Monday, September 30, 2002

I miss Europe. Okay, I've thought it all out, and what I miss most about our 3 amazing weeks abroad is the way that I was able to simply LET GO of all the stuff that's been bothering me. I simply lived in the moment, taking in the scenery, the culture, the museums - just being a tourist. I didn't stress out overmuch. I knew that if the tube closed in London, we could catch a mini-cab. I knew that if we missed the direct train to Lourdes, there was another, more complicated way to get there - but we'd still get there. The simple tasks of carrying luggage, keeping track of passports and remembering to buy food BEFORE getting on the train took my mind away from the daily problems I face in the states. I loved it over there. I loved taking pictures and following maps. I loved exploring and learning new things.

I want to go back. But I what I really want is to recapture that feeling of enjoyment. I want to take great pleasure in everyday instead of stressing about my little daily routines and my life-decisions. I don't want to be afraid anymore.

Also, I miss the hustle and bustle of London. It had the atmosphere of a Hollywood Movie lot (for me). The buildings hardly looked real. In this GIANT city, the buildings were hardly ever over 4 stories. The streets were smaller. The houses were side by side with grocery stores and bookstores (seriously, there was a Boots - similar to Hawaii's ABC chain - and at least one bookstore on every block). Riding the tube from place to place was exciting, despite all the stairs, and quite effecient. We got exactly where we needed to be in a limited amount of time. Trains in most directions came about once every 5 minutes. Not like BART, where I've been known to wait over 20 minutes for a train heading towards Berkeley.

Certainly, I'm a California Girl, but I really liked, nay, loved, London. I miss the feeling of being in that place, and I miss the way I felt there. France was incredible in it's own right, but the language barrier (given my somewhat limited French) contributes to making London my "wanna see it again" place. Although, I must say, that if I were to meet some rich man who would lovingly take me to Paris, I could probably stand to see it again - but on foot in the rain, it didn't hold too many charms. The sunshine in the quaint opera district was much better than the rain in Monte Marte.... in any case, I was only there 3 weeks, and I've been back over 2 months, and I'm still going through withdrawals.

What can I do to recapture the way I felt in Europe, while trying to make my dreams come true in California?

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