What I Really Want to Talk About....

and what I will talk about are two totally different things.

I want to tell you the seventeen songs on my playlist for Sunday's run. Seventeen glorious songs that will carry me straight through the race! Yay!

But, instead.

I spoke to one of my best friends from high school on the phone yesterday. The conversation was going along just fine until we got on the topic of religion. Lately, it's been harder and harder to talk about my beliefs with my Catholic friends, because they cannot phathom ever going to a non-Catholic church.

My parents and my friends of different denominations (and those who claim no one faith or claim a faith but don't actively practice it) have been immensely supportive as I've entered a different path on my spiritual journey.

But the Catholics. Well, I suppose if they accept what I'm saying, then their own worlds would come tumbling down. If my friend last night accepted that there is a path to Grace that does not involve Catholicism, his life would have no meaning. He has spent his life coming to understand the Catholic Church, in his own way, and if he admitted that there may be those who don't need the Catholic Church, well, I believe he would need to be heavily medicated in order to continue to function in the world.

I think my favorite part of the conversation was when he, breathlessly, asked me if I was considering getting baptised in another Christian faith. Uhm, no. First of all, just, no. And second of all, I'm pretty sure they don't require a RE-Baptism. The Baptism my parents organized in February of 1981 is working out pretty well for me, thanks.

My mom, on the other hand, in response to my own statement that I certainly don't remember ever hearing that those who aren't Catholic are saved only by the fact that the Catholic Church exists in the world, had this to say:

"I vaguely remember that line in my religious education, but as I didn't believe it, I just ignored it - and as your father feels the same, we certainly never passed that haughty belief onto you!!"

While I mourn what may be the passing of that friendship (I'm not sure he'll be able to stay in the same room seeing as how I not only date a non-Catholic but also <> hope to marry that non-Catholic someday), I celebrate the freedom I have to practice my own faith. I celebrate the fact that my parents encouraged me to question the world around me. I celebrate the fact that I have any faith at all.

My Parachute Has at Least 1,000 Colors

Unless you've not been reading this blog very long, you know two things about my relationship with...my job.

1) I am not entirely thrilled with it.
2) I am not entirely thrilled with the fact that I got a graduate degree in order to do it and then ended up less than thrilled with it.

Over the past several months, I have tried my darndest to reconcile myself to this job, but there are a multitude of things inhibiting my complete acceptance of my job, and not all of them have to do with the job itself.

I work where I grew up, in a town I've been trying to leave since high school. I've left it in fits and starts over the years, but as I told my parents today, "I love you, but I hope that soon I get to come back to VISIT."

I work in an environment that makes me feel emotionally stunted and immensely frustrated.

I have pushed aside what I really want to do (write) for fear of failure.

In the past couple of weeks, I've caught myself being impatient and sometimes downright rude, at least by my standards, with customers. And, folks, I know it's not their fault. I recognize this as a pattern in myself. When I'm ready to move on, when it's time to move on, my work starts to get sloppy. In this case, it's my customer service skills that start to fall to the wayside. I've even said "No" to a few people, and that is not something a librarian is EVER supposed to say.

It should be, "Oh, I can't do that, but I can do...," but I've found that simple "No" saves a great deal of time and effort on my part.

There are things I love about my job, as I know I would find things to love and things to dislike in any job, but I'd love to somehow built what I love into another avenue.

I'm considering pursuing the following:
1) A job in a public library not in California
2) A transition to academic libraries
3) A more taxing transition to publishing
4) A less taxing but less likely transition to journalism (hey, I have half a masters in journalism!)
5) A complete switch to a graduate program in English and/or Creative Writing

After finally accepting the fact that teaching even one class leaves me both physically and emotionally exhausted, I've let go of the idea of pursuing a teaching credential.

I've also let go of any other kind of social service job. Oooh, social worker! Oh, my, I could totally be a literacy program assistant! Oh, now wait, what about school counselor! Believe me, my mind has wandered to just about every career it can in the last little while, but I'm being careful not to jump wholeheartedly into something completely brand new. I now want a career that I already know about, in which I'm already a bit experienced.

