I have a daily Yiddish Calendar...it's supposed to teach me a word or phrase everyday. Here's the one for yesterday: Tachlis. The sentence: You need to find your tachlis to really be happy in life. Tachlis (TAKH-lis) - Achievement, purpose. That's what I've been working on since May (well, really since about two years ago when I suddenly started to freak out, because I didn't have a plan). Honestly, I'm searching for meaning in work, and I'm not sure that I'll find it there. You know those movies where a woman has a baby, and once she's all cleaned up and looking all "glowing" in her (private) hospital room, the nurse brings in the baby, and the woman holds the baby and says, "This is what I'm here for." Yeah, I have a feeling that will be me. I just don't know how to get there.
I know that I talk about this stuff a lot - my mom even said yesterday, "do we have to talk about this everyday?" Well, no. But I think about it everyday...drive myself crazy thinking about it everyday...This is part of what I miss about college, having people around who don't mind just bs-ing about the same old stuff for hours on end. Now, I just feel like I'm annoying people if I talk about my problems. I guess I'll become another typical American, or actually, European (now that I think about it...), and keep all my problems inside until I develop an ulcer. It seems to work for the rest of my crazy family.
Meanwhile, I had this crazy dream. I won't go into detail, but suffice it to say it was like the end of the world or something, and my husband (!) and I decided, without really having to think about it, that we would get off of this weird train that was driving through the world touring the mass destruction (small pox, people being chased by dogs, etc) in order to find out two children (one boy, one girl). Once off, the train conductor, a freak named "god" (but it wasn't really, of course) told us that he was willing to sacrifice us, because we were only "one lifeline." Anyway... who knows what that one means!
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