Friday, June 26, 2009

In Which I Have a Complete Meltdown

There are too many things going on right now. As Ms. Flopkins told me the other day, the things going on right now are all good, but they are still stressful.

I'm moving, leaving a job of 5+ years, getting married and starting a new career all in a couple of months time. It's like I looked at a list of the most stressful things a person can do in her life and decided to just check off four of them all at once. Why not? Saves the stress on another day.

Except, this means that my bucket is full. I'm full to the brim and each new drop just pushes me over the edge. It's not fair to the people around me.

Then, yesterday.

My supervisor comes up to me, just about five minutes before she is set to flee the building and starts this conversation:

Her: I need to talk to you about the situation with Mr. X.
Me: Whaa? I haven't even had any interaction with Mr. X in months
Her: Exactly, he thinks you're avoiding him.

The conversation just degraded from there. So, this morning, with my bucket overflowing, I decided I needed a pick-me-up. Being at work right now, with this particular type of supervisor, is not easy for me. I called my dad, and he met me at Starbucks. I bought us each a coffee and had some quick conversation, and the world is good again.

But, that's just part of the equation. Earlier in the week, I had a meltdown and directed it at my bridesmaids. I'm owning up to it "in public" here, because I think it's important for people to know that, to borrow a phrase from my soon-to-be husband, weddings "eat your soul." Haha. Planning this wedding has, in many ways, been marvelous. I've gotten to think about my lifetime with WG and revel in the fact that my family's about to get a whole heckava lot bigger and significantly more Oklahoman. I have also had fights with my parents, crying jags to WG (he fixed me, as he tends to do when I'm broken) and now, a meltdown about my bridesmaids, via e-mail of course.

Because that's the best way to handle emotional a forum completely devoid of context. Oy.

I feel like I've smoothed things over, at least as best as they can be for now. My already married bridesmaid understands and is trying ever so hard to keep me grounded. Another is someone I fight with like a sister, and I have faith that we'll keep on loving each other through this. My maid of honor, however, seems to have left the planet.

I know that, come wedding day, though, everyone will be there, and the day will be beautiful.

And I am taking the advice of all the Sadie, Sadie, Married Ladies I've talked to recently and am focusing on WG and our life together, forgetting all the hullabaloo that goes into a wedding.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I am sorry that you're having a meltdown! But I think it's good that it's happening now and that you are self-aware enough to deal with it. I hope that things will get better soon. I found planning my wedding really stressful even though I tried hard to keep the stress potential down! Your "it's a good idea" list was a good one. Hang in there and try to enjoy this stage if you can...

Parchemina (this time I've forgotten my password)