One Thing

My boyfriend's back!

(and yes, I do have that 1950's pop song running through my head, but there's no one who's going to be in trouble, so mostly it's just the "My boyfriend's back" lyric that keeps running around in my mind).

That's all.

Thank you.

You're Gonna Love Me!

So, I watched the Academy Awards, and as it turns out, I actually got to see them live (considering that everything happens in California, it's amazingly rare that we get to see any awards show live)!

Anyway, I just want to say that, although I would have enjoyed seeing that little girl from Little Miss Sunshine (one of my new favorite movies) win the Oscar fror Best Supporting Actress, I am THRILLED that it went to Jennifer Hudson.

When she got voted off American Idol waaaaay too early the Fantasia year, I was upset for days (this was when I actually got Fox and could watch American Idol with the proper amount of dedication and attention). When I read in a magazine, "Oh, and by the way, Jennifer Hudson just scored a role in Dreamgirls," was happy in a, "Oh, yay, she'll get her chance, still." But winning an Academy Award!? Wow, this girl has come FAR.

So, I just want to say that she had it right in her big solo. We do love her, and there is no way she's leaving Hollywood anytime soon!

I love it when the Oscars do something cool and unexpected like this! In honor of Jennifer's win, I'll keep my avatar over there dressed in her Oscar finery for another few days.

Patience

So...

I've decided to let my issues stemming from a week of being ignored while he's home just drop. I can give him a week. I can give him that space...I know that he needs it. What's funny is that I'm sure he's expecting me to be fuming about not really talking to him or hearing from him that much since he's been gone. And, uh, yeah, I'm not happy about it. But I CAN see that we all need a little time to ourselves now and then, and, believe it or not, I am perfectly capable of providing that time.

So, that's one less thing I'll need to talk to him about when he gets home.

On another note, I'm still having really bizarre dreams, and I am anxious to see if they calm down a bit once he's back in California!

A Better Outlook

Today, I feel better. I didn't wake up feeling better right away, but now it's 10 a.m., and I am officially in a good mood.

I have realized several things in the last twelve hours or so.

1) I'm not crazy. I'm a woman in love, and I'm feeling a bit insecure about the relationship. That's a valid feeling.

2) As much as I profess the opposite, I am not good with change, and the next few weeks will be riddled with it. I will feel better when a routine is established and I have some idea of when Wine Guy and I will get to see each other on a regular basis.

3) Y'all probably think I'm nuts for obsessing over this guy like this, and I can see your point!

4) I also know that for me anything past three weeks in a relationship seems fragile and new, like a butterfly just learning to fly. While four months should feel stable, to me it's so brand new that I feel it's about to fall apart at any moment.

5) I realized that I shouldn't be worrying so much about whether Wine Guy will leave me. I should let him worry about whether or not he's good enough for me

I also read a quote that said that trust builds gradually. Calling someone my boyfriend after about a month of dating him doesn't mean I completely trust him. How much can you trust someone after knowing them for a month? Now, I've known him for over four months (nearly five if you count the time we talked before meeting), and I'm realizing how long it takes for trust to build.

I trust that he won't cheat on me. I can see that much. But trusting in an uncertain future is difficult for me, and I'm working out how I actually feel about that.

My friend Milada said, and I quote, "I would have asked homeboy by this point, 'where is this relationship going?' because the suspense of not knowing exactly how he feels would kill me." Maybe she has a point...

Green Eyed Monsters and Breaking Hearts

In December, a girl I used to babysit got engaged. Just this weekend, a friend's younger brother (a boy I used to know when he was 10 years old and running around like a maniac) proposed to his girlfriend. They're both several years younger than me, and they'll both be married before the end of the year.

Last night, when I got more information on both of their engagements, I wasn't jealous or upset, because the boy didn't go to college, and the girl is basically following in her mother's exact footsteps.

Today, though, I feel a bit like an old maid. I'm 26, not married, and with a boyfriend who is pulling away faster than you can say, "Pass the chocolate."

