New Year's Festivities

Yes!! It's Saturday, and though I have to work, I have much that makes me happy today. I had dinner with Monica last night - the first time I've seen her in a year. It's always almost magical to catch up with her! Mommy & Daddy are on their way for a getaway to Monterey (I think they'll have a blast). Tonight, Sarah & Irene will enjoy one of their famous evenings of DVD watching and talking non-stop (whoo-HOO!).

Tomorrow will be a good day. Here are three things that will happen:

1) I will be off from work (for three whole days!!).
2) I will retrieve Wine Guy from the airport (oh, my)
3) Wine Guy and I will have brunch with one of my best friends and her boyfriend.

I'm a bit nervous about number three. This particular friend is rather protective of me.

In other good news - the picture below was taken with my lovely new camera (thank you Mommy and Daddy!). I am SO pleased to have my Canon SD600. It takes pictures that aren't blurry! I won't feel on the verge of tears at clearly having lost of all of my photographic skills sometime in the last several months. Yay! One less thing to drive me crazy.

And lastly, I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am to pick up my boyfriend at the airport tomorrow. I just can't. So, I won't. And that speaks volumes.

The Society of Women in Relationships

So, it occurred to me a few weeks ago that there really is a "secret" club that women join when they are in a relationship. Even if the relationship breaks up, they remain members of this semi-exclusive club.

In my college years, I would fret that I was missing out on some part of being a woman by not being in a relationship. Knowing what I know now, I still believe that.

In the past several weeks, I have been told a lot of things that I never really understood prior to the start of my relationship with Wine Guy. Some of these things are, uhm, more physical than others, but women know what they are talking about, and they choose to let other women in on the secret from time to time.

Right now, with Wine Guy away and me whining about him not texting, not saying what I want on the phone and otherwise just not being mine, I need to hear what other women are telling me.

They are telling me to open up my eyes and realize what a decent, genuine, honorable man I have in my life. They are telling me that it's obvious by his actions and his words that he only wants to be with me. They are telling me that, although it sucks right now, once he's back on Sunday, things will be better again. They are telling me not to start my usual process of pushing someone away simply because he doesn't act exactly how I want him to act.

The Society of Women in Relationships can tell that Wine Guy is a good fit for me. And I am compelled to trust their authority, their combined hundreds of years of experience, on the subject.

Be Prepared for a Whine

So, here I go. Christmas was lovely. I did have a wonderful time with my parents - we opened presents, we watched movies, we laughed, we cried. It was beautiful.

But yesterday. December 26. Now, that was not an easy day. I feel like I was thrown right back into high school, where I was invisible and worthless. I know that I shouldn't let little things get me down. I also know, amazingly enough, that the whole world doesn't revolve around me...but just to give you a hint about how I felt yesterday, here are some things that happened:

1) I got gum on the bottom of my brand new shoes - shoes I had waited and waited and waited and waited to wear until just the right moment, beautiful crushed red velvet ballet flats...

2) I got my hair cut...and the annoying woman who cut my hair clearly doesn't believe that girls should have long hair, and that means that my hair is a good 2 inches shorter than I would have wanted. Oh, and she didn't freshen up my layers, so it's just this totally blah haircut that I'll have to get fixed later.

3) All material/appearance concerns aside, one of my so-called best friends cannot attend our Christmas get together because he has to attend his cousin's husband's four-year-old nephew's birthday party on Friday night. First of all, huh? Second of all, who has a four-year-old's birthday party on a Friday night? So, for the millionth time with this friend, I feel completely unimportant.

4) And, finally, Wine Guy. He's home in Oklahoma for the holidays, and I miss him like crazy. It doesn't help that when I called him yesterday morning, he started having a conversation with one of his friends instead of with me. It also doesn't help that he hasn't even sent "good night" text messages or anything to make me feel even remotely close to him while he's gone. I really feel like he's gone to Oklahoma and completely forgotten that he has a girlfriend back in California.

Okay, that's pretty much my whining. I know that it all sounds selfish and it all screams, "PAY ATTENTION TO ME," but it's all got me feeling rather irritated and anxious and impatient and ignored. And I don't like feeling any of these things...I'd rather just live my life and not be turned on "super-sensitive."

Here's hoping that the rest of the week is better!

Five Fabulous Facts About My Family's Festivities

1. Coming home.

2. Going to Midnight Mass and singing out Christmas Carols at the top of my off-key lungs along with the rest of the off-key Catholics.

3. Watching Mommy's face when she opened the BIG gift from Daddy...and just watching them as they opened presents from each other. There was something different between them this year, and I have to say that I think it's been good for their relationship that I moved out this year.

