It's all about the waiting game right now.
* Waiting for my graduation to show up on my transcript
* Waiting for the job I'd love to have to actually open
* Waiting for the right time to not make a move but kind of make a move on the guy I kind of like
* Waiting for the best price on an airline ticket to go visit my grandma (I have to fly to Vegas, pay travel to Vegas prices but spend the entire trip in the suburbs of Arizona)
And, as luck would have it, I can't just run into Target and buy myself a bag of patience. It's virtue I've got to develop all on my own.
Okay, okay, I know that of the things I'm waiting to do, waiting to make a "move" on a guy is probably the most interesting to other people.
Do you remember my random post about Sort-of-Cute-Guy (aka The Guy I Should Be Dating) way back in January. Well, it turns out that he no longer has a girlfriend, and that this was his decision. According to his mom (yes, I know, be wary of the mom trying to set her son up), he said, "Don't play matchmaker...but I like Sarah." Now, I have not ASKED for any of this. His mother has taken it upon herself to try to pair the two of us up by dropping handy little hints about his single status, and I happen to think it's a dandy idea, but it's going to happen it's own time.
Luckily, I had a talk with one of my far-away friends yesterday, and she offered some great advice on how to handle the situation (I'll divulge that method should it actually work). It was just what I needed to hear, and she said, "This is WHY you have older and wiser friends. I've been through this before, and I'm here to help you." Ahh, wisdom, what a priceless thing.
I wonder if I can pick up some at Target.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Monday, May 29, 2006
I Graduated!
Although it seemed for a long time that this whole grad school thing was just another of my crazy, not-too-well-thought-out plans, it seems that I actually do get to finish my graduate degree, and so I did!
This weekend I graduated, and here are the pictures to prove it!
This weekend I graduated, and here are the pictures to prove it!
Friday, May 26, 2006
Ceremonies and Circumstance
Last night, at just before 10 p.m. (aka almost my bedtime), I remembered that I needed to start packing for my one night out of town. My parents and I are staying the night in SJ tonight, the day before my graduation, in order to avoid the ridiculous amounts of traffic (up to 20,000 cars) that I saw predicted online.
It turns out that all week I've been forgetting this small detail. Did I print out directions? No. Did I print out the hotel reservation? No. How early do I usually back before a weekend excursion? Oh, two or three days.
As I ran around between my bedroom and bathroom, trying to think about what one might need for a graduation ceremony, I realized that I really haven't given the graduation ceremony much thought. Sure, I ordered my regalia the first day it became available, but only because there was a discount on the price and I worried that I would forget. It turns out that I knew myself only too well!
I think that this graduation ceremony seems less memorable for a few reasons:
1) In high school and in undergrad, all of my friends were graduating too, so we were all running around preparing. In high school, this meant an insane amount of practicing walking down the stairs at the direction of our teachers (although what walking down stairs in a plaid uniform skirt and sturdy brown shoes has in common with walking in a graduation gown and high heels, I'll never know). In college, it meant sharing the cost of renting a gown (thanks, Erica), going to the student store together to order announcements and other fun stuff. I'm pretty much alone in the preparation for this ceremony and didn't even send out announcements.
2) I have to have this degree in order to enter my chosen profession. So, I don't feel "special" because of it. It's like an initiation - everyone has to go through cataloging (which was actually rather fun, in a crazy sort of way) before they can plan programs for kids.
3) To me, the best part of graduation was turning in my last assignment and no longer having homework.
4) My party isn't for a couple of weeks!
Still and all, I'm excited about graduating, and as long as I remember to show up tomorrow to get "hooded" (that also sounds like some sort of bizarre initiation ritual), I'll be alright :).
It turns out that all week I've been forgetting this small detail. Did I print out directions? No. Did I print out the hotel reservation? No. How early do I usually back before a weekend excursion? Oh, two or three days.
As I ran around between my bedroom and bathroom, trying to think about what one might need for a graduation ceremony, I realized that I really haven't given the graduation ceremony much thought. Sure, I ordered my regalia the first day it became available, but only because there was a discount on the price and I worried that I would forget. It turns out that I knew myself only too well!
