Pink Cereal and Raspberries

I've been watching old episodes of Felicity (on DVD - my roommate got me hooked for the last season in 2002, and now I want to know how it all started) in between searching for a job, deciding on a new grad school/grad program and otherwise keeping myself busy. Now, I'm thinking in questions like Felicity does - or is it more like Carrie on Sex and The City? In any case, I've got some questions rolling around in my head.

Is it possible to just start all over fresh? Can I be a life virgin? They talk about "re-virginization" for people who want to cleanse themselves of their past sexual encounters. I don't have that to worry about, but I feel like I'm completely starting over this year. In many ways, some good and some bad, the last year has cleansed me of Berkeley. It has made me crave it, but it's also created so many new memories that I'm not quite sure who I am anymore. I've lost some of my confidence - it's a tough job market, and I wasn't exactly challenging myself mentally (emotionally, yes) over the last few months, and I feel like I've dumbed down a bit. I feel like a completely different person.

Also, I feel like I've been cleansed of all past non-relationships. It's been over a year since I've had anything to be excited/bitter/anxious/joyous/indifferent about, and I no longer feel anything specific when love songs come on the radio. Maybe it's a revirginization of my soul - that's not such a bad thing, I supppose, but is that what's happened? Do I have to relearn everything I've struggled to pass through my feeble social mind?

As happy as I am to be home - and that's what I actually am right now, happy, or at the least, content (which is nothing to laugh at), I've still got that urge to run. Right now, I've got no money with which to do that, but I still want to see New York, and I want to go back to Europe. Since I've left already, I'm no longer satisified being only here. I'm looking forward to travelling with my family this winter, but I'd like some opportunties of my own.

I'm not settled, that much I know.

p.s. Here's to all of us who are no longer "in da club." I think the club might even be disbanded...am I right?