Saturday, December 01, 2007

But I Don't Wannna

People at my work have babies on a fairly regular basis. I think there has been one child born at least every six or eight months since I've been here. Though everyone on staff has been invited to every last possible baby shower, I haven't been able to make each one. Whew.

The last one I attended involved passing around diapers full of melted chocolate another foods concocted to look like poop. We were supposed to smell and touch the contents of each diaper and guess its real nature. Uhm. Yeah.

We have another shower to attend next week. And I'm not going. 'Cause I don't wanna.

I don't want to spend a Friday evening, uncomfortably nodding as someone talks to me about swelling and...blood...and...stuff I really don't care to know until my own child is about to burst forth from my fertile womb.

I don't want to hear the "birth stories" of everyone I work with. I don't want to ooh and aww over bibs and socks and booties. Trust me, it won't help for me to go home to WG with my mind full of baby-sized spoons and adorable stuffed animals (maternal instincts and the desire for a little, cooing infant overcome even the best of "I'm not ready" intentions). And, I just don't wanna go.

I bought a gift. But I can't take being squeezed in amongst a bunch of middle-aged women who blame their children for their thighs.

Whenever I have the chance to have or throw a baby shower, I will declare a moratorium on birth stories. You can talk about your baby. You can talk about vomit. But I don't want to hear about plugs or cords, unless you're talking about the WII you're going to get me for Christmas.

And then there's the wedding of the year. The one I'm not going to attend. Exactly how far does the "family friend" obligation extend? My mother's friend has 8 children. Two or three of whom have even the remotest idea who I am. The one getting married is not one of those three. And I see no reason to spend an ENTIRE Saturday in the holiday season attending the wedding of someone I don't know and don't really like. Plus, WG will be home in the Corral, and I have no desire to attend this wedding without WG along for the sake of entertainment, alone.

So, that's two things I don't wanna do, and I'm not gonna.

...oh, and as long as we're on the subject. I'm not gonna invite people to my wedding just because they may at one time have baby-sat me. Sigh.


Bre said...

I can certainly see why you wouldn't want to!

brandy said...

Perfectly timed! I have a friend (who I see maybe, twice a year now since she's moved out of the city and has 3 kids), who's sister just had a baby. I got an invite to the baby shower tomorrow and although I technically could go, I don't want to. I know the sister enough to make small talk with her, but nothing more. I'm taking a stand by not going. I will send a gift and my apologies, but keep my Sunday to myself. I need one.

AKA said...

The games only seem to appeal to women who are already moms, or who have a huge urge to have lots of babies of their own. I want children, but at my baby shower I'm going to ask to skip all the games and just have a party!

Sith Esq. said...

I've been reading your blog religiously for the past few weeks and I'd have to say, this is your greatest blog EVER! You sound so cynical and angry with the world! It's wonderful to finally see this side of you. Of course this means when ever I find out a friend is having a baby, they send you an invite to their shower.