Wine Guy had been staying with me since the end of December. Not "living" with me, because that involves actually unpacking his suitcases and the two of us admitting to living together when we both generally oppose living together before marriage. Not to worry, this was nothing close to a marital situation, if you catch my meaning, but we did see each other every day and fell out of the habit of talking to each other on the phone. For the first couple of weeks, I kept waiting for him to find his new apartment and leave. Then he told me that he'd realized it made more sense to get his new job before finding a place, and I totally agreed. I also got used to him being at my place when I got off work. I got used to his presence in my space. Well, he's got the job (well, actually three job offers he'll have to sort through next week), and he dropped off his first load of stuff at the new place on Saturday.

Then he went home to Oklahoma.

So, six weeks or so of him there all the time, for good and for bad, and now nothing but his pile of unfolded, unsorted laundry at the foot of my bed.

I've talked to him for the sum total of one hour since he left on Sunday.

I honestly think it's great that he's getting to go home and be with his friends, to fill up on people who know him inside and out, or at least that know the parts of him he was in college. I applaud the fact that he's having dinner with his mom and trying to get tickets to his sister's boyfriend's band's concert. Yay! Go Wine Guy!

But I miss him.

I've filled my time. I've read books, visited my parents, talked to friends, worked on art projects, watched Sex & The City. It's not like I don't have a full life, but he's a major part of my life, and when he's not here, I do feel like I'm missing a limb.

Overreacting? Oh, of course! Successful couples should be able to navigate a week apart. And I realize that my missing him this week is more about missing the past six weeks and knowing that the upcoming weeks are going to be challenging and perhaps unpleasant.

We'll have to get used to seeing each other maybe twice a week (his new job will likely not allow more than one weeknight date), instead of every day. And in a couple of weeks, it will be time for my month working Saturdays, so that cuts the potential date days down by one.

And I'm missing him already.

There are people younger than me preparing to spend a lifetime together, and my boyfriend and I are just about to start spending as little time together as possible.

Call me a whiner, I know it's true. I know it's all in my head, that things will be fine. But thinking about going from seven days a week to at most two is opening up that gaping wound in my heart I thought had closed up long ago.

Overreacting? Sure. But it's still how I feel.

My mother politely reminded me of this, and I must say that I am always surprised to find how much I repeat myself and my emotions...yikes!

Ashes

Today is Ash Wednesday, and that means going to Mass and being reminded that I am sinful. Yeah, that's the bad part. But I also get reminded that I am forgiven. I can live with that.

I've mentioned this before, but Catholics (and possibly those of other Christian faiths) also get to take a second look at their New Year's resolutions and see if they can improve on them for the forty days of Lent.

I mentioned something about this day to my boss, and she said, "Oh, what are you giving up?"

"I tend to try to do the behavioural stuff."

She said that she tries to do the same thing and puts her daughters on as enforcers to keep her on track during Lent. It was somewhat of a surreal conversation to have with my boss, especially seeing as how faith is rarely allowed in Government buildings, BUT I'm grateful nonetheless.

Yes, I am working on my behavior. I'll be extending on the "calm down" resolution, expanding it to the following:
*Worrying only about things about which I have control (how is this religious? Well, my worrying about other peoples' business is not exactly Christian and can border on judgmental)
*Being a nicer person in general (turning the other cheek...no mean comments)
*Loving (two simple commandments, people, and they summarize down to "love God" and "love your neighbor". So, I'm going to love).

Those are three big things, three somewhat vague things, but I'll check in with myself each day to think about how I'm accomplishing each of them.

Oh, and I won't make you read about my Lenten accomplishments or failures each day...that's not something you need to worry about.

Here's to 40 days of change.

A Weekend Kind of Life

When life actually happens, it sometimes comes as a rather pleasant surprise. You're going along, just barely surviving until the end of each workday, and before you know it, it's the weekend, and you have dinners to eat, friends to see and music to hear.

Friday, Wine Guy took me out for the delayed "official" Valentine's Day dinner. We ate at a nifty restaurant in Napa, about which Wine Guy said, "I would be willing to try it again, but I wouldn't recommend it to friends right away." We both agreed that our homecooked meal on the actual V-day was much, much better. I overheard him tell his mom on the phone, "It was the best gourmet homecooked meal I've ever had in my life. Yes, yes, she thinks so, too."

