Tuesday, October 31, 2006

And You Thought Halloween was Scary


Today, I am not in costume, but I feel like I'm in full regalia as "scared girl."

I'm thinking about moving.

I have an appointment to see an apartment today.

This has been in the works in my mind for almost a year...and if you look back at my post on my birthday or New Year's or something from last year, I talk about taking "that big step," so it's not like this is sudden.

But it feels completely sudden.

And I don't want to make a mistake.

I thought I was over the whole Boston thing, but clearly, that isn't the case. I'm scared of making some awful decision that I'll regret.

I'm scared that my moving out right now will make Wine Guy think I'm doing it for him and that I'm way more serious than he is (and to boot, I'm all paranoid because I haven't heard from him...I'm a freak). I also worry that if I move and don't tell him about it, that he'll think I'm way LESS serious than he is. I am a mess!

I'm scared that I'll sign a lease and not like the place, or that I'll want to move, or...I don't know, all kinds of things.

Quite frankly, I'm just scared.

So, what do I do? Do I run and hide at my parents' house, ignore society's conventions (as I generally prefer to do, anyway), and stay safe, never having to deal with the world on my own? Do I step out my comfort zone, deal with having to spend an exorbidant amount of money each month? What do I do?

I'm terrified of making a mistake.

No comments: