Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Calming Down and Cheering Up

I think that one of the most interesting and challenging things I've learned how to do since "growing up" a little bit is holding in emotions when it is appropriate to do so.

Most people who've known me even, say a year, have seen me have a bit of a melt-down. It's something that happens to me, and I've learned to accept it. I'm a fairly sane person who is in control of her emotions most of the time, but I do have melt-downs. I'm not gonna lie, and I know one of y'all would call me on it :Þ

So, while I still have melt-downs over major issues, or sometimes over a multitude of minor issues, I've learned when it is and is not appropriate to actually confront someone over something they've said or done. I can take a breath and consider the possibility that what happened had nothing whatsoever to do with me, that it was a careless comment or an action taken while exhausted, that was in no way intended to hurt poor little me.

Of course, what usually ends up happening is that my mom, dad and closest friends have to hear about the non-insult in all of it's ridiculous detail, but at least I don't ruin a perfectly good friendship over nothing. Anymore.

* * *

On another note, I'm still having trouble grasping the concept that I actually deserve to be happy. Yes, I'll whine about not being happy and wonder aloud why I can't be (although, honestly, most of the time I am), but secretly (or not so secretly), what I really wonder is whether I'm even worthy of having happiness. The Bible tells me I am. And six days out of seven, I can tell you that God loves me and wants me to be happy. But man, when those seventh days roll around, sometimes two or three in a row, they're harsh. Quite frankly, they suck.

So, what am I going to do about it? Well, today, I'm going to go home, give my parents big hugs, feed my pets and talk to my best friend on the phone for the first time in months. Then, tomorrow, I'll be all better.

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