Thursday, February 02, 2006

"The way out of the labyrinth is forgiveness."

I've been reading a lot about forgiveness. I've perused it in the Bible (thanks in part to a slow, but just-right, reading of the New Testament with B and H), and I ran across the quote above in a book called Looking for Alaska by John Green.

How do we forgive? Is forgiveness the point where the pain doesn't hurt as much? Have I forgiven someone when I don't want to yell and scream and curse and kick whenever I see them? What right do I have to forgive someone who wronged not me but someone I love?

I'm talking about the deep hurts that take years to commit. How long am I allowed to wallow and feel angry before forgiving?

What if it's impossible to truly forgive? Does that mean that my soul will be caught up in the cycle of life until it learns how to let go of old hurts and how to finally forgive.

Maybe that's the lesson in this life of mine. Maybe I simply need to learn how to forgive, how not to hold a grudge.

can I not forgive because I'm so hard on myself? I expect perfection from me, and it seems I expect it from others as well.

If the way out of the seemingly endless cycle of hurting and being hurt by people is to forgive them, then I suppose it's time I gave it a genuine try.

I want to raise my children in an environment free of old hates and lingering anger. That means I have from now until I become a mother to learn to truly forgive. If not for myself, then for my future children, I can learn to forgive.

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