Friday Song Lyrics

First, Happy Birthday to one of my best friends in the entire world, even though she doesn't read this blog. She's known me since we were 13, claimed me as a friend since we were 14 and seen me through too many versions of me to count. She's been a tried and true friend, and I'm truly blessed to know her (she's even one of my inspirational women - she's the one in the first post). So, happy birthday, dahling, love you forever!

Okay, onto Friday Song Lyrics.

In honor of the special day, five songs from CDs she has given me ('cause we have our own little CD club, see...).

Many the Miles by Sara Bareilles

There's too many things that i haven't done yet
Too many sunsets
I haven't seen
You can't waste the day wishing it'd slow down
You would've thought by now
I'd have learned something

I made up my mind when i was a young girl
I've been given this one world
I won't worry it away
But now and again i lose sight of the good life
I get stuck in a low light
But then Love comes in

How far do i have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Many the miles
How far do i have to go to get to you
Many the miles
But send me the miles and i'll be happy to follow you Love

No Matter What by Boyzone

No matter what they tell us
No matter what they do
No matter what they teach us
What we believe is true

No matter what they call us
However they attack
No matter where they take us
We'll find our own way back

I can't deny what I believe
I can't be what I'm not

Suddenly I See by K.T. Tunstall

Her face is a map of the world
Is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you calm
She holds you captivated in her palm

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me

Lazy Day Afternoon by Plain White T's

Nothing's going on, but I don't care
Leave me here, don't take me anywhere
Why should I get up
When I've got nothing to do?
Just another lazy day afternoon
Beautiful day outside, but I don't care
Everything I need I got right here
Why should I go out?
Why should I even move?
Just another lazy day afternoon
Afternoon, when everybody's workin'
I'd rather be a jerk and lay around
Afternoon, this day is just too perfect
Just another lazy day afternoon

I Don't Wanna Be by Gavin DeGraw

I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me

My Mind is Mush

It's a marvel what emotional turmoil can do to my mind.

As is quite obvious from the last several Real World Wednesday entries, my mind isn't exactly on other people. I haven't processed the fact that Irene won't be as easily accessible after this week (this week!), because she's moving on to her big, bright future. I probably haven't even been entirely supportive as she struggles with changes, as I see myself answering some of her concerns with, "Well, in MY life, blah blah blah).

I've started to treat Real World Wednesdays like something to get through, like another task on my to do list, rather than the fairly neat idea that it is (if I do say so myself) -- I'm actually kind of excited about my post for next week...now if only I'll remember to take the time to do a little research before I start typing away.

I've also decided not to post too much more about my relationship. I debated about taking a full-scale blogging hiatus, but I realized it's the T talk that has to go.

The posts are truly beginning to involve someone other than me, as it's quite obvious that T is a real part of my life, and not just a passing anecdote about the single life. Plus, people I know in real life, and who know T in real life, read this blog, and I don't think it's fair to him to air our laundry, dirty or otherwise, for the world to see. I also think that not posting about it will help me not dwell on a single word in an argument or get lost in thought about an unknown future. I'll still deal with things in my way, still "write it out" (to, uhm, borrow Ari Gold's "hug it out" and name it as my own) in my journal, but it's time to let this aspect of my life "go" as a topic of conversation on this blog.

My job. I've been struggling with this a lot over the past several weeks, thinking about a change, investigating educational steps I would need to take, and though I still believe that I won't remain in this job for the entirity of my career, I also believe it's time to buck up and stop complaining. I went to school for this! I lucked into what amounts to a plum job in a fairly well-off library! What's wrong with the whining in this picture? A whole lot!

No, I don't have to treat all customers equal, guilty though I may feel about it. I don't have to engage the creepy, drooling guy into as detailed a conversation as the charming, older lady who likes us to recommend DVDs to her. And that little realization has taken over a year to reach!

I also don't have to try to convince every single teenager in the library that it would be so much more fun for them to come play Dance Dance Revolution than it would be for them to be on MySpace. I can also learn to say no when "offered" new opportunities (otherwise known as more work). I am truly blessed to have a decently paying job, with good benefits, many holidays off and many fulfilling moments throughout the week (not every day has those moments). While I don't feel like I went to Library School to show people how to use the printer, I did go so I could teach people, and I get to do that more often than I realize.