But it will be hard to let go of moments like this:

I was working at the front welcome desk. A mother and her five year old daughter came in the back entrance, the mom sheepishly carrying a happy meal and asking whether or not they could leave it somewhere. I told her she was welcome to bring it in, and she smiled gratefully. A few minutes later, the mother had gone out to the car to get her library card, and the little girl, dressed in a pink t-shirt, denim skirt with red belt and brown cowgirl boots, squeezed herself in between a pillar and the desk where I sat. She immediately started a conversation about whether or not I liked my job. We talked about that, and, yes, with a five year old, I had the presence of mind to say I liked my job. I asked her if she'd been to feed the ducks, and she launched into this story:

"When I was a little girl, we came to the library to feed the ducks. I was SOOOOO scared of them. They ARE BIG. And so, my mom and me had to run away like this (proceeds to mime running really, really fast, in a way only a five year old can), and then we got away, and it was okay again."

"Wow," I said. And then, "I like your boots."

Real World Wednesday

What The He-double hockey sticks?

A round up of the trouble currently surfacing in the world. And, mind you, known of this was listed in the "bizarro news from around the world." This is regular news.

1) Pollution has turned a river in China red and bubbly. It seems that we have entered a stage of degredation that choosing cloth over paper or plastic may not be able to fix. What can we do? This sounds like something the Peace Corps would have a hand in fixing. So, support the Peace Corps.

2) The Mayor of a town in Oregon was stripped of her title after she stripped to her skivvies for a My Space photo spread. Seriously, has no one learned anything from the political scandals of the past? There are several things you just shouldn't do if you're in office, running for office or at all concerned about your self-image. One such thing not to do is take your clothes off and post the pictures on My Space. Let's all remember that, okay?

3) More school shootings. What's going on in the world? Why are all of these college students going on shooting sprees? I don't expect anyone to explain this to me. I just want more of us out there aware of what's going on and, at the very least, praying that it stops.

4) An Ohio police officer was convicted of killing his pregnant girlfriend and the unborn baby. He got life with the option of parole after 57 years in prison.

5) A school district in Georgia will begin separating boys and girls in class. This is mean to curb teen pregnancy. Because, clearly, if they don't meet in the classroom, they won't ever think to meet elsewhere. There are pros and cons for co-ed and single sex classrooms, but preventing teen pregnancy doesn't seem like an obvious pro for single sex classrooms.

That's a Real World Wednesday round-up of what is actually happening in the world around us.

I May Have to Take Up Yoga

My 5k is on Sunday. I have five days to finish training for this. I know, I know. It's hardly a three mile run. I've been increasing my running since November and "officially" training since January. So, I should feel ready.

I am so glad that I set this goal for myself, but since November, I have had more trouble with my body than ever before.

The following have all happened to me since November:
1) Threw my back out lifting WG's Christmas present (a small wine fridge).
2) Got sick enough to call out sick for the first time in a year and a half.
3) Had a blister the size of a quarter in the arch of my foot.
4) Months of tired, achy, cracking knees
5) Ever-expanding thighs as my muscles get stronger (not a necessarily a huge problem, but I prefer my body long and lean)
6) Am quite convinced that I pulled my hamstring and am somewhat hobbled as a result (am currently listening to a British book on CD, hence the new choice of grammar)

So, in addition to feeling powerful, strong and proud of what my body can do I also feel old in a way that no exercise has ever made me feel old before.

Folks, I'm ready to run, but we needn't worry about me taking up marathon running next!

Introducing...

smtwngrl.

As part of The Great Interview Experiment, I signed up to interview this fascinating individual. I learned a lot, and now you can, too!

1) I haven't happened upon your blog in the past, so let's start from the beginning. Why do you blog? What got you started? What part of your life are you trying to share?

I started reading blogs a few years ago and I was really inspired by a few of the women I was reading at the time. As a writer, I wanted to practice my craft, and I hoped that a few people out there might find something I had to say interesting. I tried a few different sites, but didn't really get into it until I started my blog at http://weightofmyworld.spaces.live.com. At that point, I was trying to lose some weight and thought if nothing else the blog might make me a little more accountable. It turned out that once I got started I didn't really want to stop. And I had a lot more to talk about than weight loss, although that did seem to be my main topic. I eventually switched over to Blogger and when that happened, for some reason my focus changed. I started broadening my topics and began touching on other areas of my life more than my weight loss issues. I think in general, I'm just trying to share my perspective with others, whether that be my struggle with weight issues, my political opinions, my book choices, or the random thoughts I had last Tuesday.

2) You mentioned in a recent blog that being a feminist has become a bad thing lately...that people put such a negative conotation on the word. What women have inspired you to boldly proclaim yourself a feminist?

