After pulling clothes out of my closet for about an hour and piling them onto a suitcase and still having the thought "I need more clothes," I have come to the realization that I will not be able to leave behind those strange aspects of my personality that I don't always like....simly by moving across the country. I like to have enough stuff. I like to have a pair of pants for every day of the week - so at least 7 pairs so that if I had to wear pants all week, I would not have to repeat. Blame it on Catholic School uniforms - wearing the same clothes basically every day (although mostly I had a couple of outfits that just looked exactly the same) - or blame it on the week I spent with visiting relatives & my grandma in L.A....we were traveling the whole time, and my grandma threw her back-out (the only time I've ever known her to do that), and she wore the same exact outfit ALL WEEK, even to bed! It had stains, wrinkles..smells...but she said it was too hard for her to change. I gave her a disgusted look, and she said, "well, I've changed my underwear!" Well, if she could change her underwear, certainly she could change the rest of her outfit...dontcha think? Anyway, for fear of turning into my grandmother (and I know that I already have some of her personality tendencies despite my efforts otherwise...saying rude things to sales people, picking at food left in the serving dishes after a meal...talking REALLY loud), I prefer to wear something completely different every day during which I go out in public. Whatever the reason for my desire to have complete, different outfits for each day of the week, I can't leave it behind in California. I wanted all my boxes to be organized and marked. They are, but towards the end, the lists look more like "books, socks, glasses" instead of the detail of the first lists "1 round glass bowl, blue plate, Jewel book." So, I have a vague recollection of what's in each of my boxes (now on their way across country..hopefully not arriving before me)...but I have to accept that I'll never be as organized as I want to be...it's just not me. I'm one of those people who is anal enough to be bothered by mess but too lazy to do much about it. A lovely combination that leaves me quite irritated from time to time (but not doing anything about it). So, when I travel across country, to start a new (hopefully wonderful) life, I will take with me the family traits that I have grown to both love and hate (mostly love) - labeled boxes that rarely contain what the labels say, piles of clothes containing things I never wear but "might need someday," an excess supply of kitchen and office supplies, and the desire to finally be happy, to finally have what I've always wanted but can never see me to get for one reason or another. Hopefully, this move will be the kick in the butt I need to really go out there and make my dreams come true (cliched, I know, but true nonetheless).
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