Saturday, Irenie had a birthday! Whoo hoo! Dinner at Zuppa was marvelous. The food was scrumptious, the company divine, and the customer service better than any I've had at an SF restaurant. They even sliced up the birthday cake I'd brought and decorated it with the extras in the bag (raspberry puree, whipped cream and a candle on Irene's plate). After dinner, we meandered over to the "tendernob" district (seriously, who came up with that name), and danced the night (or at least an hour and half) away. The DJ actually *worked*. I mean, he was mixing songs and changing beats, not just throwing a couple of "chuka chuka" sounds into rap beats. It was fun to boogie. I like the nightlife, I like to boogie (double bonus points if you can name the movie where I got that line!).

Bright and early Sunday morning, and by that I mean at FOUR A.M., I drove Wine Guy to the airport for his flight back to the great state of Oklahoma for a weeklong visit. Then back to my place to sleep until mid-afternoon...and I didn't even feel lazy. In the evening, I hung out with a couple of librarian friends, ate some sushi and saw a movie...I didn't get back until nearly midnight, so I had no time to miss my boy.

Monday (hurray for three day weekends!), at a not so bright and early hour, I met Mommy at morning mass and then made her breakfast back at my place. Driving around in the morning sunshine, I felt Spring on its way. Now, I know that we've got a cold front coming in from Alaska or whatever, but Spring is ON. ITS. WAY. I swear! Later, and after two trips back to my place for forgotten or misplaced items, another friend and I headed off for the window-shopping bliss that is Berkeley's 4th Street. I can't afford most of the stuff on that street, so I never damage my checkbook too much. I love finding cheap things in expensive stores, because most of the rich people just look right by them. I got four ice cream bowls at Anthropologie for $10! Ten dollars! And they're cute, and girly, and totally my style. Later, we had dinner at a familiar Mexican restaurant on Telegraph, and I felt grateful for knowing this area. I also realized how much more I like Berkeley than San Francisco. I know Berkeley. I can find parking and restaurants I like and cool things to hang on my walls...and I don't miss living there at all (and I think that Wine Guy is gradually going to realize that he doesn't truly miss living in his college town).

I finally got back to my place around 10, talked for a little bit with Wine Guy (I think he's finding that "home" has a new meaning now that's been in in California since August and his friends have different lives than when he left), watched a movie, played with my new 4th street goodies and went to bed.

...and then I promptly had some weird dream about being engaged to a younger Blair Underwood and woke craving a hug from Wine Guy, because the hugs from this dream bloke were just not the same, not the right feel, not from my guy.

I had an incredible friend, family and life filled weekend.

I do miss Wine Guy but in a very different way than when he went away at Christmas. I miss him as the person I talk to at the end of the day. I didn't buy a collander, because I thought he might want to help me choose one. I miss the sound of his voice, the feel of his arms and the smile on his face.

And I must admit that it feels good to have someone to miss.

The little things...

Some of my favorite bloggers are doing this, and who am I not to jump on the bandwagon?

Things That Float my Boat

New as of 7/7/2007
*Spending one of those glorious non-stressful holidays with my parents
*Three words: Green Tea Freddo
*$1.99 Indian food from Trader Joe's
*Stephen King, John Cusack and a cold movie theater on a hot day
*Paying less for gas
*Touching ground in California
*Reading a really wonderful book after a pile of so-so ones
*The feeling of accomplishment after doing something I've told myself I would for years
*Missing him but being okay a little bit happy that he's out of town
*Air conditioning
*Raspberries by the cartload in the summer