My mom used to play I Am Woman by Helen Reddy when I was a kid and I distinctly remember sitting in the back seat of our station wagon singing it at the top of my lungs, so maybe it's just been a part of who I am for so long that I didn't even know it was there or that it had been inspired in me. I honestly think that it only recently occurred to me that my beliefs and values placed me in the feminist camp. Feminism, in my opinion, isn't talked about as a movement nearly as much as it once was and I think that makes it difficult for some people to understand and/or identify with it. I guess I wanted to start talking about it again to try and reduce the stigma of the term and, personally, to claim it as part of who I am so that I can begin to live it more.

3) You've written about a great deal from home ownership to exercise to diet and politics. How have you developed your thoughts on so many topics? Is it all personal experience; do you educate yourself on certain topics? In other words, what inspires your blog?

A lot of what I write about has to do with my personal experience. I'm a bit of a nerd, though, and I tend to research any topic that interests me in the least bit. Initially my inspiration came from my struggle with my weight (particularly at my first blog). Once I got more comfortable with blogging, I was able to open up a bit more about other areas of my life. I've tried to focus my blog on one or two topics, but ultimately I end up writing about whatever is happening in my life at the moment, whether that's decorating my house or losing the 15 pounds I gained after buying it.

4) Considering that my own blog is (perhaps overly) filled with postings about my various romantic entaglements, I am, of course, curious about the love lives of other, but I notice that, with the exception of some mentions of "My Love," your romantic life is curiously absent from your posts. What are your reasons for not disclosing this type of information?

That's a really good question and I ask myself that sometimes. I think it started out that the focus of my blog was my weight loss struggles so my relationship didn't really come up much. Now I think I avoid talking about the relationship because I don't want to get into the habit of airing out my dirty laundry, so to speak. I know myself, and I'm pretty sure I'd start posting about the things he's done to make me mad (and not so much the good stuff). Usually, once I've gotten the emotions out, I let things go. I think it's better for our relationship if I "get it all out" by communicating with him rather than venting online. Plus, he's a pretty private person, so I don't know how he'd feel about me telling the blogosphere about all of our ups and downs.

5) Writing seems to be your natural place in the world -- the area where you have the most talent and are most comfortable -- when did you decide you wanted to pursue writing as profession, and how did you get started?

I've always loved books, and I always liked to write. As a kid, I wrote letters all the time, some super short stories, and some terrible poems. I'm pretty sure that even then I knew I wanted to write the kind of stories that I was reading. There was a long period of time when I didn't do much in the way of creative writing. It didn't seem like a feasible option for me for a number of reasons that I won't get into. Still, I always liked writing--give me a 20 page paper over an exam any day. I took one writing class in college, and I think that's when I started to wonder about writing as a profession. I didn't really get serious about it for another five years or so. But once I did, I realized what I'd been missing and I've been pursuing it ever since.

6) You write for a couple of blogs, are a contributing writer, cover topics from going green and healthy living to buying a home -- you cover it all -- what's your favorite thing to write about? What are your ultimate goals as a writer?

I like to write about topics that can help other people, particularly health and fitness topics because they're of personal interest to me. In general, though, I like to learn about things and then teach people what I know through my writing. I also love to tell people's stories. If all of my writing dreams could come true, I'd like to be able to make a good living as a freelance writer and become a regular contributer for a major health/fitness magazine; write and publish a few non-fiction books, including a memoir or collection of personal essays; and write and publish several novels. If you're going to dream, dream big, right?

7) You own your very own home! What's your favorite part of home ownership? Would you do anything differently in your home search process if you had it to do again? What?

There are two things that I love most about owning my own home: the confidence it's given me to know that I'm capable of doing such an adult thing all by myself; and the ability to decorate it exactly the way I want it (even if I don't always have the money to do it right away). I know if there's anything in particular that I'd do differently, but knowing what I know now about how the market turned around, I probably would have waited another year for prices to drop and saved more money for the down payment.

8) What dream do you have for yourself that you have yet to meet...or even pursue at all?

Number one on my long list would be to get married and start a family. If you ask My Love, that will be happening "soon" but his soon doesn't seem to be quite on the same time scale as mine is. There are the writing dreams I mentioned above. I also have a lot of travel dreams--I want to see places like Australia, the Grand Canyon, Hawaii, Paris, the list goes on and on.

