Another One of Those Aha Moments

It's become increasingly clear that my life is full of little ephiphanies. I'll suddenly realize two months on that I was asking too much of WG and that's why he was acting like I was asking too much of him. Or I'll look at my parents and realize how much they both need and love each other and how it's been amazing for them to rediscover each other since I moved out.

As I've tapered off on my multi-tasking, I've had a few more of those moments. I've realized that I can't say yes to everything, because then nothing gets done well. I've narrowed this down even further lately. I truly love some aspects of my job, but I can't do them well if I take on far too many tasks. If I want to be good at something, I need to give it the respect it deserves. If I want to take pride in offering a lapsit storytime program geared towards teen moms, then I need to start working on the monthly program more than a week before it happens.

Sometimes the aha's occur gradually, and that's what happened today.

WG's mom is coming into town, and I'm excited. She's a fun and interesting woman, and it does me good to see WG with someone who has known him so long and in such a different way than I know him. Most of the weekend will be spent showing her around the area, drinking champagne, and she'll be meeting my parents at dinner on Saturday. WG picked up his mom at the airport this morning, and I have to work until five. I realized that I had a break in my day, and I seriously considered calling and telling him that they could drop by the library, and we could go out for coffee.

And then it hit me.

This trip isn't about me.

Duh.

The two of them will have me around for the next two days. Perhaps they'd like some mother-son time. Wow. People can have a good time when I'm not around? No! Impossible!

Well, to be honest, I knew that that people could have fun without me around...I just don't want to miss out on the action.

And do you know the catalyst that led me to the full realization?

It was him:

Tosh is an energetic and exciting puppy, and he falls over spread eagle at my feet whenever I come home, just so I can scratch his belly (and I am the only person upon whom he bestows this unique honor). But he also butts in to any attention the other two dogs are getting. He'll literally squeeze himself in between the two older dogs as they get pet. He'll line himself up next to whichever dog settles out in the open on the deck.

Overall, he generally makes a pest of himself, because he doesn't want to waste a single moment not participating in the fun things that are happening in the world.

My interpretation of the monologue in his head is this:
Hey, hey you. What's happening? What's going on? Come outside and pet me! yes! Oh! the door's OPPPPPPEN. You're coming outside. Bounce. Bounce. I'm so happy I have to bounce. Oh, you're petting me. Ooooooh. I'm so happy I have to fall down...and...belly rub! Yes. Wait. You're petting him?! No! pet me! Me! ME!

And you know what? That's not all too far off from my inner monologue when I realize that people are off having fun without me.

So, I didn't call. I backed off and let two people have fun without my fabulous presence (hard though it is for me to believe that anyone in the world can have fun when I'm not around...). And I'll let the puppy be the one who butts into people's business, and I'll go about being a grown up, albeit one who still has a great enthusiasm for having a grand olde time.

Not to worry. I'll let Toshie be Toshie.

Real World Wednesday

Inspirational Women

Famous Women I Totally Dig

There are some women, actresses, authors, activitists, that I think deserve even more praise than they already get. So, on the off chance that you're not entirely aware of the awesomeness of these ladies, I wanted to make sure that even more people in the world know about them.

Ann Brashares

- The author of the acclaimed Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series really caught my breath with The Last Summer of You and Me. I'm thrilled that this talented woman has branched out from Young Adult Fiction, and her current book is the one that inspired me to go back to the keyboard.

Patricia Heaton

- She's an emmy award winning actress and the spokesperson for Feminists for Life. She's married with three kids, has a career and speaks out in support of more resources for student mothers. What's not inspiring about that?

Laura Bush

- There needed to be at least one librarian called to the front of the line this month. Forget who she's married to if you must, but we must give Mrs. Bush the credit she deserves for the attention she's brought to libraries nationwide, particularly school libraries. Additionally, she continues to ensure that the libraries hit by Hurricane Katrina get the renewed resources they need. Libraries are infinitely important sources of information and assistance, particularly in communities that have suffered in the way those hit by Hurricane Katrina have suffered; Mrs. Bush makes sure they get what they need.

