Sundays were getting harder and harder to handle. A couple of weeks ago, I nearly shed tears when he left for the day, and I can't even tell you why. I decided months ago that I actually enjoyed my Sunday evenings. I could take care of some of my special things like watching a movie no one would want to watch with me, catching up on e-mail and blogs, reading, working out, just filling my evening and feeling better prepared for the week at hand.
Last Wednesday, I headed up to Napa, and after about 1/2 an hour of me reading and him wandering around World of Warcraft, he brought up the topic of changing our date night from Wednesday to Monday. What this means is that I would see him on Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday, unless either of us needed one of those nights for something else. This extends our time together by about a day and a half. No more would Sunday nights end at 5 p.m. And when I have Mondays off, every other month, he'll just come to my place, or I'll head to his, and we'll have a whole afternoon together. This is MORE time together, for the first time since our sad attempt at him "staying" with me.
And I am thrilled.
And when I think about the fact that no matter how much I enjoyed spacing out on the couch with my cat snuggled beside me, I still wanted him there, well then, I should be thrilled.
But last night was the first of those Sundays, and waking up this morning I felt a bit out of sorts. Granted, I could have gone to the gym instead of taking a nap. I could have run to the grocery store and left him to handle his own business, but I didn't want to. I was dappled and drowsy and ready for sleep, and this week, I am starting out completely relaxed.
But also mildly confused.
Although we're not moving in together, last week and this morning, I felt a bit like that Friends episode when Chandler wants to move in with Monica.
Chandler: "How about if I unpack my stuff here."
Monica: "Well, then, all of your stuff would be here."
Monica: "But then, you'd be going back and forth all the time, and that just doesn't make any sense."
Chandler: "How about if we live together and you understand what I'm saying!
I almost told him last night, "Hey, you need to put away your computer, 'cause you'll be in a rush in the morning," but I didn't. After he'd left, I realized, "Oh, he didn't need to pack up his computer 'cause he'll be BACK HERE tonight." I'm grateful that sometimes I can plug things into my brain and wake up with them making sense.
This whole more time together is marvelous but also strange and new.