Writing. I love writing. I do feel that it's my calling (or one of them), but I always fight myself to sit down and do it. I'm 60-some-odd double-spaced pages into a collection of short stories that could very well turn into something. Now I just need to concentrate on sitting down and writing. I am determined to have a book published sometime in my lifetime, and after that, I'll set my goal higher. I've gotten close enough to taste it, and I haven't lost the desire. I've lost the wherewithall to carry characters out through a full-length book, but I'm willing to get to know them on a part-time basis. For now, that's enough.

Volunteering. It's been six months since my stint as a Cathecism teacher ended, and I haven't done any official volunteer work since then. I'm willing now to start looking for opportunities and considering becoming a regular volunteer again. I miss it.

Whew. I think that's enough for today, and, strangely, my mind feels much more solid now.

Real World Wednesday

Is it really Wednesday already?

After the hectic and emotional past several days, I'm tempted to turn this week's edition into a diatribe on stress and stress relief. I'm tempted to tell you that I just ordered a bunch of Yoga DVDs from the library and that I'm looking for new ways to occupy my time so that I am not quite so interlaced with and dependent on WG for entertainment. I know I'm capable of it, but I seem to have let a few things fall by the wayside in the past several months.

Okay, I guess I did get that out of my system.

Now onto the real Real World Wednesday topic of choice.

Stress Management

I looked online. I talked to people. I tried to come up with a meaningful topic to discuss, but, quite frankly, I'm lost in my own world this week.

So, let's talk stress management.

First, a statement that should put things in perspective: My great-grandparents lived through wars, the depression, sons being drafted and sent to war. They had reasons to worry, and maybe they did, but the also lived, laughed and loved, and though they worried, they didn't stress in the same way I do, in the same way others in my generation do.

Stress, in its present form, is new to the world.

"The causes of stress can include any event or occurrence that a person considers a threat to his or her coping strategies or resources."

Okay, what are the recent stresses in my life and the lives of my friends? Feeling a bit freaked out at having to deal with sketchy homeless people and other varieties of disconcerting customers. Feeling overwhelmed at having a very long "to do" list at work. Confusion and concern over where my relationship is heading - now, in the near future and over the long term. Worry at my mother's health. Feeling financial unease after my rent went up. Yeah, that about sums it up. Of course, there are the other existential worries about purpose in life and such. But do any of these things threaten my coping strategies? Maybe it's just too many things at once.

"It is possible, however, for humans to learn new responses to stress and, thus, change their experiences of it."

Though I'm stuck in my personal bubble at the moment, I am aware of the fact that there are other people out there with stress (genuine, war-torn country forms of stress, and the more garden variety kind like I experience, though I doubt anyone facing the terrors of a war-torn country is turning to my blog for advice...I'm not that self-centered).

Stress relief techniques:
iVillage's Stress Relief Center

MSNBC's Stress Test

Holistic Stress Relief Techniques

Stress Relief Techniques I intend to try:
*Rotating yoga into my workout routine. I've been doing pilates off and on for a few years, but I think I'm ready to at least try a yoga DVD.
*Talking to friends and family, but not over-talking every last detail.
*Learning how to successfully spend time alone, without longing for company.
*Truly letting go of some worries, instead of focusing on the future of my relationship, I can let it work itself out, can let somethings happen without my direct intervention.
*Be grateful that I didn't just give birth to a 17 pound baby.

Not Yet

The mere fact that his family seems to assume we'll be married at some point in the not too distant future spurred on a conversation between T and me. I call it the "state of the relationship" discussion. It didn't go as smoothly as I would have liked, but then, that would have required an agenda and a minute taker.

It did go well, and though I talked and cried for about two hours straight (finally and forever discrediting my statement that I simply "don't cry."), I feel good about the future of relationship.

As it stands, I am ready to get married to him and also not ready. He is not ready to be married to me but heading towards being ready.

He feels different forces pushing him towards marriage, and I feel age (27 in two months!) and my own expectations of my life creeping up on me.

I started the discussion while he made dinner, so he was bustling around the kitchen, I was off and on my computer, and I honestly think this made for a better discussion than the two of us just sitting on the couch, staring at teach other, hashing things out.