Three real-life women making strides and inspiring other women to action, however great, however small.

And here's a Real World Wednesday Barista Update!

In Which I Wax Poetic About Shopping

My mother has given up shopping for the year. It's not a religious thing (well, maybe just a bit), but she is stepping away from the material world for just a while. At least for herself. It hasn't stopped her from buying things for me, but still, it's not the same when your shopping partner won't be trying on anything herself.

By default, I ended up giving up shopping for clothes for Lent. I don't really need anything, but lately I've found myself pausing over descriptions of purses. "Buttery soft leather" always catches me. I enjoy buttery soft leather. I especially enjoy it when it's a buttery, creamy leather. So, picture it, a creamy yellow, buttery soft, leather purse. Sigh.

After seeing a picture of myself from the back (big sigh), I've realized that I need new pants. I'm squeezing into pants that have no business on my body. So, I crave a shopping spree. Alas, my checking account cannot handle any such spree, and so I wait patiently for the time when my rent does not chip so heavily at my fashion budget.

If I could go on a spree, what would I buy?

Lucky magazine had a spread on "eco-friendly" clothes. Sadly, most things were over $100 or $150. So, my imaginary spree will do a number on the environment, because even my imagination is more budget conscious than environmentally friendly.

Well, first I'd stop off over here and invest in some undergarments that make me feel a little more grown-up. You know, like undergarments that match each other. I have long wanted a lingerie drawer, the kind that requires tissue paper in between each fabulous, silky piece. I pictured having this drawer as a married woman, but, hey, why can't I have it now, just for me? Why must all of my material dreams wait until I'm married? Heh...they do not have to, I tell you.

After successfully caring for the inside layer, I might run over here for some pants that fit just right. Then a quick trip over to a perennial favorite for some skirts that look good, feel good and don't break the bank.

Tops? Oh, those I'll just pick up along the way, maybe here or a mini-spree at the greatest money-sucker known to my bank account.

Shoes? Yes. Shoes. If I can't find what I so crave at TJ Maxx, well, then Macy's it would have to be, ladies. Preferably during one of their mega-mongo 40% of clearance sales. Ahhhh. What kinds of shoes? Black flats. Sexy, walkable heels. A pair of boots to replace mine that are worn out at the heel.

Oh, that feels much better. I feel like I've replenished my wardrobe just by thinking about it.

And that buttery, soft leather purse. Thankfully, I have one already. It's pink.

What's your shopping daydream?

Changing Room

The other day, as I announced another positive change I was making in my life, WG looked at me and said the following:

I find this fascinating. I have changed one thing about myself, and you're always working on changing something. When I was a high school freshman, I figured out that no one responded to the shy guy, so I changed. And that's the last time I've actively tried to change something about myself.

Well, that's true, and WG is gregarious (one of my favorite words, by the way) and outgoing to the max. He can make a friend in any crowd. So, his change paid a big dividend. Heck, the guy's got over 400 friends on Facebook, and he knows them all.

We're two very different people, though, and I don't think I'll ever be 100% satisfied with myself. Change happens in my life on a regular basis, and I am more or less okay with that by now.

I've noticed over the past several weeks that I've felt less and less cranky about my job. There's the partial explanation of coming to accept that God has got me on this path for a reason, but the realization of the other explanation took me by surprise earlier this week.

Other changes I've decided to announce (because when I tell them to just myself, they rarely last more than a week):

Leaving for work five minutes earlier (this includes coming back to work from my lunch break

Mentioning schedule concerns only when there is a true conflict, not just when I feel unjustly assigned

Not engaging in workplace whining...this may be the hardest to adapt into my routine

Leaving the building for at least one of my two daily breaks

And finally, when I first requested The Girls' Guide to Kicking Your Career Into Gear from the library, I was in the midst of my, "I need a new career" panic. By the time I sat down to actually read the thing, I realized that I don't want to kick a brand new career into gear. No, no, I want to work on actually turning my budding career into something that matters. For those of you trying to start, build or change your career, I highly recommend this book as a way to get motivated.

