Tuesday, November 07, 2006

In My Life

How do I let Wine Guy into my life?

In the course of a conversation last night, he said, "Sarah, let me into your life!"

Okay, now that requires context.

I was telling him that Sean had called. Sean my best guy friend. Sean had apparently not come up in conversation earlier. Wine Guy was apparently confused by the introduction of Sean into conversation.

He wanted to know how I classified "best friend."

I tried to explain. Then just said, "It's complicated!"

and he said, "Sarah! Let me into your life!"

How does one go about doing that?

First, I think I'll require the official announcement of boyfriend-girlfriend. If we're not official, if I don't know one-hundred percent, with a brick over my head, that we're exclusive, I can't let him that deep into my life. I can't trust him with my hopes, my fears and weaknesses if I think that he's going to cut and run. I have a lot of hopes, fears and weaknesses. He might get freaked out.

I want to know everything there is to know about him, but I don't anticipate running (there's a shocker. no. seriously.).

What if he runs? I think I'd break.

I think every little piece of me would just crumble away. Or worse. Harden and stand like stone against any guy getting in ever again.

How do you trust someone when every other guy you've started to trust hasn't proven trustworthy in the end? How? There's a question that I can't find the anwer to...do you know?


singlemuslimah said...

You just have to take a leap of faith and hope for the best. You can never be sure. With love you must take your chances. Of course, I'm young and very optimistic so you may not want to listen to me. Good luck!

Mrs. said...

this is what I'm saying!