Quite frankly, I was scared. I knew going in that he was not ready in the same way that I am (and even I am not totally ready). I want to have children and, biologically, there is a legitimate clock. It's not just society that tells me I need to have kids before 35, it's science! I used some language and told him that if I'm starting having kids at 35, I'm going to be screwed (based on my own health and family history). He said, "You won't be 35. It's not going to take nearly ten years for me to be ready to have kids."

So, I asked him where he sees himself in the next five years. And he was honest. He sees himself figuring out his career, getting a better paying job that suits his skills, or, barring that, going back to school to get the education he needs to get the better jobs in the wine industry, he sees himself getting married and starting a family. Since he wants to be married about two years before having kids, that means he'll need to get married sometime within the next three years. Assuming he can see his way to marrying me, that is.

I can live with that.

And I told him that he should feel lucky that I'm not exactly pushing for a child right now. I can acknowledge being almost ready to get married, but I am in no way emotionally capable of caring for an entire other human being.

He knows now that he's lucky.

And I know that I am lucky.

Hey, look at that, two lucky people who found each other. What do you know.

What We Share

So, T's dad and step-mom are in town this weekend.

It's intriguing to watch him with his dad, because they are alike in a lot of ways.

They're both too smart for their own good, but his father's intelligence has mellowed, and he doesn't tend to come off quite as cocky as T, though I think they share a preference for being right a lot of the time. But all said and done, from what I've seen, I won't mind if T turns out quite a bit like his father as he gets older.

T is a shorter, thinner, darker version than his father. T has dark hair and eyes and pale skin, but his father has strawberry blond hair and that skin tone that tends to go with that. When he forgets to shave, it becomes obvious that T has three shades of haircolor in his beard - brown, blonde and red.

But the faces of my boyfriend and his father arequite similar, and at one point during our meal last night, they sat across the table from each other, both with their fingers interlaced, resting under their chins, elbows on the table. It kind of freaked me out how alike they looked, right in that moment, but mostly because I've known T so much as his own person. He's seen me with family from month one, so he knows me as part of them, while seeing him as part of someone else is still a rarity for me.

In light of that, though, here are some things I have from my family, things I've either moaned about or come to appreciate. Generally, I'm happy with the genetic mix that created me.

* I have my mother's gestures. This could be environmental, but I also think it's genetic.
* I have my father's walk. This is pure genetics.
* I have the hands of my mother and her mother, but my fingers are bit longer, like my father's.
* I have my father's knees, ankles, hips, the whole gammut.
* From a picture of her when she was about the same age as me, I see that I also share my body type with my father's mother.
* But my feet are those of my father and his father.
* I have my mother's eye shape but the color blue that her brothers, my uncles have.
* I have my mother's mother's nose. I tend towards liking this feature of mine least of all, but I've come to accept that I look somewhat like a bird, and since people compare Penelope Cruz to a pelican, I'm okay with that.

*I have my mother's mouth, but a bit wider. I am also mouthy, like her.
*But I'm polite like my father (yes ma'am, thank you, yes, please)
*My mother's ears.
*My father's apple-cheeks that rise up and close my eyes when I smile.
*My father's hair.
*A combination of my parents' skin tones - my dad is Polish and pale, while my mother takes after her Italian and Native American roots and tends to have an olive tint. I'm just vaguely tan...not quite pale, not quite tan.
*My father and his mother's inability to tell a story right the first time.
*My Italian great-grandfather's curls (but just at the nape of my neck).
*My mother's dark eyebrows.
*Dark upper eyelashes (my mother), blonde lower eyelashes (my dad).

...and my very own laugh.

Close Calls

They say things come in threes. Apparently that's true.

1) At work on Wednesday, I accidentally gave one customer another customer's drivers license when he returned a reference item. Chaos ensued, but all was brought to a satisfying conclusion when my boss (!) added an extra hour to her day by driving to one customer's house to retrieve the errant license. I brought her a box of cookies this morning in gratitude.

2) On the way home from a particularly fun evening of shopping with Miss Irene, I stop at stop sign near my apartment.

Sheriff's Deputies right there.

Dang.