4. Knowing that my mom and I both kept trying to buy my dad the same gifts, even though we didn't actually go shopping together.

5. Watching Dreamgirls on opening day in a theater packed with interesting people who burst into applause during Effie's big solo song.

6. Turning on my phone on Christmas morning and hearing a message from Wine Guy that ended in him saying, "I miss you" (okay, so that's more than 5 and not specifically about my family, but it's fabulous nonetheless).

Holiday Madness

Oh, it is with a HUGE sigh of relief that I can officially announce that I am ALL DONE with my Christmas shopping. That said, I actually had a grand time running around the shops yesterday afternoon. I feel that the gifts I purchased are perfect fits for the intended recipients. Every year, I *think* I'm done, and every year, I find myself at stores, buying a few last minute things. That means that I drive myself crazy from roughly November 1 through December 23, constantly teasing myself, telling myself that *this* is going to be the day I finish shopping.

It never is.

So, and you all can hold me to this next year, I hereby promise that next year, I'm going to do my official shopping in December. I'll take a couple of days and do it all. I don't kid myself that I won't run out to buy a few last things, but at least I won't experience that long, drawn out agony of thinking I'm done in November only to start panicking on December 10 when I go to take inventory of my purchases.

And it is also with a huge sigh of relief that I embrace the actual holidays and the end of the holiday "season." I have a feeling that life will be much better for me after January 1. Heck, even now that shopping's done, it feels better.

Since November, people who previously held a high-high-high-high spot on my "time-spent-with" list have had to suffer the consequences of my getting an apartment and of my actually commiting to the relationship with Wine Guy (instead of fitting it in at my convenience). In addition to those two big changes, I've been struggling to buy Christmas presents, host a potluck and otherwise engage in holiday festivities...

In other words: I have had NO TIME for a lot of the people who are most important to me. I can't apologize for there not being enough time in a day, because, thankfully, I'm not in charge of determining the number of seconds in a minute. I am, however, in charge of how I choose to spend my time. Now that the crazy, overachieving holidays are passing by, I will make an effort to be more aware of the needs of those around me.

And to start us off, I'll be home for Christmas!

The Christmas Post

So, Christmas is a mere FOUR DAYS away. My presents are still unwrapped (how did this HAPPEN?), and I'm not entirely convinced I'm done shopping.

BUT

I have baked.

And, so, I leave you with a tasty little image:



Wine Guy leaves for Okalahoma on Sunday, and I won't see him again until New Year's Eve. I'm preparing myself for a simultaneously wonderful week with my family and horrendously painful week of missing him.

MERRY CHRISTMAS! No, seriously, I mean that!

Books

Okay, so I read a quote yesterday that said that some university's library was going to move most of the books out of the study areas, because, and I quote, "students don't like to be surrounded by books."

That's when I realized two things:

1) I was made for my job
2) I, apparently, am a freak

Here's the thing, I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE to be surrounded by books and always assumed that others feel the same way. How can you study and not feel better when surrounded by a comforting wall of books? How can you do research in a library and not feel immediately smarter, just for knowing that so much knowledge is within your grasp?

Being surrounded by books, whether new and fresh smelling, or ancient and dusty, is one of my favorite ways to spend a few hours, to while away time.

As a matter of fact, when I returned to my little apartment last night, ready to finish up some last Christmas details, what I really wanted to do, was crawl into my warm bed, surround myself with books, and read all night. But you'll be proud to know that I did not give into my impulse...I did my work, and I got to sleep at a decent hour...oh, but the temptation was strong.

To not want to be surrounded by books? I fail to comprehend how this is possible.

One of Those Mushy Posts...

(that seems to happen more and more often these days)

So, most people involved in my life in any way probably can see how much I feel for Wine Guy (although I might not bare my soul quite as clearly here).

After this weekend, and the conversations we had, I just feel even more that I am so lucky to have found him. I honestly believe that God put us both on Match.com and made sure that we met.

He told me yesterday that he's only ever liked one girl who liked him first, otherwise, he's always done the approaching. When I signed up for my most recent round of Match.com, I decided not to make any first contact, so he is the one who found me - a good move, apparently.

Wine Guy also told me about his failed crushes and miserable high school romantic experiences...and I finally felt like I was getting to know who he was before he "grew up" and became the outgoing, sparkling man I know. He thinks I don't ask any questions, that I don't want to know about his life, but I think it's better to let him tell me when he's ready. And the hour long story he told me last night was worth the wait.

I told him a little bit about my experiences in middle school, and he just hugged me, sighed and said, "We have a lot in common."