9) Who do you want to be when you grow up? By that I mean, pick a person, living or dead, whose life you wouldn't mind emulating just a little bit. You needn't pick someone famous.

This is a really tough one. I try not to compare my life to others because I know that what I see is not always the whole truth; in fact, it rarely is. That said, I'd like to grow up to become someone noble and compassionate like Mother Theresa, someone passionate and courageous like Martin Luther King, Jr., someone loving and nurturing like my mom, and someone wealthy but extremely generous like Oprah or Bill and Melinda Gates. I know that's not one person, but I tend to set high standards for myself.

10) So, I wandered over to your "Weight of my World" blog, and I noticed a post where you mentioned your love for the show Heroes (you love it so much you turned it on during your TV turn-off week). In all honesty, how bummed were you that the season ended so early this year? Are you missing your show at all, or have you gone on to find so many other things with your time?

I was bummed out initially when Heroes ended so quickly, but I try not to watch too much TV during the week any way. And Lost just started, so that gives me something to look forward to each week. I'll be happy when next season rolls around, though.

11) There have to be writers who inspire you. So, they are going to come over to your house for a dinner party. Who are they, and what are you going to serve them?

Definitely Anne Lamott, Jodi Picoult and Jennifer Weiner, along with Judy Blume, Madeleine L'Engle and maybe Stephen King. I'd probably serve something Italian, like lasagna or spaghetti with meatballs and sausage, with a big salad for a side and cheesecake for desert. Simple but tasty, nothing too involved, so that we can spend most of our time talking.

12) And, last but not least, what is your greatest fear, and how do you plan to overcome it?

This is probably going to sound crazy, but I think my greatest fear is getting exactly what I've been dreaming of and wishing for. I'm a perfectionist, so the thought of finally selling one book and being expected to write another that meets some standard I've set sometimes scares the crap out of me. I wonder if I'll really make a good mother, and the daunting task of raising children that turn out to be good people seems REALLY difficult and frightening. Creating a marriage that is healthy and happy is a lot of work and I don't know if I'll be any good at it so that makes me fear getting into one in the first place. Traveling to new places tends to make me really anxious. All the things I dream of are things I fear getting in some way, so the only way to overcome it is to push past each fearful thought and continue to pursue my dreams anyway, one day at a time, one challenge at a time, until they all come true and I realize there was nothing to be afraid of.

Rolling Around in My Head and Touching My Heart

Tomorrow, I've got something new and exciting for you all in the way of an interview as part of The Great Interview Experiment, but today, oh today, you get music.

There are some good songs rolling around in my sometimes addled but mostly happy brain...and they go a little something like this.

1) Fairytale by Sara Bareilles
I don't care
I don't care
Worry bout the maiden though you know
She's only waiting spent the whole life being graded on the sanctity of patience and a dumb Appreciation
But the story needs some mending and a better happy ending
Cause I don't want the next best thing
No no I don't want the next best thing

2) God Only Knows by the Beach Boys
I may not always love you
But long as there are stars above you
You never need to doubt it
Ill make you so sure about it

God only knows what I'd be without you

If you should ever leave me
Though life would still go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me

God only knows what I'd be without you

3) Clumsy by Fergie
First time
That I saw your eyes
Boy you looked right through me, mmmhmm
Played it cool
But I knew you knew
That cupid hit me, mmm mmm

You got me tripping, stumbling, flipping, fumbling
Clumsy cause I'm falling in love
You got me slipping, tumbling, sinking, fumbling
Clumsy cause I'm falling in love
So in love with you

4) Paraylzer by Finger Eleven
I hold on so nervously
To me and my drink
I wish it was cooling me
But so far, has not been good
It’s been shitty
And I feel awkward, as I should
This club has got to be
The most pretentious thing
Since I thought you and me
Well I am imagining
A dark lit place
Or your place or my place

Well I’m not paralyzed
But, I seem to be struck by you
I want to make you move
Because you’re standing still
If your body matches
What your eyes can do
You’ll probably move right through
Me on my way to you

5) The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson
If you were falling, then I would catch you.
You need a light, I'd find a match.

Cuz I love the way you say good morning.
And you take me the way I am.

If you are chilly, here take my sweater.
Your head is aching, I'll make it better.

Cuz I love the way you call me baby.
And you take me the way I am.

I'd buy you Rogaine if you start losing all your hair.
Sew on patches to all you tear.