After flipping through the book, I think the biggest over-arching change is for me to be more mature about my job and the way I act when I'm there.

It is without regret that I step aside from my whining, complaining, irritating, irritated self.

And I have all of you to hold me accountable.

Real World Wednesday

Continuing with Inspirational Women.

Let's take a brief look at women around the world who should inspire us all.

Betty Makoni, of Zimbabwe received support from the Global Fund for Women for her Girl-Child Network. Ms. Makoni's organization creates girls' clubs throughout the towns and villages in Zimbabwe. These clubs provide a place for girls to gather, learn and become empowered against pervasive sexual and domestic abuse in their nation. Because of the Girl-Child Network, more than 15,000 girls have gone to school and 65% of the participants who have been abused or who are otherwise disabled received a score of "excellent" on their 7th grade exam. Ms. Makoni recognized a strong need in her community and sought to actively address the need.

Wangari Maathai won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2004 for her work with The Green Belt Movement. The Green Belt Movement, based in Kenya, works to plant trees and improve the environment for everyone living today and tomorrow. With a 30-year-old organization as one of her accomplishments, Dr. Maathai is proof that women can inspire and foster long-lasting change.

Joanne Sandler is the Ad Interim Executive Director of the United Nations Development Fund for Women (UNIFEM). While I don't know much about Ms. Sandler on a personal level, UNIFEM is a program that should encourage all of us to get involved in global women's issues. UNIFEM provides financial and technical assistance to innovative programs and strategies to foster women's empowerment and gender equality. Peppered throughout UNIFEM's site are resources that activitists can use to research and act on the issues in their own communities. Most recently, UNIFEM wrapped up the 2008 Commission on the Status of Women. A global organization acting in the interest of all women...take a look.

We Who Change

In the past two weeks, I have had no less than three conversations with longtime friends who worry that my life has taken a turn they do not like. What's funny is that it's my life...not theirs.

I have, at times, appreciated the insight of my family and friends as I consider my future. There are times when I am certain only of the fact that I can be certain about nothing and I need someone to remind me of who I am. But the past year and a half, as I've settled into my job, my relationship and a new church, I have faced plenty of questions from those who knew me way back when.

There are others, like my parents and other, not decades old friends, who simply accept my life as it is, not without questions, but without harsh judgment. I'm very grateful for this calm acceptance.

I am also, in a way, grateful for the challenge presented by those who truly question my decisions and warn me time and again not to "compromise" myself. Their inquiries make me more sure of my choices.

In talking about the three rather difficult conversations, I have come to realize that, in part, these particular friends fear that if I change, it means they have to change as well. If I can question a religious institution they hold dear, what does that mean for them? If I can ponder leaving the Golden State, does that affect their ability to stay here for the rest of their lives?

Because if they have to change, if this will be required, they may have no idea where to start. And that's terrifying.

A Little Insight

into my job...courtesy of Unshelved, the comic strip about libraries and librarians.



Things (meaning my general attitude, mostly, though that's not a plural...)were better this week, and it always helps when I can see things using a different perspective...in this case, the perspective of people who've been there, too.

On a Bandwagon

Stolen from Skrinkering Hearts and Yummy Sushi Pajamas.

So, here's the deal.
1. Go to www.photobucket.com
2. Type in your answer to the question in the “search” box
3. Use only the first page
4. Insert the picture into your Blog

1) What is your relationship status?



2) Who is your favorite band/artist?



3) What is your favorite movie?



4) What kind of pet do you have?



5) Where do you work?



6) What do you look like?



7) Where do you live?



8) What do you drive?