New as of 6/6/2007
*Girls night with salad, pasta and drunken ice cream
*Beautiful bridesmaids' dresses
*Planning a vacation, but not really planning every last detail
*Learning to be myself around him
*Being in the same space doing our own thing
*Free wine tasting
*Actually being able to identify a specific flavor in a wine
*Baking without burning myself
*Watching a movie with Mommy
*Taking a walk with Daddy and the dogs on a gorgeous summer evening
*Starbucks on a Saturday morning
*Getting a different drink at Starbucks everytime I go. It's the one place where I truly take advantage of variety
*Getting Michael Buble's "Everything" stuck in my head
*Curling up on the couch with Marley on a Sunday evening and reading till my heart is full
*Quick weekend trips to Vegas
*Reading several books at a time - one in the bedroom, one in the bathroom, like four in my car should I get caught somewhere without a book. I'm a walking library
*Marley's happy meows when I come home at the end of the day
*Walking through the door and seeing him there
*Walking through the door and not seeing him there
*Being the one to leave, from time to time
*Tailgate parties that never culminate in a baseball game
*Google-bot
*When he laughs louder at my jokes than anyone else, and means it
*Omlettes on a Sunday morning
*Staying up till three and sleeping till eleven and not feeling the least bit guilty
*Running across a blog that says exactly what I was thinking
*Mommy waiting at the door when I go home for lunch
*JJ and Bailey's happy little faces when they see me
*My camera
*Flickr
*Facebook
*Waking up in the morning full of energy and looking forward to the whole day, not just to the evening.

New as of 4/22/2007
*Meeting friends for dinner at a fab restaurant in a city I'm getting to know better each week
*Seeing Irene happy...actually, hearing her happy on a voice mail is pretty awesome, too
*Random outbursts of complete and utter wackiness
*When it's not just me who's wacky
*Doing nothing on the weekend and still accomplishing so much

New as of 3/24/2007
*The memory of meeting my cat Timmy when he was a mere 11 hours hold
*The joy of having him sit on my lap and otherwise bond with me for the five weeks before we took him home way back in 1994.
*The sound of Timmy's squeeky meow when he sees me
*The way he always pushes his head up against my lips when I give him a kiss
*The fact that Timmy never stops wanting to "nuzzle," since he was taken from his mama so young
*When Timmy climbs on my shoulders and sort of rests himself on the back of my neck
*The weird way that Timmy never likes me to take a picture of him. He always rushes away as soon as I get the camera out. Every other cat will pose and get all cute, but Timmy gets rambunctious and wants to play
*Timmy rolling on the floor, luxuriously stretching out his cat body, waiting for someone to scratch his belly
*Saying "Timmy"
*Picking up this rolly-polly cat, and feeling him push his legs off the floor to help with the process
*The way he tries to balance on the little window-sill when I hold him up to it. He can only ever get three legs at a time, because it's a very narrow window-sill, so one leg will always be on my shoulder.
*What doesn't rock my boat is the way my heart hurts when I realize that it's likely that in a few days, I'll start the process of missing him for the rest of my life.

New as of 3/6/2007
*Picnics on the patio
*Planting veggies in the spring
*Going to Home Depot on a weekend afternoon
*Watching a movie by myself
*Watching a movie cuddled up with...my cat, my boyfriend...just while cuddling
*That feeling when I accomplish more than I expected
*The good memories of my ridiculous and crazy extended family
*Having instinct and women's intuition
*Having a clean apartment
*Getting just what I wanted for lunch
*Getting all dolled up and going out on the town
*Going barefoot
*After a cold winter, wearing a skirt but not tights
*Getting a text message
*Having a whole weekend filled with little things
*The sun! Oh, heavens, the sun!
*Daytrips
*Day trips to wine country I didn't really know existed
*Laughing so heard my throat hurts
*Snow Patrol's "Hands Open"
*Blue October's "18th Floor Balcony"
*Augustana's "Boston"
*Laughing so hard I can't catch my breath
*When I am finally over whatever emotion has come upon me, and I can see clearly once again
*Having chocolate on hand when someone else really needs it
*Pickles
*Tiny little Polish pickles that are completely sour and wonderfully crunchy
*Pan-fried Chinese noodles
*Weekends