Cuz I love you more than I could ever promise.
And you take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.

Real World Wednesday

In Defense of Motherhood

Women can do and be anything.

We can be astronauts or not.

We can be doctors or lawyers or not.

We can teach, sing, dance, run for president, run a major corporation, run a marathon.

Women can also do one major thing that men cannot (and will not ever) do.

Women can be mothers.

I've heard the complaints about how it's Hollywood causing the "mom" craze. It's words like "MILF" and it's products like Prada knock-off diaper bags that let some women take up motherhood like a new hobby with all the accessories. The fact remains, though, that it is natural for a woman to want to have children (though if you don't want children, that doesn't make you somehow unnatural!). There is nothing Hollywood can say that will take away me wanting children.

I have wanted to be a mother since I realized it was something I could do.

Yes, my parents handed me dolls. But they didn't tell me to sit five of them down and discipline them.

Countless times over the years, I have heard that I am too young. Well, folks. I'm 27. I've graduated college. I've gotten a graduate degree. I've paid off my student loans. I am capable of holding down a job. I have medical benefits.

What else do I need to do to make other people stop saying I'm too young (not that it matters, as motherhood, for me, involves marriage, and that's a ways down the road).

No one says to my medical school friend, "Oh, J, you really should quit school and see the world before you become a doctor. You're much too young to be tied down."

Hollywood isn't telling me to be a mother. If anything, Hollywood is telling people not to commit to anything and to run around for ten years before "settling down" at 30 or 40 or 57. We've become a very selfish society. How dare you become a mother at 22! Or 25! Or, lately, gasp, 30! or at all!

What I want is for people to see their dreams come true. If your dreams include seeing your children graduate high school before you turn 60, well, what's wrong with that?

If a woman tells me she doesn't want to have children, I applaud her for making that statement out loud and for holding true to it. I have several friends who will not have children. Good. If you don't want children, don't have them. I don't run around trying to convince those who don't want children that they'd better hurry up and get pregnant, so why do those who don't want children keep trying to get me to jump on their boat?

"Why do you want children? Oh, they're so much trouble."

"What are you going to do with children?!"

"Oh, you're so young. Wait a few years before you start worrying about having children."

I beg of all of you, women and men alike, respect the decisions women make, whether it be to become a mother or to simply enjoy life as an "auntie."

Why do I want children?

Because I do. Because I do believe that my finest career will be as a mother. Because I believe that I will make an excellent mother. Because I want to have children while I am young and energetic.

Because I know that I am meant to be a mother. What's wrong with that?

Three Revelations

1) I love my job when I am not required to work with the general public. It's the not knowing just who will sit down in front of me and what exactly they will ask me that drives me a bit batty. Visiting schools? Count me in. Book club? You got it. So, now I need to find a library job that allows me to keep doing the stuff I love but lets me have less of the unknown entities and more of my weekends.

2) Marriage is not a solution to an uncomfortable home life. A third person in my middle school cohort group has just gotten engaged, and, like with a few before her, it's an escape from awkwardness. It's an answer to her guy not being welcome in his parents' home because of shacking up with her. I'm hopeful that, despite the negative circumstances surrounding the wedding, she'll still have a happy marriage.

3) WG comes alive when he's around other people. He craves social interaction, and, poor guy, we've been lacking that a bit lately. We had the chance to go out hiking with one of my co-workers on our mutual day off yesterday (hurray for President's Day!), and he was just...on...the whole day. I really must keep in mind that he truly needs a healthy balance between downtime at home and out and about (but still relaxed) time. It is amazing to me that I get to keep learning more and more about him as time goes on. As he told me after one conversation during which I got angry because he told me something I hadn't known before, "If I'm lucky, we'll be 80 and still not have run out of things to share."

Love is in the Air

There must have been something in the water yesterday, as three of us at work received Valentine's surprises from boyfriends who don't usually do that sort of thing, but that made for some happy women...and that's never a bad thing.

But what I really want to do is copy Brandy's idea and talk about things in the world that I love.

So, here goes.

Happiness is...

