Okay, writing early today. I MIGHT start a job tomorrow, so I want to make sure to get to bed early. It will certainly be strange having to get into a regular sleeping/waking routine - especially one so similar to what I used in high school.... oh well, at least they'll be PAYING me this time. haha.
So, I have officially decided that I want and am ready for a boyfriend. I used to whine about not having one, then I almost had several (not at the same time). Finally, I figured out that I really close myself off from the affection I crave the most. Certainly, I know what I want, and if after 3 weeks, I know I'm not going to get it - so be it - move on. Still, there are some situations (jerk 2 and the coward, to name a couple) that I could have handled better.
Step 1: Get a date. Okay, so I have a crush on the guy at the gym. His name is Matthew; he's got dark hair and dark eyes and a little goatee that I actually find kind of sexy (not at all like you know who's)...but he has a lisp. I'm okay with that. Honest. In any case, I think he's really cute, and I'd like to start talking to him and getting to know him. Problem: He hasn't been there the last 4 times I've gone (yes, I've started to keep track of this). He's an employee there, so he could certainly have quit, or worse: MOVED AWAY. Aggh. Luckily, I have no particular attachment to Matthew, so now would be the perfect time to develop another crush.
Problem: I cannot flirt to save my life. I've flirted when the situation suited it, like in a blind date situation, but never just for the sake of trying to get some guy's number or get him to ask for mine. I have finally managed to get myself to dress nicely when I go out, but I still cannot make eye contact. I also have this tendency to hide behind my mom when there's a cute guy. It's really something I have to work on. At the very least, I'm lucky that I'm realizing all of this stuff now and coming to terms with it.
Solution: GET OVER IT. START FLIRTING. I need to go out to a club w/my best girl friends and (without any expectations) start flirting. I'd probably do better if we went to a local park where singles hang out and, instead of just checking out the guys, actually talk to them (any takers??).
Tomorrow (or tuesday) is the first day of my new life as an employee. Perhaps it will be the first day of the new, flirtatious (but NOT at work) me... We'll see. And I'll keep you posted!
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