Thursday, July 07, 2005

I've been thinking a lot about "creativity." Maybe it's because of the book I'm reading, Never Let Me Go , where the characters are required to "be creative," or maybe it's Irene's recent comment about how I should thrive on the ups and downs of emotion, since I like to think of myself as an artist.

I don't mind the ups and downs of emotion, but I think that they damage those around me. When I was a child, I had frequent outbursts of anger. Over the years, I've learned to control those almost entirely. I'll admit to bouts of temper from time to time, but nothing like the tantrums I battled (and those around me suffered) when I was much, much younger.

The downside of calming myself down? My creativity takes a nose dive. I haven't written a short story in at least a year...and it's not writer's block. I just have no desire to sit down and write fiction.

I have tried to bring back some of my creative juices, and I feel really pleased with a collage I made and entered into the county fair. It's called "The Storyteller," and I had it rattling around in my brain for about three months before I actually did something about it. I know that I'm an amateur, but the guy at the exhibits desk, said, "Wow! Cool!" when I turned it that may not be high praise from a critic, but it's not from a parent or loved one, so I'll take it as meaningful.

I guess what I'm saying is that while I've learned to control my emotions to some extent, I haven't lost as much of my creativity as I had feared. I'm just expressing myself in new ways now. And that can't be all bad, right?

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