Not Yet

The mere fact that his family seems to assume we'll be married at some point in the not too distant future spurred on a conversation between T and me. I call it the "state of the relationship" discussion. It didn't go as smoothly as I would have liked, but then, that would have required an agenda and a minute taker.

It did go well, and though I talked and cried for about two hours straight (finally and forever discrediting my statement that I simply "don't cry."), I feel good about the future of relationship.

As it stands, I am ready to get married to him and also not ready. He is not ready to be married to me but heading towards being ready.

He feels different forces pushing him towards marriage, and I feel age (27 in two months!) and my own expectations of my life creeping up on me.

I started the discussion while he made dinner, so he was bustling around the kitchen, I was off and on my computer, and I honestly think this made for a better discussion than the two of us just sitting on the couch, staring at teach other, hashing things out.

Quite frankly, I was scared. I knew going in that he was not ready in the same way that I am (and even I am not totally ready). I want to have children and, biologically, there is a legitimate clock. It's not just society that tells me I need to have kids before 35, it's science! I used some language and told him that if I'm starting having kids at 35, I'm going to be screwed (based on my own health and family history). He said, "You won't be 35. It's not going to take nearly ten years for me to be ready to have kids."

So, I asked him where he sees himself in the next five years. And he was honest. He sees himself figuring out his career, getting a better paying job that suits his skills, or, barring that, going back to school to get the education he needs to get the better jobs in the wine industry, he sees himself getting married and starting a family. Since he wants to be married about two years before having kids, that means he'll need to get married sometime within the next three years. Assuming he can see his way to marrying me, that is.

I can live with that.

And I told him that he should feel lucky that I'm not exactly pushing for a child right now. I can acknowledge being almost ready to get married, but I am in no way emotionally capable of caring for an entire other human being.

He knows now that he's lucky.

And I know that I am lucky.

Hey, look at that, two lucky people who found each other. What do you know.