Shut Down

So, Wine Guy is sick.

He claims I got him sick, but I'm basically over whatever I had, and I think he's got it worse...or just something different, anyway.

I wasn't supposed to see him until tonight, but I asked him if he wanted me to come over late yesterday and bring him some soup.

He readily agreed but was shocked when I showed up with soup.

"You brought me SOUP?! You brought me POTATO SOUP?! You are FANTASTIC!" He said.

I was happy.

But he seemed kind of mopey, so me being me, I said, "Are you glad I came over?"

He just stared at me, "I don't even know what to say to that," and he reached over and gave me a big hug, "Of course, I'm happy you came over."

But then, we got started chatting, not really talking, about what's going to happen with his job in the next few weeks.

"There's a really good job in Texas." He paused, looked up at me. "What would you do if I got a job in Texas?"

I had no idea how to answer that question, and before I could, he said, "But I won't get a job in Texas."

But the mini-conversation got me thinking and for most of the rest of the evening, I was probably a little stand-offish. It takes a few hours, days, weeks, for me to completely mull over something and formulate appropriate questions, the questions that really ask what I want them to. And with Wine Guy, I'm being especially careful not to ask off-the-cuff questions that come out sounding jealous and rude, rather than concerned and curious.

So, now, I am full of questions. I think that if we go through another night without me asking those questions, bad things will happen. Mainly what will happen is that I will start to shut down emotionally, because I'm trying so hard to avoid saying certain things, and we will have a terrible, rotten, no good night of sushi making, complete with me giving one word answers and resisting his kisses.