They flash their lights and follow me to the next stop sign, at which I carefully stop.

Then I turn left and pull over.

License, registration, insurance, etc. are handed over in the proper way.

"Do you know why I pulled you over?"

"No, I don't."

She tells me that I didn't come to a full and complete stop, I say, "Really? Well, I know I stopped at that last stop sign." What else am I going to say?

She takes everything, comes back, "What's that in your backseat?" (shines her flashlight over the blanket that's covering my purse and the Target bags).

I move the blanket, "Just my groceries."

"Okay. Do you work in (important law enforcement related department)?"

"My father does."

"Well, Sarah, just remember to make full and complete stops. Drive safely. Have a nice night."

"Thank you."

Whew. The end.

3) I got to work right at 12:02, of course after swearing to myself that I'll leave on time from now on so that I don't feel tempted to not come to full and complete stops. I look at my schedule and see that I'm not on a reference desk until 1! Whew. I haven't made anyone late for their lunch break.

Three close calls, the first two obviously on a grander scale than the third. I'm thanking God and making all kinds of promises.

Close calls aren't just close calls.

They're warnings to be more careful in the future.

Real World Wednesday

Childhood Obesity

After several conversations about childhoods involving running amuck and climbing trees vs. plopped in front of a video game console. After conversations about portion sizes. After conversations about working parents, the cost of food and the crunch for time. It's time for this discussion.

Childhood obesity is on the rise. And statistics show that obese children have a greater chance of facing an obese adulthood and the host of problems associated with carrying an unhealthy amount of weight.

As I see it, there are a number of things that contribute to childhood obesity.

1) Children playing video games instead of playing outside.
2) Both parents working and not having enough time to prepare healthy meals for their children.
3) The choices available in school cafeterias.

Now, each of these three factors have additional information that is necessary to finding a solution.

Video games - Kids aren't just playing games because they're fun. At least in my community, they're playing games because games inside are safer than the world outside. When neighborhoods aren't safe, kids can't just enjoy a pick-up game of basketball or a game of tag (yes, tag, or street hockey, or anything else anyone who enjoyed an outdoor childood played).

Parents working - I'm not against both parents working. I'm against both parents having to face hard economic situations that require that both parents work low-paying jobs with awful hours, jobs that leave parents weary and unable to provide a healthy meal. Additionally, unhealthy food is cheap. Parents struggling to pay rent (or a mortgage), buy clothes, pay for transportation, etc., may choose the dollar menu at McDonald's over a healthy meal. As an example, I bought groceries on Sunday afternoon. My purchases totaled over $30. While I did get a few things that would last over a few days, I mainly purchased the ingredients for one meal - hamburgers. The meal essentially fed four people, because T/WG took the burgers for to work forr two days. So, a meal for four people cost $30. It would certainly have been less expensive to get a cheap meal at El Pollo Loco or McDonald's.

School Cafeterias - Schools across the nation are working to improve the quality o food available in cafeterias. But, as in the paragraph above, the fact remains that unhealthy food is inexpensive. It's a lot easier to buy greasy french fries frozen and in bulk than it is to purchase fresh vegetables and get them cooked each day.

So, the reasons discussed. What can we do about it?

Video Games and Neighborhood Safety - Well, I talked about this a bit last week, but there's more to it. Kids need safe places to go after school, places that allow them to run around, play sports and stay active. If their neighborhoods aren't safe, and if that isn't changing anytime soon, there still needs to be somewhere for them to go (other than the library to check MySpace, sheesh!). If your community doesn't have after-school programs, maybe you can be an advocate for the development of just such a program. If you need to "sell" the program to community leaders or school principals, arm yourself with the 40 Developmental Assets .

Parents Working - Short of overhauling the entire social and economic systems in North America (see, I'm including our Canadian neighbors!), there's not much that can be done in the short term. But what about initiating nutritional education columns in local newspapers, in handouts at fast food restaurants (maybe someone can make use of those placemats on the trays at McDonald's), in whatever ways will get people to realize that coming up with healthy meals for their families is not as challenging as it may seem at first.

School Cafeterias - They're already at work on that! Eliminating soda machines is a step in the right direction!

