I've been doing some thinking, some talking and some reading, and I've come to realize that in my life, and especially in my writing, I tend to concentrate on the negative and complain A LOT about what I don't have.
I make fun of people who really are just trying to be nice (though that still doesn't mean that I have to date them), and I certainly come across as a-hard-to-please-diva (well, I AM a princess, but that doesn't mean I have to be ridiculous and never happy).
In all honesty, and as I was telling my mom when we had our lovely Mother's Day lunch in the city (pictures to come soon, I promise), I AM happy. My whole life isn't all sorted out, and I may not have many of the answers I want (hey, it's a slow process to come around to mostly recognizing the positive), but I AM happy. I won't list everything wonderful that I have in my life, but suffice it to say that a life filled with family and friends is a good life.
Because of an assortment of experiences from my childhood (I'm sure you can imagine them, because really, 90% of little girls had the same ones), I take it so personally when someone says, "No." Uh, wake up, Sarah, the world doesn't revolve around you! Logically, I know that rejection doesn't usually have to do with me as a person, but in that place where I'm still a 9 year-old girl whose best friend just "dumped" her for the class bad-girl, it hurts. But here's a fabulously positive thing: I'm not 9, and I have enormously wonderful friends who will stick by me and not choose to ignore me at lunch so they can talk to the girl who talks to the boys.
Yesterday, I went to the farmer's market and got strawberries (well, my mom bought strawberries, and she let me take some - thank you, Mommy) and brought them into work. I distributed the strawberries and one of my wellness challenge team members kidded me for being so gung-ho about getting people to eat their fruits and veggies.
Me: I don't think it's such a bad thing to "push" fruits and veggies.
Her: No, and you do it in a nice way.
Me: Thank you!
Her: You're going to make a great mom!
Me: THANK YOU!
That was JUST what I needed yesterday.
p.s. I was randomly reading some of my past postings (note to self: don't do that again), and I realized how ANGRY I was way back in 2002. I really get why I chucked everything and went to Boston...and I get why people weren't exactly being friendly with me at that point - Who would WANT to be friends with someone like that?! Good Lord! First, I apologize on behalf of my very angry, younger self. I couldn't see the world around me, just my own little angry space. Hopefully, I've gotten (am getting) better at realizing there are more people in the world than me. So, THANK YOU to all who stuck it through with me. I'm so grateful!