Overjoyed kisses from my dog. The soft underbelly of a puppy. My boyfriend's smile when he realizes I am happy. A hug from my mom after a long, hard day. My dad crying when he realizes how much he is loved. Getting up early to take pictures of morning light as it crosses the agricultural fields I sometimes forget exist. Flowers on my desk. An e-mail from my best friend thanking me for being such a good friend. Birthday parties planned at lightning speed. Being successful at making comfort food (tacos! brie pasta! whoo hoo!). Taking a picture and just knowing that I got the shot right. A sane library customer honestly thanking me for my help. Waving at my favorite elderly customer as she returns after surgery. Learning that friend and her husband are "trying." A bed with a fully functional electric blanket. Accomplishing the sometimes daunting goal of getting out the house early so I can stop by Jamba Juice. Unexpectedly getting to see someone I love during the course of a day. Perusing through old journals and smiling at my immaturity. Realizing that in a few years, when I look back at the journal I'm keeping today, I might have that same smile on my face. Hearing the words, "when we have our own house" and knowing that he means them. The perfect snack in my mom's pantry right when I need it. Looking back on old photographs and realizing that my style has changed but my errors remain the same...there is comfort in consistency. Staying in bed with a book and a purring cat. Waking up expecting to leave the house soon and then deciding to stay tucked in and cuddled up for an extra while instead. Finding just the right song at just the right moment on my ipod. Reading a blog that touches on just what I've been feeling. Short lasting spring weather in the middle of February that makes me simultaneously long for summer and miss winter. Running without stopping. Watching a French movie and feeling transported back to my family's house in Vichy. Hearing a line in a movie and just knowing that it's one that fits my life. And last but not least, being held as I fall asleep.

Real World Wednesday

Political Infighting

As it is hard to avoid (and because I have an interest in it...not to worry, Brandy, I am an American who does care about the politics of her nation), I have been following the presidential campaign quite closely.

Well, maybe, closely is a bit of an overstatement, but I've been talking about the campaigns at work, reading up on the Internet and watching the news when I'm at my parents house (where there is a glorious assortment of cable news channels).

Having watched a number of political campaigns quite closely, I can say that the infighting only makes people look like tenth graders duking it out over who gets to be treasurer. And by the number of political campaigns I've watched closely, I mean that I clearly remember student council and sorority elections. I remember the name calling. I remember the snotty attitudes. I remember the expensive fliers posted around campus. I remember phrases from people's speeches that directly referred to the speeches of the other candidates.

Oooh, fighting dirty in high school.

And fighting dirty in presidential campaigns.

McCain kindly says that he doesn't want to undermine Huckabee's campaign by tagging him for VP and then goes on to say that a cross-nation ticket doesn't seem relevant anymore.

Don't EVEN get me started on Clinton and Obama throwing words back and forth. Clinton just needs to keep her mouth shut before she insults the Irish as well as the African Americans. St. Patrick's Day is coming up, after all. And Obama, well, he needs to stop saying things about showing Republicans what for. He may well take the office from any Republican candidate, but he won't have many friends if he keeps bad mouthing the people who are willing to cross party lines to vote for him.

So, hear this from a young voter who really cares about what happens in the next four to eight years: You going after each other tenth graders known as Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, tell the voters why you are good for the job, not why the other guy isn't. And keep your mouths closed about things that have little or nothing to do with your candidacy!

Toshing Around

2:30 p.m.
My co-worker calls to me as I breeze past, on the way out the door to meet my mom: Hey, Sarah, do you know anyone who wants a dog?

Me: No...we've got two older dogs, and I don't think they're looking for any new friends.





Co-worker: My son has two puppies he's trying to give away; they're half Burmese Mountain Dog, half German Shepherd.

Me: Ah, well...

Co-worker: I'll post a sign, I guess.

Off I go to coffee with my mom.

2:40

Me: Oh, so my co-worker is trying to give away puppies, but I told her we couldn't take one.

Mama: You should ask Daddy, he might be interested.

Me: blank stare.

2:45

We meet my dad in the parking lot at his office to drop off a cinnamon dolce latte.

Me: So....I have a question for you.

Daddy: Uh-oh.

Me: Well, someone at work (who my dad actually knows, too) has two dogs she's trying to give away.

I go on to describe the dogs and the somewhat sad circumstance that they're in at the moment. I expect my dad to immediately decline, as he's declined any mention of adding another pet to the family FOR THE PAST TWELVE YEARS.

Daddy: Let me think about it. I need to look up stuff on the Burmese, because I'm not familiar with that breed, and they might be too big.

Me: When will you know?

Daddy: Before the weekend.

Well, seeing as how the weekend would be coming up in, oh, about two hours, I knew my dad was hooked.

Me: Will you want to see the dogs first?

