Warning: This post will make me seem incredibly shallow and, quite possibly, ridiculously immature (not that the others don't also have that potential).
This weekend, after seven, no eight months of being with WG, I finally got that he's in the relationship, too. It's not all about my wants and needs. It's not all about whether he can make me happy, whether he can handle my needs. It's about whether or not he's happy, too. Apparently, there are two people in this relationship, not just full-scale person me and an empty-shell with a great smile known as Wine Guy. What a concept.
For one of the first times, I really asked him questions about his past. I've meant to, and I swear I actually did way back in those hazy, blurry, exhausted first weeks of our relationship, but I'm actually paying attention now.
See, all those months ago, I was on patrol for warning signs, the dangerous flags that might alert me to major flaws that I just could not handle. I was watching him closely to make sure that I could handle his baggage, but once it passed through my security measures, I never looked at what was inside. I wasn't really paying attention to him. Oh, no, of course not. Don't be silly.
After two long car rides in a Mitsubishi Eclipse and several hours of deep conversation in a smaller-than-hoped-for hotel room (with what sounded like no-pane glass) at the beach, I'm getting a better sense of who WG is, how he came to be, what he cares about, and what he wants for his life. Before, I could have answered all of those questions for you, because I knew the facts, but I didn't really understand them.
Now, I'm stoked about asking him more questions and having the chance to understand the man I love.
This is so cool! There's like, a whole other person in this relationship. Wow! Who'd a thunk it?
6 comments:
This does not seem shallow to me at all. It sounds like you are getting past the first part of the relationship and on to the good stuff where you are getting comfortable enough to let him in and to know more about in. I can't do those things in the very beggining very well because I am always looking for the warning signs and for a reason to bail as well. Good for you!
yes, good for you - i agree. i'm impressed/intrigued that you guys have been so long before hitting this stage though. it sounds like you'll now have a solid foundation for moving forward. congrats!
You are so funny but this post isn't shallow. It's real. Now you've gotten past all the beginning stuff and it's on to stage two.
It's funny. I did know most of the stuff we've talked about already, none of the stories are completely new to me. I just didn't understand them when he told me early on. Now the stories aren't just stories, they're the history of this man in my life. They mean something that they didn't before.
hahahaha oh you're too funny! It's not shallow sweetie, you were just building the foundation first.Its natural to look for warning signs at first...truly understanding a person takes time.
It's completely understandable to be watching out for warning signs! I think we need to - it's better to spot the signs and get out before it gets really messy. But I know I've found it really hard to know when to relax and stop looking for them. :)
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