Friday, February 23, 2007

A Better Outlook

Today, I feel better. I didn't wake up feeling better right away, but now it's 10 a.m., and I am officially in a good mood.

I have realized several things in the last twelve hours or so.

1) I'm not crazy. I'm a woman in love, and I'm feeling a bit insecure about the relationship. That's a valid feeling.

2) As much as I profess the opposite, I am not good with change, and the next few weeks will be riddled with it. I will feel better when a routine is established and I have some idea of when Wine Guy and I will get to see each other on a regular basis.

3) Y'all probably think I'm nuts for obsessing over this guy like this, and I can see your point!

4) I also know that for me anything past three weeks in a relationship seems fragile and new, like a butterfly just learning to fly. While four months should feel stable, to me it's so brand new that I feel it's about to fall apart at any moment.

5) I realized that I shouldn't be worrying so much about whether Wine Guy will leave me. I should let him worry about whether or not he's good enough for me

I also read a quote that said that trust builds gradually. Calling someone my boyfriend after about a month of dating him doesn't mean I completely trust him. How much can you trust someone after knowing them for a month? Now, I've known him for over four months (nearly five if you count the time we talked before meeting), and I'm realizing how long it takes for trust to build.

I trust that he won't cheat on me. I can see that much. But trusting in an uncertain future is difficult for me, and I'm working out how I actually feel about that.

My friend Milada said, and I quote, "I would have asked homeboy by this point, 'where is this relationship going?' because the suspense of not knowing exactly how he feels would kill me." Maybe she has a point...

1 comment:

Mrs. said...

as a very good man that I know (but whom it still took me years to trust!), if Wine Guy doesn't realize that "she's the best thing that's EVER going to happen to him, then he needs to just move his a** along!"