New as of 2/27/2007
*Missing someone and then having them come back
*When someone comes back from a vacation and really seems back to themselves, the person you love in the first place
*That my parents are actually madly in love with each other, but not in a sickening way
*That my parents have been married for almost 29 years
*That my parents both have naturally gray hair and don't mind (anymore)
*When my grandmother does incredibly random things like call me on my cell phone, despite the fact that she had never, ever done that before in the entirety of my having a cell phone (oh, about 8 years)
*Lily Allen and Blue October
*Seventh graders (particularly the ones in my CCD class, aka "my kids")
*Hugs so strong you feel like you're melting into the other person
*When Wine Guy reaches for my hand first
*Chicken tenders, particularly with bbq sauce
*Vanilla Coke
*In N Out Burger
*A tiny bit of dessert after a good meal
*Cheese in general, strong cheeses in particular
*Writing my whole name out, middle name included
*Knowing that, in some way, I will keep my last name, because I've fought long and hard to get people to know how to pronounce it, and I'm not giving it up just like that
*Discovering new things about places reasonably within my geographic area
*Roast Beef Dip Sandwiches
*Tuna Melts
*Philly Cheese Steak (the one thing motivating me to ever go to Philly, besides wanting to run up Rocky's stairs, of course)
*Breakfast
*Certain recurring characters on SNL (the a-holes, anyone? anyone? Nuni and Nuni? anyone?)
*Getting into my pajamas after getting my feet soaked in a rain shower
*My Oklahoma t-shirt that says "In Oklahoma" on the front and "Nothing tips like a calf" on the back (mostly because Wine Guy gave it to me AND because I don't entirely understand what it means...what else would tip?)
*California rain showers

New as of 2/23/2007
*Bubble baths
*Really good pizza
*Really cheap pizza that still tastes like a treat
*A busy social life
*Irenie
*Irenie when I'm having a crisis
*The wisdom of my mother
*Friends who surprise me
*The fact that my Daddy is and will always be my superhero
*A fantastic mocha (usually not from Starbucks)
*Pasta
*Homemade pasta
*That spinach and artichoke dip from Costco
*Coldplay and Keane
*Extras (this wacky British comedy on HBO)
*Grey's Anatomy (the tv show, not the reference book)
*Fitting in as many social outings as possible in a given week
*Sitting on my couch doing nothing
*Even better, sitting in my bed, under a warm blanket, with Marley curled in tight beside me, doing something mildy productive
*Birthday parties
*Planning birthday parties
*Gettin' my groove on
*Going to the movies
*Oh! Oh! The previews at the movie theater!!!
*Saturday
*Sunday evening
*Picking someone up at the airport (quite the opposite of dropping someone off, which I hate)
*Talking in the car
*Singing along to good music in the car
*Singing along to music in the car that I would not admit to listening to
*Tupperware
*That feeling when I am actually caught up on all my work
*Understanding a foreign language

New as of 2/20/2007
*Standing on my front balcony in the middle of the afternoon
*E-mail from Irene
*Lunch at home
*Super burrito's at Mario's
*Waking up to realize my life is better than my dream life
*Green tea
*Sex & The City
*Sleeping with Marley curled up in the crook of my arm
*Hugs
*Big smiles
*Knowing some of the library customers by name
*The smell of new books
*The smell of old books
*Curling up under a blanket, tea beside me, music playing, reading
*Driving
*Driving with the windows down
*Driving with the windows down and the stereo blasting
*The Killers and Snow Patrol
*Chocolate cake
*Chicken chow mein
*Garlic bread
*Lunchtime
*Waking up on a Monday and remembering I have the day off
*Getting just the perfect amount of sleep
*Five more minutes on the alarm clock