9) What's your favorite tv show?



10) Describe yourself.



11) What's your name?



12) What is your favorite candy?

Real World Wednesday

Inspirational Women

I read the newspaper this week with a keen eye. I searched for stories about inspirational women that I could share here.

I can't say for certain that there weren't any stories, but in a week heavy with politics and economics, there wasn't much room for editorials or feature stories about amazing women.

When I sat down to write this, the only name that popped into my mind was Elizabeth Edwards.

Elizabeth Edwards has vanished from the spotlight since her husband, John, removed himself from the presidential campaign. The day that John Kerry conceded the 2004 presidential election to George W. Bush, Elizabeth was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. In March of last year, the cancer returned, just as her husband began his own presidential race.

It's not only cancer that has struck Mrs. Edwards. In 1996, her son, Wade was killed when he lost control of a Jeep.

The wife of a lawyer and politician, Elizabeth Edwards has not led a charmed life. She has had what appears to be well more than her fair share of heartache, but she appears at events by her husband's side with a supportive smile on her face.

She is a political wife who makes no attempts at politics, herself, but she has written Saving Graces, a personal memoir that talks, in her down to earth style, about the various challenges she's faced in her life.

Elizabeth Edwards is inspirational because of her normalcy, because she allows herself to be a wife, a mother and an independent woman.

I Wish

*That religion wasn't so divisive
*That politics hadn't become just as bad as Hollywood
*That people could avoid being judgmental
*That I had more patience
*That fast food wasn't the only option for some people
*That parents didn't live vicariously through their children and then get upset when those children make different choices than their parents would have done
*That weekends were longer
*That children could keep their innocence
*That my apartment would clean itself
*That twenty-eight year olds couldn't die in motorcycle accidents
*That I got to play with the dogs for more than an hour a day
*That I could develop and print my own photos
*That digital wasn't overtaking the world of photography
*That people could operate the printer and the copier without my intervention
*That I could easily tackle fear
*For more time
*For more time with my parents
*For more time with my friends
*For more time with WG
*For more time for myself
*For answers
*For sunshine
*For rain
*For snow
*For smoother paths for some of my friends
*For an easier aging process
*For more time to appreciate being young
*For more understanding
*To play the piano
*To play the guitar andaccompany myself in song
*To get my stories published
*To increase my photography skills so that I can actually do something with this passion of mine
*To read more
*To procrastinate less
*To enjoy more
*To laugh more
*To dance more
*To visit places I've never seen
*To become an expert in something
*To not take everything quite so seriously
*To love without ceasing

Still, we cherish the city, the morning; we hope, more than anything, for more.
~ Michael Cunningham~

I Give In Change My Mind

Billy Joel said it best

Oh--she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh--and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind

I'm changing my mind. I've been wrestling with myself, the Internet and a whole host of decisions. I've thought I need to leave libraries. I've thought that what I need is a regular, run of the mill 8-5 that gets the bills paid and leaves me time for family, friends and Wii.

Essentially, this thought occurred to me, "Why am I doing this to myself?" Meaning, of course, why am I putting myself through a "from scratch" job search, when I have already chosen a perfectly reasonable career. I certainly still want a change of scenery, but if my desire for a new job rests a great deal on my desire to not work on weekends, then this requires some serious examination.

Teachers may not be in school on weekends, but they are working.
Jouralism? Uhm, hi, it's basically a 24/7 kidn of job.

And seeing as how those were my top two other choices, it seems wisest to stick with being a librarian (and a halfway decent one at that).

It's not a perfect job, but I enjoy creating a display board that asks library customers to write on the board the names of women who inspire them (and when I see that our security guard wrote down his two year old daughter's name, I enjoy my job even more). I like advising people on what to read. I absolutely love going into the teen parent program and doing a lapsit storytime for the kids and an age-appropriate program for the moms. I get to read books before anyone else does! And review those books! If you google my whole name, my reviews come up on Amazon! How awesome!