He continues to be amazed by how much we share, even silly little things like adoring the movie Edward Scissorhands and enjoying vampire movies (Blade, Underworld, etc.). And beyond the silly little things are the major emotional things like how we were treated by the opposite gender when we were younger, how we tend to get misjudged at first glance (though not necessarily in a bad way).

We're like a matched set, he and I.

And amazingly enough, that doesn't scare me in the least.

Three Amazing Things

Three amazing things about this weekend (so far).

1) Wearing a swirly, twirly, shiny dress to a fancy, schmanzy dinner in a castle that reminded me of Hogwarts and seeing my boyfriend's eyes light up as I smiled and walked into the room and into his arms and having my own eyes light up seeing Wine Guy looking beyond handsome in his blue shirt and snazzy tie.

2) Sitting at a dinner table, carrying on quite enjoyable conversation with people I've never met, feeling Wine Guy's eyes on me as I socialized, laughed and smiled.

3) Today, wearing his sweatshirt to work, feeling like I'm walking around with him giving me a hug.

And, say it with me folks, "Ahhhhhhhhhh".

Buzz

On Saturday, I had a combination birthday party/game night/housewarming.

It was very nice.

There was that incredible sound that I love - the pleasant buzz of conversation that just floats through the air when people are having a good time. This year, I've gotten to hear that at TWO parties I hosted. Two! That's a big deal for me.

I did take a moment to just lean back on the couch and listen to the buzz.

I couldn't make out the individual words, decipher the individual conversations. No, I could only hear that buzz of people having a nice time, that warm buzz that fills the air.

People ate. People talked. People played games.

I saw people I hadn't seen in months. I saw people I see every week. I saw someone I see basically every day.

I was warm and fuzzy and happy.

I closed the door after the very last guest, turned around, and there was Wine Guy.

"We had people over!" He said and gave me a big hug.

Yes. We. Did.

And For Woman

Gentle woman, quiet light, morning star, so strong and bright, gentle Mother, peaceful dove, teach us wisdom; teach us love.

Today is quite possibly my favorite of the holy days of obligation: The Feast of the Immaculate Conception.

I was lucky enough to get a bit of time of work and be able to join Mommy at 9 o'clock mass, and as always, I feel complete after attending mass.

To anyone who says that the Catholic Church is anti-woman, I say, "Attend one of Mary's feast days, just one, and then say that again."

The Church holds women in the highest regard possible. Mary is the MOTHER OF GOD. You can't get much higher up than that.

You were chosen by the Father; you were chosen for the Son. You were chosen from all women and for woman, shining one.

The song brings up thoughts of what it means to be a mother. Are our children chosen for us for a particular reason? Yes, I believe so. And Mary, a strong, gentle woman, was chosen to be the Mother of God.

I love, though, that she questioned the Angel Gabriel when he brought her God's word. She said, "But I've never had relations with a man, how is it possible for me to have a child?"

Although she did say, "Let it be done to me," and accept God's will for her life, at first, she was rather confused. She didn't just blindly say, "Okay, whatever." She wanted to know how it was possible. And that reassures me that God will let me have a moment to work out in my mind how a certain thing is possible, how it is that I have come to this place in my life.

I have always felt specially protected by the Blessed Virgin Mary. She is my mother and my friend. She is a guiding light when I stop to think about what it means to be a girlfriend and eventually a wife and a mother. She had a wonderful husband in Joseph, but even he balked at God's plan. She accepted God's plan for her, regardless of how her husband would react. She didn't say, "But my fiance won't like it." She put GOD first.

Over the past year or so, I have struggled with what it means to be a girlfriend and remain wholely myself. It is impossible to be in a relationship and remain unchanged, but Mary shows us that our fundamental beliefs, our foundational values, do not change simply because there's a man involved.

Mary would have been a single, divorced mother, living in a time when that could result in her being stoned to death. But she was willing to accept the consequences of God's plan for her.

Am I?

Blessed are you among women, blest in turn all women, too. Blessed they with peaceful spirits. Blessed they with gentle hearts.

Changes

So, I truly believed that I was the type of woman who would not change at all when she got into a relationship. Turns out that's not true.

It turns out that my past relationships really weren't relationships, possibly because I didn't let them become relationships.

I'm realizing more and more that being in a true relationship does call for changes - from both people. I'm noticing things in myself, some good, some bad, that have changed in the course of my time with Wine Guy.

1) Overbooking/Magic Sarah Time. I still have a tendency to have grand plans that can only be accomplished through no sleep and much stress, but Wine Guy knows that means he will have to deal with my stressed out self, so he attempts to talk me out of taking on too much. The other day, he actually said, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy, and Mama, in this case, is you."

