First, the GREAT NEWS....I GET TO SEE JOHN MAYER (aka, my secret LOVAH) tonight. Although, I have heard this nasty little rumor that he's going out with Jennifer Love Hewitt - no comment. That's okay, I'll wow Mr. Mayer with my attentive gaze and with, well, ME. haha.
The real problem, though, is that I can't seem to get over the need to have the approval of my 16 year old cousin. Over the past couple of years she has become what I have never been: cool. I'm over the need to be cool, myself, but I still need her approval. I want her to look up to me rather than feel sorry for me. I need her to know that I have friends. I have a life. I like the life I have! She's 16, has (or at least had the last time I knew) a boyfriend and also seems to be flunking high school chemistry. She's got her own problems, I suppose. I'm the "smart one" in the family, I suppose, but that always seemed tantamount to being "the ugly one," even though I'm not ugly. Oy-vey!
She's coming over tomorrow with her family, and I have already started to worry about what I'll wear and what I'll say. I've started calculating all my ex-es (or whatever they are), hoping that my "experience" will count for something. I need her approval, because I lost it rather suddenly about 2 years ago, when she got skinny. I worried about her quick weight loss, while everyone else told her how great she looked. Once she got thin, she got new friends and a new life - I'm glad that she doesn't get teased about her weight anymore (no kid should have to go through that!), but I also miss her personality. I remember the time she wrote me a letter asking me to call or write her ex-best friend, because said friend had really hurt her. She wanted me to defend her. Now, she wants nothing to do with me. Interesting.
Moral of the story: It's my problem, not hers, and I guess I just have to let her grow up. Hopefully, in a few years, she'll realize how valuable her family is, and maybe she'll come looking for advice. Even if she does think I'm a big dork...
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