And, to be fair, I use my weird schedule to my advantage. I see friends out of town. I make appointments. I workout. I take photographs.

So, I've changed my mind about searching for a brand spanking new career. I'll remain the modern cliché of a librarian, the librarian who has cute glasses, short skirts and writes novels on the side :Þ.

Besides, in what other profession could I hear this:

"So, are you by the book at work but naughty when you go home?"

Real World Wednesday

Women's History Month

Last year, bloggers all across the land wrote about the women who have inspired them.

My list included
1) Mary (i.e., the Mother of God...yeah, hard veil to wear, right?)
2)Several of my best friends
3)Librarians whose paths I wouldn't mind following
4)My great-grandmother
5)Mama

This year, in the spirit of Real World Wednesday, I'll use each Wednesday in March to talk about women in the news who have done inspirational things.

Let's start with the Starbucks Barista who's giving away her kidney.

Sandie Andersen, who works at Starbucks simply for the benefits, and, clearly, the relationships she's built with customers over the past four years, went for a match test when she found out that one of her favorite regular customers, Annamarie Ausnes, had polycystic kidney disease and would need a transplant.

Sandie and Annamarie match.

So, Sandie is giving Annamarie her left kidney on March 11.

Perhaps we would all consider making a huge sacrifice for a best friend or a sibling or parent, but would we have major surgery to save the life of a customer? Sandie and Annamarie talk each day, but they don't see each other outside of work (well, after March 11, I'm sure that will change).

I'm not rushing out to give away a kidney to a customer, but this does make me think about the attitude I might have when I'm on my sixth hour of dealing with the public.

I may not give away a part of my body, but I can certainly smile, right?

This week, think about Sandie. Think about the sacrifice she's willing to make just to help out a fellow human being...one, single, human being.

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.

Emily Dickinson

We're Gonna Keep On, Keep On, Keep On, Movin'

Yes, that is a Brady Bunch song up there in this blog's title. What, like you don't sing along whenever you here, "Here's the story...of a man named Brady..."

So, I have run a 5k. I have other goals that I wanted to meet this year, and now that I've completed a big one, I DO feel more prepared to conquer the world...or at least my own inate fear and laziness.

Up next? Oh, my dears, that is to get my collection of short stories edited and in a format suitable for sending to agents and publishers. Then, I need to send out a bunch of query letters to said agents and publishers.

And beyond that? Well, remember those photos I sent off in the summer to a card company? They sent them back with a polite "no," but I used that as motivation to speak with a co-worker who used to be kind a buyer with that same card company, and she gave me some great ideas. I've already put one of those ideas into action, and my photo stationary cards are actually for sale in a little local stamping store owned by yet another co-worker's sister. Hey, use those connections if you've got them.

Ahh, it's good to feel a bit in charge of my own destiny!

And...hey...look...I'm somebody.

36 Minutes

Whoooooo

There were gale force winds...uphill

Okay, not gale force winds, but there were major winds, and we all started running just a tad uphill.

Just after the first quarter mile, the course turned, and we were running with the wind.

But it wasn't until Baby Bash's Cyclone came on my 5K mix that I picked up the pace. Michael Cera and Ellen Page's Anyone Else But You perked me up even further, and by the time Rihanna's Umbrella came on, I was truly in my stride.

I passed a mile "2" marker and didn't know if I had just started mile 2 or finished mile 2. Apparently, I had finished, because the next turn revealed the last stretch of the course.

My body yelled at me. I had a pinch in my side. The only thing I wanted to do was sit down on the sidewalk. Or even better, get in a car, drive home and go to sleep.

But I didn't. I dug in for that last bit of energy, tucked my head into the wind, and to the tune of Yolanda Adams' Victory, I ran in to the finish line, passing WG's smiling face on the sideline.

A 5k in 36 minutes.

My best time yet.

Mission accomplished.

What's next?