Swagger

We all need to be a bit more like Megan Fox.

I know, I know. The girl has some confidence issues (of the over, not under, variety), but honestly, what's so bad about that every once in a while? Why can't put on clothes that I know complement me and walk with just a bit of a swagger.

In fact, why can't I have a dose of Beyonce in my life?

Damn I know I'm killing you with them legs
Better yet them thighs
Matter a fact it's my smile or maybe my eyes
Boy you a site to see, kind of something like me

It's too big, it's too wide
It's too strong, it won't fit
It's too much, it's too tough
I talk like this 'cause I can back it up

I got a big ego, such a huge ego
But he love my big ego, it's too much
I walk like this 'cause I can back it up

I, I walk like this 'cause I can back it up
I, I talk like this 'cause I can back it up
I, I can back it up, I can back it up
I walk like this 'cause I can back it up

Beyonce's swagger is a bit too...theatrical:



Megan Fox, though,just has this look in her eye:



She's hot. She knows she's hot. She's not going to apologize for it.

I took a little bit of her attitude for myself, and you know what? I liked it.

I felt better about myself, and I even allowed myself to accept a compliment from a customer at work. I had worn a snug jean skirt, a red, close-fitting (but work appropriate) top and some cute little ballet flats.

I told the story to WG...it went like this:

I helped a customer at work today, and he told me to tell you something. It's kind of funny, actually.

Oh, yeah?

Yep. He needed a cd that he thought we didn't have, but I found it for him. I walked back to the desk in front of him. After he got everything he needed from the desk, he looked at the ring and looked at me and said, "No disrespect, but you tell him he's a lucky man." I told him, "I absolutely will."

What's so funny about that?

Normally, if a customer told me something like that, I would just stare at them and hope they'd go away...but I actually accepted his compliment.

WG laughed that particular laugh of his, and I was filled with joy.

The fact is, though, adding a little Megan Fox into my life actually made me feel more confident in myself and more lighthearted when dealing with customers.

So, I dare you, go, add some of the Fox to your day, and let me know how it goes!

Putting It Out There

In her book, The Wishing Year, Noelle Oxenhandler struggles with developing the ability to say her wishes out loud. She has juggled guilt and the feeling that actually asking for what you want is somehow just plain wrong.

I know her pain.

I also believe that I can share in her triumph. I am going to put my wishes out there. Yes, despite the incredible blessings I've seen in my life this year, there are still areas that need attention. I feel guilty and selfish even writing that sentence, but it's true.

I shouldn't feel guilty for wishing for more, for wanting a full and beautiful life.

I do, though, have a multitude of blessings. I have a true love. I have a wonderful, loving family. I have friends who know me and take me the way I am. I have a crazy cat named Marley who brightens up many a day.

Still, I have three wishes for this year, three wishes that, within them, contain dozens of little subwishes that will (almost) automatically come true if these three do.

Here goes.


I wish that my mother's health will improve and that her latest medical hurdle is handled by adept hands.


I wish that WG will find a job that suits him, in an environment where he will be allowed to flourish


I wish for a peaceful, joyous, happy wedding


What's your wish?

Consumed

In the past weeks, I have, for once, allowed life to entirely consume me. I have eagerly fallen into the grasp of a real existence. Somehow, I even managed to break myself of the terrible habit of saying, at every twist and turn, "Once I get through this things will be better." I realized, at the magical age of 28, that saying that constantly meant that I was constantly wishing my life away.

I would rather revel in my life.

And somehow, I have.

I have reveled in a weekend visit from WG's mom. She's a wonderfully wacky woman, and I couldn't have asked for a better mother-in-law. She loves her son, and she loves me not just for loving her son but also for being myself. That is an amazing gift.

I have settled into a cozy seat near a window overlooking the ocean and listened to the voices of my friends and family around me at my bridal shower. The very fact that I have had a bridal shower astonishes me. But I did. A beautiful tea party shower with quirky games and the melding of women from all of my different worlds -- childhood, college, work and even a childhood friend of WG's who has become a friend of mine.

In the weeks since I have discovered what joy my own life brings me, I have also celebrated my dad's birthday just the way he wanted - with the best BBQ ribs you can imagine and watching the movie of HIS choice.

WG and I went with that childhood friend and her boyfriend to tour Santa Cruz, and, well, fun was had by all. I could have stayed on the dock listening the barking of the sea lions for hours, but, alas, we had to head on to the eating of French pastry and the drinking of organic beer.

And then, we come to this weekend.

I saw myself in my own wedding dress for the first time, and it all seemed so blessedly real. I stood on a pedestal, looking in a mirror, and looked, impossibly, like myself. I stood in this gorgeous gown and felt entirely at ease.

Sunday brought Mother's Day, and a meal with my parents at my house. WG grilled trout and zucchini, and we settled in to just spend time together (the real point of Mother's and Father's Day, if you ask me). The other mothers in our lives were called and loved on...

and we convinced my mom that seeing Star Trek on Mother's Day was a perfect end to a sunny May day. She trudged along beside us but found herself laughing out loud at Scotty's antics and admitted, quite willingly, that she'd enjoyed the movie.

Today, we met with our DJ and announced our first song to me. That song is in writing now. That song will go down in scrapbooks and memories, and it's ours for our day for our marriage.

Isn't life amazing?