Happier than before. Certainly true.
Not as happy as I want to be. True again.
Angry for no apparent reason. Every day.
Wishing my lungs would work. Every moment.
Missing my friends. Always.
Do you know what would make me happy?
I haven't a clue.
I do know that I need to find it soon.
For if I continue to stumble through this life discontented,
I fear that I will do more harm than good.
It's not enough for me to help other people.
I need to help myself.
But I don't even know where to begin.
I try to convince myself that I will find my happiness in
Making others smile.
It's not enough, I know now.
For I am forgetting how to make myself smile.
Descending into somewhere I don't want to be,
I reach out and find everyone busy.
So I lie and say that I am busy, too.
Oh, my life feels so full at times, but
I am lacking in so many areas.
I hear of others getting together,
and I feel abandoned.
I understand that my fears were true.
That they hung out with me only because
I was there.
Now that I'm not. They don't need me.
Or want me around.
Still, I can be cheered.
Adolescent boys find me fascinating.
Where were those boys when I was their age?
Where are those boys my age?
Where have I gone?
How can I find my way back to the girl I was
Before I knew that I don't quite fit in?
How can I find the joy I once found in
Simply being Myself?
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