Tuesday, May 15, 2007

This is not a Musical

nor is it a novel

or a movie

or a play

or even a sitcom.

This is my life.

Maybe it's because I have a writer somewhere inside me (not like a scary little elf, but you know, a part of my personality that would greatly like to sit down and churn out a fabulous novel), or maybe it's because I read so freakin' much (it's not that I watch too many Romantic Comedies, no, that's not it at all), but I tend to think of myself as a "character."

And I bristle at the fact that I am a terribly difficult character to write.

I'm not "the homecoming queen" or "the quirky and fabulous woman who saves the world and those around her with some weird little idea, all while wearing a scarf and carrying a funky purse." Nor am I the romantic lead. Or the goofy girl who simply accepts her goofy ways and loves herself no matter what. I'm no one thing, and really, who is? I'm just ME. But for some reason, I tend to have a hard time accepting that.

I want to be the glamorous, chic, pulled together woman who can have a dinner party without getting spaghetti sauce all over her white stove. I want to be the calm, cool, collected and fabulously beautiful woman who makes men drool at her feet.

But I'm not.

I'm all of the things that come out as I write. I'm something no words can describe. I'm Sarah.

And I need to stop narrating my life in my head, as though I were the omniscient narrative voice in one of those Brit Lit novels I read.

And I need to stop trying to write myself a new role.

6 comments:

Mrs. said...

Indeed.

brandy said...

I relate. I attempt to be sophisticated woman and yet I manage to have difficulties with my stapler. You and I might be in the same boat my friend...

ruby said...

Ah you too? I write myself roles too...only to realize I'm not the cute scarf, funky purse all the time either and sometimes I'm just a flip flops and jean skirt girl.

Sarah said...

I think of all of the options, I feel most like the cuty scarf, funky purse girl, but only because she's got the license to be kind of goofy. Really, I want to be Audrey Hepburn and Grace Kelly...

singlemuslimah said...

I always want to be Grace Kelly or Princess Diana but sometimes, I'm a little Fergie, Duchess of York. Ah, what can you do? At the end of the day, we are who we are.

Sarah said...

I've decided that we all want to be Grace Kelly but are more like Lucille Ball. And she's awesome. I'm okay with that.

Lucille Ball...

or Addison from Gray's Anatomy -- pretty, put together, but a total klutz and a mess at relationships.