So Not a Spy....

I know. I know. Dreams are one of the less creative things to write about...but...but..BABIES.

I know I'm not the only blogger dreaming about babies, but this time, it felt more serious and silly at the same time. It's ridiciulous. I dreamt I had just given birth to a son named Mattaeus...see, I can't even spell my own son's name, I'm destined to be a bad mother, oy! Anyway, I got invited to some party at a friend's house, and I asked my mother if she thought if it was a good idea if I took my one week old son with me and my husband (yes, it was WG) to the party. She did not. And I couldn't decide whether I wanted to leave him with my parents for the night and go to this thing. I mean, he was only a week old, and I was already bored with him?! Come on!

In my conscious life, things are good. I have realized this week that I really and truly am comfortable with WG.

A while ago, say in March, I set up a MySpace. Then I set up a Facebook. WG is active on Facebook, seeing as how all of his college and many of his high school buds are all on there, constantly talking to each other. He knew I was exploring "social networking" (such a professional term for such a non-professional activity),and I could have sent a notice asking him to be my friend, and it would have gone through. But I decided I could let him have Facebook and not check up on him and see who is friends are and who he talks to and whether or not he really did change his status to "in a relationship" like he randomly told me months ago that he did.

But I didn't do anything with my page, and I wasn't using the site. So, letting him have it was sort of meaningless. It's like letting someone eat the coffee ice cream out of the freezer when you hate that flavor anyway.

And then, as it happens, this week my high school group, my core posse, started to get actively involved, "friended me" and we started posting on each other's walls. Now that I'm actually using Facebook and not just mildly familiar with its existence, I still find that I really don't want to friend WG. I don't want to check his status. I don't need to see what he says to and about other people or what his friends say about him. It's like horning in private conversations, conversations he has to be able to have!

I am comfortable with him having a life that doesn't involve me spying on him.

Just the same, I mentioned that I had used Facebook this week...it'll keep him on his toes wondering whether or not I'll try to "friend" him. I take strange comfort in that.