Original List
*Mommy & Daddy
*Mommy's desserts, especially the ones that came from 1950's military housewife recipes (the odd combinations of chocolate, toffee, coconut...wow...these people had a LOT of time on their hands and not enough money for groceries)
*Hugs from my dad
*When Marley crawls into my lap, looks up at me and meows
*Anything having to do with JJ
*Ghetto fabulous songs from the '90's that make me think of the good parts of high school
*Rainstorms
*The Barenaked Ladies (particularly the Stunt CD)
*Getting thingy at place w/my girl Irene
*My girl Irene
*Ghetto phrases spoken from utterly un-ghetto lips (phrases like "my girl")
*Target ($1 bins! HELLO!)
*Whenever Wine Guy looks at me and says, "Hey there."
*Wine Guy
*Bob Hope
*John Mayer
*Laughing with my relatives
*My cousins
*Church songs
*Lullabies
*Having a man play guitar just for me
*Blade, Underworld and other things Vampiric
*Books!!!!
*Dancing barefoot in the living room
*Weird catch phrases like "cool beans!"
*Spooning
*Having a man's hand in the small of my back
*Holding hands
*Ice skating
*Hot chocolate
*Sitting in a cafe, late at night, with my friends
*Sharing a common past with my friends
*Surprise lunches with my friends
*My friends, in general
*Phone calls from Monica
*E-mails from Milada
*Strawberry soda
*Pink cereal and raspberries :)
*Kissing
*Making out
*Slow dancing
*Strange love songs
*Breakfast at Tiffany's (the song more than the movie)
*Watching old videos I made with my cousins
*Oatmeal Raisin cookies
*Laughing so hard I can't breathe
*Conversations without complete sentences (Remember? When she? Oh! Yah?! Crazy!)
*Fresh baked cookies and a cold glass of milk
*Berkeley
*The beach in San Francisco
*Black and white photography
*Black and white photographs
*Taking weird close up pictures
*The way my grandma smells (aka Chanel #5)
*Spring
*The smell of October
*Those cloudy days when you can't tell what time it is, but it also never rains, and the day just goes on forever
*Sitting on the couch, under a blanket, watching a movie
*Swimming
*Swimming in the rain
*The rain
*Walking the dogs
*Lasagne
*Surprise phone calls from my friends
*Writing lists
*That feeling when I remember I'm in love
*Dancing with my girls in a club in the city
*The buzz of conversation all around me at a party when I actually know all the people
*My car
*Damien Rice, Regina Spektor, Rachael Yamagata and the Jayhawks
*Mix CDs
*My iPod
*Watching my mom enjoy her iPod
*Getting text messages
*The way Jessica says "hugs, hugs, hugs!" whenever I see her
*The Hosana portion of mass
*My dad's bbq ribs (mmm)
*Having a date on a Friday night (or Saturday night...or ever)
*Bailey's butt-bumps
*Timmy's sad, quiet little meow
*Toasted brioche or brochen with melted butter and jam
*Pandora (new music!!)
*The end of the work day

We Don't Need no Stinkin' Restaurant

The boy is good (see lovely roses above).

I walked into my apartment, and Wine Guy had just gotten back. As a matter of fact, he was smack dab in the middle of attempting to put the lovely roses above into a really awesome vase.

"How'd you get home so fast?" He asked.

Of course, it was my usual time, but I think I caught him off guard and unprepared. Oh well! The flowers (which I ended up putting in the vase) are still gorgeous.

So, as you know, it became clear to Wine Guy on Sunday that he needed to do something about Valentine's Day, and though he may be perfect in other ways, as a planner, he lacks some skills. He called his restaurant of choice after 10 a.m. on Valentine's Day and found, much to his surprise, that the restaurant was booked. Shocking!

At just after 10:30, he texted me to let me know the restaurant thing was out, and would I mind if he just went ahead and cooked for me. Well, the boy can cook, so, not a problem.

In the end, we worked together in the kitchen. He made Mahi Mahi in a balsamic vinegar and cream sauce and this mushroom risotto that is one of his staples. I made pan-browned brussel sprouts for the second time in three weeks. This time, though, I didn't burn the garlic and pine nuts, so they had scent AND flavor. I've always been the weird kid who begged her mother for brussel sprouts, so finding a yummy recipe is something of a culinary dream come true.