Other Resources:
Recipes
Meal Planning
Creative Recipes
Budgeting for a Healthy Diet

Support for After School Programs
Federal After School Program Site
After School Alliance
After School Program Fact Sheets

Information About Nutrition
Pediatrician's Guide
USDA Children's Nutrition Site
Dole's 5 A Day Site

That Explains It!

So, in the midst of my stress and my mini-freakouts (perhaps not so mini), I found myself with a stratchy throat, a low-grade fever and an aching body.

Ah.

That explains it.

I have a feeling not that the stress contributed to an illness but that an impending illness contributed to the stress. My body was already hard at work fighting off a cold, so how could it possibly be expected to handle five straight days of stressful librarian work? It couldn't.

So, after a lovely party at Hayley and Ryan's new place in SF (at which I was not exactly the best socializer on the planet, introducing myself to Marie's bf and asking him about his job, mentioning that I know it's something "secret," yeah, good job Ms. Subtle), I curled up in bed and slept the sleep of the truly exhausted. With the exception of a Jamba Juice and grocery run on Sunday, I stayed put on the couch, T beside me, as we watched the Heroes DVDs. Luckily, he was focused on finishing the season and didn't seem to mind doing nothing all day.

Thank the high heavens, I had Monday off, and I did the same thing, sleeping for over twelve hours, getting up near noon, and staying on the couch with my cat and The Office, Season 2. It was glorious. My mom brought chicken chow mein. I played some Warcraft. T brought flowers (ahhhh). And then we spent the rest of the evening on the couch, finishing up Heroes.

Today, it's back to work, and though I'm still not 100% back to myself, I at least feel relieved that I wasn't actually going crazy, just, as my mom likes to say, "coming down with something."

Friday Song Lyrics

It's been *quite* the week over here in the land of Pink Cereal and Raspberries (and after a fairly organized venting session at the staff meeting at work this morning, I realize that it's not just been me that's feeling stressed to the point of craziness!), so I figure it's time for a little music...wouldn't you agree?

1) Just the Way You Are by Billy Joel
Because hearing Maggie Gyllenhaal sing it in the movie Happy Endings somehow made the song make even more sense than it already did. It's a good song. And it's true.

Don't go changing, to try and please me
You never let me down before
Don't imagine you're too familiar
And I don't see you anymore
I wouldn't leave you in times of trouble
We never could have come this far
I took the good times, I'll take the bad times
I'll take you just the way you are

Don't go trying some new fashion
Don't change the color of your hair
You always have my unspoken passion
Although I might not seem to care

I don't want clever conversation
I never want to work that hard
I just want someone that I can talk to
I want you just the way you are.

I need to know that you will always be
The same old someone that I knew
What will it take till you believe in me
The way that I believe in you.

I said I love you and that's forever
And this I promise from the heart
I could not love you any better
I love you just the way you are.

2)Girls Just Wanna Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper
Because I really need a wonderful, relaxing, fun, happy weekend (don't we all?!).

When the working day is done,
Oh,girls,
They wanna have fu-un,
Oh,girls,
Just wanna have fun....

Girls,
They want,
Wanna have fun.
Girls,
Wanna have

Some boys take a beautiful girl,
And hide her away from the rest of the world.
I wanna be the one to walk in the sun.
Oh,girls,
They wanna have fu-un.
Oh,girls,
Just wanna have
That's all they really want.....
Some fun....

3) I Love You by Sarah McLachlin
Because it makes me smile. Because I woke up this morning thinking I was in Berkeley. Because I loved this song so much when I was in college.

I have a smile
Stretched from ear to ear
To see you walking down the road

We meet at the lights
I stare for a while
The world around disappears

Just you and me
On this island of hope
A breath between us could be miles

Let me surround you
My sea to your shore
Let me be the calm you seek

Oh and every time I’m close to you
There’s too much I can’t say
And you just walk away

And I forgot
To tell you
I love you
And the night’s
Too long
And cold here
Without you
I grieve in my condition
For I cannot find the strength to say I need you so

Oh and every time I’m close to you
There’s too much I can’t say
And you just walk away

And I forgot
To tell you
I love you
And the night’s
Too long
And cold here
Without you

4)Who Am I by Casting Crowns
Because I've been asking myself a lot of these questions lately.