Daddy: Of course.

Me: Well, let me know.

4:05

I text my dad to let him know that I'll be away from the computer, and he'll have to call or text me with his decision.

4:07

Text from my dad: Ok.

4:10

Text from me: Ok, you want to see the puppy?

4:15

Text from my dad: Yes, please.

By 4:30, I had talked to my co-worker and had a phone conversation with her son, the officiall owner of the puppies.

At 5:05, I called to fill my parents in the puppy details and give them the owner's phone number.

By 7:30, after I'd finished dinner with my regular group of librarians, I had three pictures of my dad and our two older dogs playing with the puppy on my cell phone. So, of course, I had to go play with a warm, fuzzy, squiggly, awesome little dog who can't quite stand on his legs (he's like a newborn colt), who also won't stay little for long!

And the big bruisin' puppy had been named Peter Tosh.

We'll call him Tosh.



Tosh has made good friends with Bailey, the German Shepherd, and follows him everywhere. Apparently this morning, Bailey has been following Tosh all around the yard, making sure he doesn't fall in the pond and otherwise showing him the ropes.



(look at his cute little baboon butt!)

Last night, JJ, our Beagle/Pit Bull mix, barely tolerated Tosh's presence, but she took out on Bailey, growling at him whenever he came by, instead of on Tosh. By the end of the night, she could handle him sleeping near her.



I have a feeling that this big boy will get away with a lot...I mean, look at that face:



All told, Bailey (the German Shepherd) is thrilled to be a "dad" and have someone to mentor. And my dad's face is simply glowing as he both watches his Shepherd come out of the funk he's been in over the last several weeks and gets to enjoy a brand new ball of fur.



And after just a few hours on a random Friday, Tosh found a home.

Waiting and Wanting

"It's such a beautiful day outside. I called my husband to see if he wanted to meet for lunch, and he said that he couldn't," my co-worker frowned as she shared this tidbit of information with me yesterday morning.

She has been married to her husband for a good twenty years, and they're successfully raising two great kids. They both have busy, demanding jobs. And they are still very much in love.

My parents, married thirty years in March, are the same way. Demanding schedules, family issues, financial struggles, health troubles - they've been through it all. But my mom is still slightly jealous of the fact that World of Warcraft is getting a lot of the attention she would like from my dad.

There are some men, like Paul Rudd's character in Knocked Up, who eventually figures this out...of course, he's high on mushrooms at the time, so not exactly a role model.

Pete: Do you ever wonder how somebody could even like you? The biggest problem in our marriage is that she wants me around. And I can't even accept that? I don't think I can accept pure love.

Fiction, non-fiction, co-workers, friends, parents. I've had the opportunity to observe a lot of relationships, and I have finally come to the conclusion, that no matter how long I am married, there will still be moments when I feel that I don't get enough of my husband.

Though it scares me a bit to know this won't be a feeling that goes away, I also take comfort in the fact that I am far from being the only woman who ever wished she got to see more of her man.

Run, Forrest Sarah, Run

So, I did it.

I registered for my 5k. It's on March 2.

Much to one friend's disappointment it is neither in San Francisco nor in support of any really fabulous charity.

But it does start at 9 a.m., thus eliminating the need to register at 6:30 in the morning.

It is on a Sunday, so I am able to do it despite having to work the Saturday just before.

It is before May, so I don't have to delay the run.

It will raise funds for scholarships for high school students. Librarian running for college scholarships. That sounds just about right.

I need to do this. I've been training since November with real attention to the details of training since January. This morning, I even ran outside. Go me!

So, here's to a 5K and beyond!

Real World Wednesday

Living Simply

Today is Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent. As I have mentioned in the past, this time of the year gives me an opportunity not only to reflect on my progress towards my new year's resolutions but also offers the chance to do something new.

I have the motivation of doing something for Christ. Jesus spent 40 days in the desert. Jesus died on the cross for my sins.

Luckily, whether or not you share my same faith, you might consider these next forty days to revamp your own life.

I've started out by watching The End of Suburbia. After spending a weekend in eco-friendly Eugene (honestly, that is the most self-sufficient place I've ever encountered) with a vegetarian and a might-as-well-be vegetarian (though his reading of Michael Pollan's book has him wanting to go out and hunt his own meat), I'm thinking more seriously about the changes I can make in my own life.