Wine Guy whipped up one of his signature caesar salads and opened a bottle of Cakebread Chardonnay Reserve (and I finished two glasses! That's saying something!). And we sat down to one of my top five meals ever eaten in my lifetime. The fish was just tangy enough. The salad had just enough pepper. The olive oil came through in the brussel sprouts, and the black truffle oil was obvious in the risotto.
After our fine meal, fine conversation and some time watching Blade (yes, it's a vampire movie, but we talked about it the first time we met, so there, we're a complimentary style of weird), we enjoyed our dessert, a chocolate banana bread made with teeny tiny, itsy bitsy, chocolate chips that melted just enough. Mmmm. All in all, a culinary delight.

But he also made reservations at his restaurant of choice for Friday.

Uncharted Waters

Last night:

"So, wait, what's the date?" He called from the bed, where he had plopped himself down to wait while I futzed around in the bathroom.

I didn't even have a second to respond.

"Is today our anniversary?"

I poked my head out of the bathroom, "Yep."

"Six months, or what?" He said, jokingly.

"Four months."

"Four months?"

"Yep."

"Happy Anniversary."

I came out of the bathroom, lept onto the bed and planted a kiss on his forehead, "Happy Anniversary." Back to the bathroom to finish whatever it was I was doing.

"Well, as of tomorrow, and from this point forward, you are my longest ever girlfriend."

"Oh, you passed that relationship mark for me two months ago, baby."

In general, I'm not a fan of the "monthaversary," but in this case, I'll accept it and enjoy it.

And so, we proceed into uncharted waters. Neither of us has ever been this far into a relationship. I'm not behind him; he's not ahead of me. We're in this together.

501

On a strange afternoon, where the rain clouds, the wet streets and the sunshine combined to make an eerie yellow light. On just such an afternoon, it was time to write my 501st post to this blog. Others have written far more, and more influential blogs have written far less, but 501 seems significant to me. This won't be my favorite post of all time, but I will remember writing about fish...

Today, I expected to spend the morning finishing a book, do some research for an ALA project, go watch a movie with my parents...I don't know, do my stuff. BUT, then Wine Guy took the day off, and that changed the whole scope of the day.

In the end, I got to do a little bit of everything...I got to dance around the family room with my mom, literally bouncing up and down to Barenaked Ladies (I've gotta tell you, bouncing around the family room is one of my all time favorite activities, and it's always a joy to have someone else join in with me). Wine Guy and I ate with my mom and dad, fixed their wireless router (basically involved rebuilding the network...why do I know these things?) and hung out for a bit. Then, we went shopping, Well, Wine Guy went shopping, and he finally bought the shoes he's been thinking about buying for the past three weeks. Hurrah! Now, he'll have new shoes in time for the second round of interviews at Hess tomorrow - hurrah!

Alright, and now for the fun stuff. We drove home, did our own things for a couple of hours, and, finally, made what might be the favorite meal I've made with Wine Guy.

It all started with his craving for fish...and launched into a simple but really yummy meal.

I made us some green beans - I boiled fresh green beans for about 4 minutes, drained them, and mixed them with butter, fresh-ground pepper and lemon juice. They looked and tasted quite good, if I do say so myself.

I picked up some catfish nuggets at Safeway, dunked them in egg yoke and tossed them in a flour/lemon pepper/red pepper mix, then fried them in olive oil. Wine Guy mixed up a caesar salad, and I put him in charge of the rice.

At the end, after a mere 20 minutes, we had our meal. We ate it with some sparkling blueberry juice from Trader Joe's. Dessert was ice cream - mocha almond fudge for him, berry sherbert for me. Quite a yummy meal!

Now, it's time for bed, time to think about entering the world again after three full days off of work. Argh...

Valentine's Day should be interesting. Wine Guy came back from his adventures with his fellow Cakebread interns on Sunday night and said, "I need to figure out what the hell to do with you for Valentine's Day." Yeah...I'm excited, especially considering he thought it was on Thursday.

Four Years, Five Years Ago

Ice skating with Bonnie and Irene threw me back into a bit of nostalgia.

College was only four years, and, for me, it ended almost five years ago. I've been out longer than I was in, but college, and particularly the time I spent in AOII (perhaps mostly in the dining room), was so real. I didn't honestly feel that college was just a stepping stone, a waiting room on the way to the next thing. Although I would have done some things differently, had I the chance to do them again, I lived college.

