Monday, August 27, 2007

Steps Forward Induce a Mild State of Confusion in 20-Something Woman

Sundays were getting harder and harder to handle. A couple of weeks ago, I nearly shed tears when he left for the day, and I can't even tell you why. I decided months ago that I actually enjoyed my Sunday evenings. I could take care of some of my special things like watching a movie no one would want to watch with me, catching up on e-mail and blogs, reading, working out, just filling my evening and feeling better prepared for the week at hand.

Last Wednesday, I headed up to Napa, and after about 1/2 an hour of me reading and him wandering around World of Warcraft, he brought up the topic of changing our date night from Wednesday to Monday. What this means is that I would see him on Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday, unless either of us needed one of those nights for something else. This extends our time together by about a day and a half. No more would Sunday nights end at 5 p.m. And when I have Mondays off, every other month, he'll just come to my place, or I'll head to his, and we'll have a whole afternoon together. This is MORE time together, for the first time since our sad attempt at him "staying" with me.

And I am thrilled.

And when I think about the fact that no matter how much I enjoyed spacing out on the couch with my cat snuggled beside me, I still wanted him there, well then, I should be thrilled.

But last night was the first of those Sundays, and waking up this morning I felt a bit out of sorts. Granted, I could have gone to the gym instead of taking a nap. I could have run to the grocery store and left him to handle his own business, but I didn't want to. I was dappled and drowsy and ready for sleep, and this week, I am starting out completely relaxed.

But also mildly confused.

Although we're not moving in together, last week and this morning, I felt a bit like that Friends episode when Chandler wants to move in with Monica.
Chandler: "How about if I unpack my stuff here."
Monica: "Well, then, all of your stuff would be here."
Chandler: "Yeah...."
Monica: "But then, you'd be going back and forth all the time, and that just doesn't make any sense."
Chandler: "How about if we live together and you understand what I'm saying!

I almost told him last night, "Hey, you need to put away your computer, 'cause you'll be in a rush in the morning," but I didn't. After he'd left, I realized, "Oh, he didn't need to pack up his computer 'cause he'll be BACK HERE tonight." I'm grateful that sometimes I can plug things into my brain and wake up with them making sense.

This whole more time together is marvelous but also strange and new.


ruby said...

I love that you have set date nights!

Parchemina said...

Hey Sarah,

Thanks for your encouragement and all your thoughts on your relationship. They have helped me to move on in my relationship too, and now I am engaged!! There was a bit of the old doubt and panic this morning, but overall it's all good :)

Sarah said...

Ruby - Me too! I can't have it any other way, or I'd get way too clingy. I know my limits.

Parchemina - YAY! Congratulations! That is fabulous, dahling!