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

5) Rockstar by Nickelback
Because it's a new-ish song that seems to have caught my attention.

I want a new tour bus full of old guitars
My own star on Hollywood Boulevard
Somewhere between Cher and
James Dean is fine for me

Woman on the Verge

I'm not *really* on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

I just can't quite fathom how I will be able to manage my home life, my work life and everything in between whenever I get married and have children. How do people do it?

Hobbies? I no longer have the energy to cultivate hobbies. I'm trying my darndest to write, but I can't bring myself to do it everyday.

Cleaning? Yes, I do it. I vacuum. I clean the bathroom. The kitchen? I hardly cook during the week, and yet the kitchen always looks like I failed home ec (well, more like I didn't take home ec...why didn't they offer home ec at my high school? It seems right up the alley of a Catholic school, doesn't it?).

Work? Right now, I'm staying afloat, and that's it, and sadly, I think everyone knows it. They know I'm right at the breaking point. Maybe I need more caffeine, but what I really need is more time at my actual desk instead of spending 6 hours out of 8 running around the library telling people how to print. There are too many projects at work, and it's not like T understands (WG is T, by the way...I'm making a transition to his real name which I may or may not ever actually reveal).

Boyfriend? Yes. Check. Got one. But I'm constantly worried that at some point my constant exhaustion and "need" to dramatize everything is just going to make him decide to find one of those mythical women without drama. They don't exist, and I trust that he loves me, but man, there are days when I wish he did more than run tests on wine and grapes all day. He has no concept of what it means to be stressed at work, or to have to come in for a full day of dealing with the public, meeting with co-workers, meeting with community partners...and to have spilled salsa on your shirt right before you left for work so you had to go revise your outfit plans for the day. Sure, he works long hours, and it being harvest, he's working six days a week, but he doesn't know what it means to be stressed at work. It's not like he brings home all of his testing materials and has to run lab tests at home.

Peace of mind? Only as my head hits the pillow, and I am completely oblivious to the fact that I have to get up again in the morning and do it all over again.

Real World Wednesday

Feeling Safe in Your Community

In a recent column in the San Francisco Chronicle, Mark Morford talks about coming home from a long weekend and finding that a shooting has just taken place in his neighborhood in San Francisco.

The column turns to talking about fear, and Morford says it all when he says:

And here's the great divine kicker: The more you worry about it, the more you abide in fear and anxiety, the more likely such trauma and drama will happen to you. It's the Great Inverse Law of Energy: What you fear most will be drawn to you like a magnet. And the universe goes: Ha.

So, how can we not live in fear?

What are some ways you can overcome paranoia and fear, short of moving to an expensive neighborhood (where, let's face it, you'd still be afraid that the wrong element would get in an steal your jewelry, costume or otherwise)?

First, and this isn't anywhere in the advice I found online. Get over yourself, but not to the point where you feel invincible.

In order to not let fear get the best of you, you have to accept that having a healthy dose of it in your life will allow you to keep that life. Walking down dark, lonely streets on your own, after midnight. Probably not the best idea. Yes, you should be afraid. And you should call a cab, have a friend pick you up or just not be out on the street by yourself after midnight.

But there are other things you can do:

Check out the Home Safety Council website for tips on how to deal with a myriad of problems that can happen inside the home.

Remember these self-defense tips I found online:
1)Stay aware of your surroundings
2)Stay with people, go to people
3)Keep a barrier between you and the bad guy
4)Attract attention (if attacked/assaulted)
5)Control his hips and hands
6)Use your strongest weapons against your weakest targets

And on a more positive note, maybe instead of being afraid you can get it together to do something to change the community.

Participate in a Neighborhood Watch.
Volunteer for the Boys and Girls Club.

Or, as many of you already do, choose a career that will influence the future of your community. Teach. Work at a college or university. Get involved with politics. Rather than being afraid, get involved, and to quote the most quoted, "Be the change you want to see in the world" (Mahatma Ghandi).

Grace

I do consider myself a quirky person.

There are times when I want to be just as quirky, as say, Jennifer Aniston in "Along Came Polly," you know wearing scarves and unique clothing and having a pet ferret (or, in my case, an extremely loud cat).