I surprised the cashier at Trader Joe's by having my own bag for the dinner I picked up for WG and me before our photography class (did I mention the photography class? I will later, I promise).

I surprised myself by thinking up a little goal for myself: buy less. drive less.

What would Jesus do?

Well, Jesus was among the first of those who truly live simply. I believe that if He could do this, I can certainly see what it takes to scale back my clothing purchases, seriously consider if I really do need that Wii game before I buy it.

And contrary to the appeal of many magazine articles that urge me to go green, I will not throw out my current products. I will, though, consider more "green" cleaning products when I run out of the ones I have (how green is it to toss out nearly full containers in order to purchase something else?). I won't buy cute grocery bags...and oh, that's as tempting as buying new workout gear whenever I recommit to a fitness regime. I have bags. Though the 99 cent bags at TJ's are cute with their Hawaiian prints, I don't need them.

So, in light of the Christian inspiration surrounding the next forty days in my life, I will not simply jump on board the "green," boat, but I will work to simply decrease my carbon footprint.

In forty days, I hope to have adapted to the goals of a simpler life and be able to resist the call of the mall.

What change can you make?

Three Days

Oh what a difference a day makes.

My two day trip to Arizona felt hurried, with no moment to just calm down and enjoy my surroundings.

But a three day weekend trip to Oregon. Oh, just the thing I needed.

Three days and (a narrowed down list of) three beautiful things.

1) Snowshoeing! My new favorite sport! The snow was powdery and soft. The air was crisp and clean. And I never fell down. Not even once. Okay, once...but that was on purpose.

2) Enjoying a new place and adding Eugene to my list of possible living destinations. It's green and cold and an hour from the snow. It's not a definite, but it's certainly a place I would consider.

3) A peaceful drive there and back, through snow and dark and some beautiful weather, as well. I've also now officially driven WG's car. There was no way I was going to let him drive 10 hours all by his lonesome! Still, after a hectic trip involving airports a week ago, I was more than happy to hop in a car and go on a little roadtrip.

4) okay...one more...being served by the bassist for the Cherry Popping Daddies. Seriously, those dudes don't make enough money. Still and all, it was kind of a treat to get my Philly Cheese Steak from a bass guitarist holding a baby (I don't think the baby had anything to do with him being a musician...).

The Only Sane Person in the Room

After spending a weekend with my relatives, I realized something about WG. He doesn't do well with crazy people. His relatives have their ups and downs, but his close relatives, at least, aren't openly passive aggressive or openly...uhm...nuts.

Now, to clarify, I'm not talking about my grandfather who has dementia. WG knows about that all too well, as his beloved grandmother suffered from the same thing before she died about five years ago.

No, I'm talking about the perfectly healthy people who have the potential to be sane. But aren't.

Having grown up surrounded by these types of people, I can easily sink back into the behavior of my home/family environment. I have trouble answering direct questions. I have speak in the language of those who dwell in the valley of the passive aggressive. I know how to manipulate the language to get my way.

Like I said in my earlier post, I think WG died a little each time he had to manipulate the minefield of passive aggression. He hates it when I slip into that behavior in the course of an argument ("Nothing's wrong. No, nothing. I'm fine. Why won't you fix what's wrong?"), but to experience an entire family that operates that way? Whoa. Too much.

So, I imagine he felt a bit like the only sane person in the room.

But then I got to thinking. I got to thinking about some of his super quirky friends, with their creative minds and their layered outfits with colorful scarves. I got to thinking about his family, and their complete normalcy. I related this to my struggle throughout my life to be "normal."

I think that when you grow up with a particular brand of crazy in your household (or, as is the case with me, in the homes of your extended family), you expend a great deal of energy trying to be normal, trying not to delve completely into the behavior of your family.

When you have a "normal" family (if such a thing really exists), you can simply allow your personality to develop, crazy or otherwise.

WG, his friends and some of his relatives, could develop differently than me (and many of my friends, because they weren't the only sane ones in the room.

Growing up in a saner family gives license to explore some of the quirkier elements of one's personality. When you're simply trying to stay afloat in denial (it ain't just a river in Egypt, folks) and passive aggression, there's no energy left over to learn how to sing like the folks on the Juno soundtrack. Instead, you simply survive.

I've survived, and for that I am grateful.

Maybe when I'm certain I can move beyond the insanities of my family, when I'm done with my Grace Kelly phase, I'll have the time to be that truly quirky girl I know I'm meant to be.