I miss the smallness of my college world, the small circle of people who were impacted by my actions.

I've been telling Irene for about a month that everything feels so BIG now.

Going to the grocery store is BIG, because it means that I have to decide whether to drive over to the store by myself, on which day and what else won't get done because I go to Safeway. The grocery store in college? That was a treat! As in, who wants to go to the grocery store? I'm driving! All pile in! It was a field trip.

Getting gas is BIG. It turns out that my decision to get gas last night on the way home from work meant that I didn't see Wine Guy before he went to class. I didn't know he'd come home in between work and class, but he did, and he left at 6:30, about fifteen minutes after I ususally get home. A slight shift in my routine impacted someone else.

Last night, Irene said, "Everything seems so BIG now."

I said, "That's what I've been trying to say."

I didn't graduate college and step right into the real world. No, I think I rammed into the brick wall that is the real world after I got back from Boston, when I had to stop running away and start making decisions about my real life.

At the time, it felt like the running was the mature decision. Now I realize that sometimes standing still is the bravest thing.

Super Bowl Madness

Colts win 29-17 against the Bears.

Didn't know I cared that much about football?

Well...I do. I suppose. I care about the Super Bowl. It's a holiday in my house. Everyone must gather, eat Doritos and watch the commercials.

After 90 yard Bears touchdown in the first 14 seconds of the game, I thought the thing was all sewn up and wrapped in a pretty package to be handed over to the Bears, a team with a player named Booger. No comment.

I missed the next little bit of the game because I was making this:



It might look a little odd, but it was actually a rather tasty Spinach and Broccoli Rabe Torte. I heard about it on my favorite food blog Smitten Kitchen. Actually, that's a story about my brush with blog celebrity (blogebrity?). I commented on the blog, and Deb, the author, actually wrote back to directly to me with a link to the recipe...so I thought I had to try it. I'm glad I did, despite repeated calls from my mom, dad and Wine Guy to come sit down and watch the game.

The last couple of days have been sort of intense. I did get home from work on Friday and have a fight with Wine Guy. I actually started CRYING, and I don't cry in front of just anybody. I pride myself on keeping that wall up and not releasing the tears (despite how good a cry can sometimes feel). We worked it out. We realized that we have to actually TALK to each other, despite the fact that I'd rather crawl under a rock and pretend nothing's wrong.

My goal this week is to not have a fight, to not get mad at him. That doesn't mean pretending that nothing's wrong, that means keeping open lines of communication so that differences don't result in arguments.

The past couple of days have been incredibly eye opening. Wine Guy have A LOT in common, but our communication styles are hugely different. He even fights differently than I do. I like to spit out a couple of problems and then go do something else. He wants to sit down and talk about it. He'd rather be late for dinner than sit through dinner angry at each other. He makes me talk about things I'd rather just force away out of my system, and that's good. But he has to realize that once he opens up communication, he might not always like what I have to say.

Relationships are hard, and, Wine Guy is the first man in my dating history who I feel is worth all the hard work.

Soundtrack

My life has a soundtrack. The problem is that I rarely remember from day-to-day which are the songs that would be on that soundtrack at a given moment.

Then, this morning, I headed over to the gym to workout, walking from my apartment to the on-site work-out room, John Mayer's crooning from my iPod, and I realized that my soundtrack has taken on a more definite shape in the last few months.

So, the soundtrack of my life, at the moment, would include the following ten songs (simply in the order I think of them).

1. John Mayer - Bold as Love
2. Rachel Yamagata - 1963
3. Regina Spektor - That Time
4. The Fray - She Is
5. Avril Lavigne - Keep Holding On
6. Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah
7. Dreamgirls Soundtrack - I am Changing
8. Iron and Wine - Such Great Heights
9. Rachel Yamagata- Quiet
10. Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars

Now, this might change tomorrow, or stay the same for a month, there's no telling with me.

I've also got a particular fondness for Norah Jones at the moment. Her voice captures what's going on inside, particularly when I think about a certain boy I know...