And then I want to be Grace Kelly. I want to epitomize grace. I want to have wrinkle-free clothing and a purse named after me.

But it never turns out quite that way.

I want to be Grace Kelly, but I always wind up more Lucille Ball...but not as funny.

22

The youngest age you can possibly be at any time in your life is 22.

I was browsing my CDs last night and came across a mix I made way back 2002. It wasn't so much the songs on the mix (an odd assortment of Jimmy Eat World, The Jayhawks and Reba McEntire), as it was the date. It was a mix from March of 2002, five whole years ago.

I thought back to five years ago.

Now, this isn't one of those truly nostalgic posts.

This is one with the wisdom of a 26, soon to be 27 year old.

You will never be younger than you were at 22.

At 22 (or 21, with change, as the case was for me), the whole world is in front of you. College graduation has just happened or looms ahead. You have started a crappy post-college job that you will leave in six months. You're in grad school. You've gotten a shady apartment. You have only just started to hang out with your college friends outside the bounds of pre-established events like socials, formals, and football games. You're feeling rather grown-up about attending your first cocktail party (though it will be the most grown-up party you ever attend, save those thrown by your eventual employer when you're 40...after this year, everyone will stop trying to be adults and will have parties that suit them better than wine, crackers and cheese. You will play more poker, drink more beer and laugh harder than you ever imagined you would after graduation).

You're either the youngest person in your office or the most over-qualified baby-sitter anyone has ever encountered.

You may be about to get engaged to your college boyfriend or girlfriend. But you have no idea what marriage means.

Or you're bitterly single or completely ecstatic to have the world at your feet.

You are so, so young.

You are younger than you were at 16. At 16, you were a grown child living at home, getting more and more responsibilities, learning to drive, going out on your own with your friends, saying to no to a few family gatherings. You were entering adulthood.

Now, in an office full of forty and fifty year olds, you're a child again.

The women in the office will comment on your outfits, or your weight, or both. The men will do the same.

You are tired of trying to find your place in the world, but you've only been at it for three months...less if you just got back from your post-graduation trip to Europe or India or China or somewhere else equally not home.

You may be lonely.

You may be jealous of both your still in college younger friends and your slightly more settled older friends.

You miss your parents, but you're not quite sure how to tell them that.

Or you live at home and you just miss being eight and satisfied with your life.

At eight, you had your own world, and you weren't so worried about the future. You had your small duties and responsibilities, and you were older than when you were six.

You will never be as young as you were at 22.

One day, you will wake up and realize that you're not 22 anymore, but you're still young. Maybe you've got a job, a significant other, a house, a child...any or all of the above. But you're still young. The fact that you are still young at 24, at 25, at 27...at 30 means that you were unbelievably young at 22.

Then one day, you will feel curious about the music you liked five years ago, and you'll realize you haven't changed all that much.

But that you kind of miss sharing a room with someone.

And you actually miss getting up to go to class.

And you know you'll never be that young again but you somehow are lucky enough to still have the whole world in front of you.

Real World Wednesday

Mortgages and the Race to Own a Home

My heart is still full, but I think I can concentrate long enough to write a relevant post. I think.

This may not seem like the most "real" of topics, but those readers of a certain age (okay, for any of you who have graduated college or are otherwise contemplating the serious reality that is your future), thoughts of mortgages and financial instability may well reign over your thoughts on certain days.

Some months, when I see one entire paycheck go to rent, I feel like it's entirely worth it for what I get - for independence, for a pool, for cooler weather than on the other side of town. Other months, I cringe as I see what is NOT going into my savings and consider that my monthly rent would easily cover two mortgages in, oh, I don't know...Oklahoma?

In any case, there is a race to own a home, a race to feel that we own some piece of the world all on our own. But we don't really own it. We may pay a mortgage, but that property won't be ours for close to 30 years...at least not in California.

Before I officially decided to rent, I looked into condos, and found that the financiers would trust my "stated" income and give me a loan that would cost me $1000 MORE than I make a month. That's just wrong, and that's how fine people like these folks end up with bad credit and no place to live.

Yahoo Finance has some good tips on how much mortage an individual can afford, of course, those tips are based on a $95,000 mortage, and I know there's no mortgage like that in California.

