Monday, November 03, 2003

I feel much better, especially because I figured out that my wildly fluctuating emotions had more to do with the normal cycle of things than with my need for pscyhotherapy - that always makes a girl feel good. Sorry if I, uh..hmm..difficult to apologize for emotions out of my control...urm...sorry if I got upset out of proportion to the situation.

I want to write about a dream I had, because it made me feel very confident in my "over the boys I should be over but keep having dreams about them anyway" recovery process. I had a dream, and in the dream, I noticed that the man I was with was NOT any of the ones I had been with before. In fact, I remember thinking to myself as I stood beside him, my hand engulfed in his, "He's much taller than me. I like that."

The dream had me going out on the town with my boyfriend. We went to dinner at a fancy restaurant with "couple" friends of ours. I sat next to my man, and he ordered things off the menu, telling me that I needed to try them - not insisting that I'd like them - just saying that I should try them. I did. I liked some, not others. We had a fun time talking with our friends, and I remember feeling good about this man and this relationship. It was a real relationship, not a dream scenario with perfect lines and too-perfect moments. In other dreams, I have acted happy with the man while knowing on the inside that I didn't want to be with him. In this dream, I was comfortable and happy with the man and felt at peace with what we had. It was new-ish but a definite relationship.

I don't know if my dreams are maturing or if I'm getting closer to what I want (I know what Mama would say), but either way, I enjoyed the dream.

Hmm...Monica and I need to talk more. Whenever we talk or e-mail or whatever, it turns out we are going through the same things (almost exactly). Nearly once a month, I realize again why we're friends and why we will always remain so. Thank you, God, for friends like this!

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