2) Questioning everything. My natural predelection is to ask a lot of questions. I can come off as either inquisitive or jealous and crazy, depending on the situation. I don't ask Wine Guy a lot of questions, because I realize that most of what I want to know would come off as needy. I think that I need to turn my questions on a little bit more, but for the most part, this is a good change.

3) Being stubborn about getting my way. Wine Guy probably thinks I'm a push-over, because he tends to get his way with things...but here's the thing, I don't disagree with his way, and if I do, I say something. Last night, he drove HIS car to run errands, despite having to give up a good parking spot. I did NOT want to drive. So, there, see, I still get my way.

I'm realizing, much to my relief, as I write this, that I haven't changed my fundamental personality. I'm different, because I'm happy. I'm less stubborn and more accomodating, because I have no reason to complain.

So, I'm not the kind of woman who's different when she's in a relationship. I'm the kind of woman who's different when she's happy.

What Happened in Vegas

Vegas was a whirlwind.

We arrived after midnight on Friday, got to the meeting place for the wedding at eleven in the morning on Saturday and caught a flight out on Sunday evening.

The wedding took only 13 minutes. The bride and groom both cried. Wine Guy had his arm around me.

Everyone kept saying that this wedding, this really simple wedding in Vegas with less than 20 people in attendance, was "just what they wanted." I, of course, just kept thinking, "13 minutes? Ohh, hahaaahaa, 13 minutes? Yeah, Catholic wedding for me! Try 2 hours!!"

But the couple did look happy. They just bought a house, so there lives are really getting off the ground.

That might have freaked out Wine Guy.

I was talking to his step-mom and step-sister (AKA the bride), and she told me, "It's okay, I'm an 'older woman,' too. My husband is 26, and I'm 28." That's the same difference as between Wine Guy and me, and I could see him sort of shifting in his seat, feeling mildly uncomfortable, hoping I don't have those exact expectations...but I kind of do. Twenty-eight is a good age to get married.

At one point, late in the evening, after everyone had changed out of their finery and Oklahoma and Cal had both won their games (Go Sooners! Go Bears!), Wine Guy's step-mom pulled me aside to find out more about me. Mostly, the conversation consisted of her telling me what a nice, nice guy Wine Guy is and that "if he's anything like his father, he's a good man."

And did I forget to mention the rodeo was in town?

Yes, apparently the entire states of Texas and Oklahoma emptied out over the weekend, and all of the residents were in Las Vegas. I have never seen so many cowboy hats and tight jeans in my entire life. And that was just the men.

Anyway, the weekend was surreal. I met my boyfriend's family at a 13 minute Las Vegas wedding, was 1300 feet up in the air on top of the Stratosphere at 1 o'clock in the morning and really did run into a few walls.

Top quotes heard over the weekend:

Gondolier overheard at the Venetian, "I'm European, so I don't mind..."

A woman who refused to honor her husband's request to bang on the giant ornaments at Bellagio, "This is NOT a musical."

Random Michigan woman who attended the wedding and sat next to me at dinner, "I never knew there was that much variety in shape, size, color and girth. I'm talking about buttplugs. Oh, I'm sorry. You look shocked. I forgot. You're just a librarian."

Two-tone (her hair is naturally half blond-half brunette), the step-cousin with stories, "I get touchy when I drink wine. But not touchy with girls. Touchy with guys. I call up old boyfriends."

Wine Guy's sister, "Hey, hey. I like wine now. I didn't before, but I drank enough of it that it's okay now. So, buy me some nice wine, okay?"

and later, "I like boxed wine."

Wine Guy, "Let's time the wedding!"

Delirious

Vegas.

Ah. Vegas.

Suffice it to say "The Librarian"* and the "Really Nice Guy"* had a blast.

Well, the Librarian had a blast while being consistently underfed, underslept and thirsty.

The Really Nice Guy had a blast making sure the Librarian didn't run into any walls.

It's a good thing the Librarian doesn't drink.

*terms Wine Guy's family used to describe us both. I understand now what he means about his family thinking he is a goody two shoes.

Traveling!?!

Remember this, from way back in October?

He invited me to a wedding. In December. In Las Vegas.

Well, that's THIS weekend.

We leave tonight for a weekend in Vegas.

I meet his family tomorrow (well, at least part of his family)!

Yikes! Squeel! Eeep!

At least we're heading off on this trip with the air cleared somewhat. Basically, the answer to all of my questions was, "I don't know." But I did ask him to keep me in the loop, and he now understands that I want to be included in that part of his life.

So, clear air.

But still!

YIKES! Squeel! EEEEEP!