Other places to look:
Bankrate.com
Housing Markets You Can Afford
MSN Savings Calculator

It's all well and good to lean towards savings and away from savings, but please people, don't neglect the rest of your life while you save for your first home.

Stay

My heart is quite simply full after this weekend. Friday, my house was full of that pleasant buzz of people having a wonderful time. I hadn't laughed that hard in weeks. People ate pizza, queso, other dips and chips and drank beer, wine, sangria and sodas. Poker was played (my table was more of a school for the poker challenged), as was taboo (there's something amazing about the chemistry between really close people playing taboo - the clues are fabulous, and that makes the laughter even more heartfelt). There was a cake with candles. And after the laughter ended, Blades of Glory finished it's last, ridiculous scene and everyone went home, WG and I were left with each other, and he was grateful and full of genuine love for me.

Saturday was relaxing and wonderful with the treat of a date night at the end. First, WG (and I must say, I'm getting a bit tired of the nickname...perhaps soon you'll learn his real name) and I went out to dinner, all dolled up in our theater finery. We found that the restaurant where I wanted to eat was completely gone, but we found a local Il Fornaio and had a rather delicious meal (that included ravioli stuffed with mozzarella cheese and PEARS...sooooo good). After dinner, we met up with Irene and her man, laughed for two hours straight at Avenue Q and then headed out for an impromptu tour of the city, which brought us to the palace of fine arts:



This was Irene's and WG's first time at the Palace - Irene had no excuse, but WG's from out of state. We were a bit confused by the random pack of people walking back and forth through the gorgeous old building, and we decided to head out after taking some pictures.

After sleeping in (oh, sleep, glorious sleep), WG and chilled again on Sunday. Some fabulous people had gifted him with more Settlers of Catan paraphenalia, so after a movie (for me), a nap (for him) and a visit to the pool, we settled in for two games. I whooped on his butt the first game and came from behind to win the second. He was a bit pouty, seeing as how he taught me how to play in the first place.

Me: Come here.
Him: Whaaaaat?
Me: Just come here. I grabbed him around the waist: You're just so cute when you lose.
Him: Really?
Me: Yeah, you're freakin' adorable, all pouty and whatnot.
Him: Well, at the beginning it was different, because I won off of your mistakes, so it wasn't as fun, but now you know what you're doing.
I kissed him.
Him: I love you so much.

We headed out in the evening to FINALLY see Superbad, despite the fact that at precisely 7 p.m., he COULD have been playing Warcraft.

Him: Hurry up!
Me: I'm changing my pants, hold on.
Him: If we don't go now, I'm going to get sucked in. Do we have to go tonight?
Me: Yes. We've been saying we're going to see this movie for two weeks, and if we don't go now, we won't go at all.
Him: Then hurry up.

He laughed for two hours and didn't once mention having to miss warcraft.

Monday we got up a bit earlier. I went for a run. Then we ran some errands and went to my parents' house so they could give him a birthday gift and we could share our generous amount of leftovers. He headed home to pay his rent, and I had a lovely evening to myself.

Tuesday, the fourth of my slightly ridiculously long weekend (especially considering that I have one day weekend coming up...), I spent with Mama. We met up for haircuts (ahhhhhh, said my split ends), went shopping (where I was treated to more purses than I know what to do with and the DVD of the first season of Heroes - I'm rather curious about that show - so more, Mama shopped, and I benefitted).

And then it was time for WG's official birthday dinner. Fast forward through present opening, a delightful dinner at a quirky restaurant with plenty of atmosphere and a quiet drive back to his place. He showed me the rest of his high school photos, and, for the rest of the evening, I felt like was sitting in a room with his seventeen year old self. He hugged me, "Looking at those pictures makes me a bit nostalgic."

"I can tell," I said, "You're not really here anymore."

It got to be ten, and I said, somewhat anxiously, "I've got to go. You have to go to bed!"

He held me and looked me in the eyes, "Would you stay here tonight?"

And so, for the first time since he moved in six months ago, I stayed at his place. I curled up in one of his shirts, lay down, and slept beside the man I love in his actual bed.

(p.s. Real World Wednesday will be along later, but my heart was full to bursting with this post).