body was sticky.

Who needs expensive bootcamp?

Not me.

Hard Lessons

I should know better than to judge. It's all over the Bible. It's all over my upbringing, but still, when family friends get married and don't have health insurance or jobs, I begin to mull over how I would like my own life to go and decide against their way of doing things.

And then sh life happens.

WG is still awaiting good news on the job front, and the wedding is in six weeks. This certainly isn't the ideal way to start out our marriage. But we can't delay life in order to wait out the job market. In fact, living together will save us both money, if you want to look at the most practical of angles.

I really hate it, though, when my specific judgments about people turn right around and become my situations. Does this mean I'm also going to get knocked up on the honeymoon? That's not in the plans, but it's certainly something I've judged in other couple's recent marriages.

Oh, boy, should I start saving for a crib? I hear those suckers are expensive.

Swagger

We all need to be a bit more like Megan Fox.

I know, I know. The girl has some confidence issues (of the over, not under, variety), but honestly, what's so bad about that every once in a while? Why can't put on clothes that I know complement me and walk with just a bit of a swagger.

In fact, why can't I have a dose of Beyonce in my life?

Damn I know I'm killing you with them legs
Better yet them thighs
Matter a fact it's my smile or maybe my eyes
Boy you a site to see, kind of something like me

It's too big, it's too wide
It's too strong, it won't fit
It's too much, it's too tough
I talk like this 'cause I can back it up

I got a big ego, such a huge ego
But he love my big ego, it's too much
I walk like this 'cause I can back it up

I, I walk like this 'cause I can back it up
I, I talk like this 'cause I can back it up
I, I can back it up, I can back it up
I walk like this 'cause I can back it up

Beyonce's swagger is a bit too...theatrical:



Megan Fox, though,just has this look in her eye:



She's hot. She knows she's hot. She's not going to apologize for it.

I took a little bit of her attitude for myself, and you know what? I liked it.

I felt better about myself, and I even allowed myself to accept a compliment from a customer at work. I had worn a snug jean skirt, a red, close-fitting (but work appropriate) top and some cute little ballet flats.

I told the story to WG...it went like this:

I helped a customer at work today, and he told me to tell you something. It's kind of funny, actually.

Oh, yeah?

Yep. He needed a cd that he thought we didn't have, but I found it for him. I walked back to the desk in front of him. After he got everything he needed from the desk, he looked at the ring and looked at me and said, "No disrespect, but you tell him he's a lucky man." I told him, "I absolutely will."

What's so funny about that?

Normally, if a customer told me something like that, I would just stare at them and hope they'd go away...but I actually accepted his compliment.

WG laughed that particular laugh of his, and I was filled with joy.

The fact is, though, adding a little Megan Fox into my life actually made me feel more confident in myself and more lighthearted when dealing with customers.

So, I dare you, go, add some of the Fox to your day, and let me know how it goes!