I think that this graduation ceremony seems less memorable for a few reasons:
1) In high school and in undergrad, all of my friends were graduating too, so we were all running around preparing. In high school, this meant an insane amount of practicing walking down the stairs at the direction of our teachers (although what walking down stairs in a plaid uniform skirt and sturdy brown shoes has in common with walking in a graduation gown and high heels, I'll never know). In college, it meant sharing the cost of renting a gown (thanks, Erica), going to the student store together to order announcements and other fun stuff. I'm pretty much alone in the preparation for this ceremony and didn't even send out announcements.
2) I have to have this degree in order to enter my chosen profession. So, I don't feel "special" because of it. It's like an initiation - everyone has to go through cataloging (which was actually rather fun, in a crazy sort of way) before they can plan programs for kids.
3) To me, the best part of graduation was turning in my last assignment and no longer having homework.
4) My party isn't for a couple of weeks!
Still and all, I'm excited about graduating, and as long as I remember to show up tomorrow to get "hooded" (that also sounds like some sort of bizarre initiation ritual), I'll be alright :).
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Changes in Life and Blogs
There's a new title to this blog!
Why?
Well, although at 25, I still feel pretty much like I'm at that "Quarter Life" stage, and although I'm forever a drama queen, I no longer feel like I'm in crisis. So, I've moved on to a slightly cheerier title (the name of my new favorite weekday breakfast).
I hope you'll join me in my crisis-free but never boring world!
Please stick with me as I make some other updates and hopefully make the blog more reader-friendly. I'm experimenting with new (to me) blog technology and have to work out all of the little kinks before it looks as spiffy as I'd like.
Why?
Well, although at 25, I still feel pretty much like I'm at that "Quarter Life" stage, and although I'm forever a drama queen, I no longer feel like I'm in crisis. So, I've moved on to a slightly cheerier title (the name of my new favorite weekday breakfast).
I hope you'll join me in my crisis-free but never boring world!
Please stick with me as I make some other updates and hopefully make the blog more reader-friendly. I'm experimenting with new (to me) blog technology and have to work out all of the little kinks before it looks as spiffy as I'd like.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
What Next?
Here's the thing about me: I am difficult to please and difficult to keep entertained.
Translation: I've (almost) graduated and am now (easily) bored.
So, I'm trying to devote some of my newfound energy into developing a "hobby." I realized yesterday that for the last, oh, I don't know, 20 years, my hobby has been school. I've worried about, thought about and lived off of doing well in school. I've written papers, read books, yelled at the computer for freezing mid-term paper in high school. It's a scary thought to realize that now I don't have school.
Now, I'm not talking about going back to school for a Ph.D. or a second master's (at least not yet), but I do have to seriously sit and think about what I want to do with my spare time (no quotes, because it's actually spare).
I have my interests. I do enjoy photography, writing short stories, cooking, baking, spending time with friends and family. But for the last four months, anyway, my main mode of in-house entertainment when I wasn't actively engaged working on homework, was American Idol. And American Idol ends tonight. Ha! What will I do then?
For the last several years, I've thought on and off about figuring out how to build a Black and White photo lab in my house. I started to think more seriously about it over the weekend. I even investigated what I would need to buy, where I could buy it and how much it would cost. The answers, in order: A whole lot of stuff, including dangerous chemicals, mostly online but possibly in Berkeley, and A LOT. As I considered forking over six hundred, if not a thousand, dollars, I remembered the piano lessons fiasco of 1991.
My whole life, well, up to age 11, anyway, whenever we went to my grandma's house, I'd play the piano. I'd bang out chopsticks or the opening bars of "Edelweiss," sing loudly at the top of my lungs and otherwise entertain (annoy) my relatives. For Christmas in 1991, my grandmother finally decided to do something about my piano skills and offered me piano lessons as a gift. I was SO excited. Finally, I would be able to do more than fiddle around on the piano...I would ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING.
Since I didn't want to be at my grandma's every day to practice, my parents rented a piano from the local music store. I was told that I would need to practice for fifteen minutes a day. FIFTEEN MINUTES. That's nothing, right? I started lessons. The teacher was mean. I persisted and knew that I could get better. I was going to play a real song, all the way through. I was going to compose my own music. I was going to play in Carnegie Hall! I would be the best pianist ever to have come out of Northern California!
And then, I didn't practice.
I complained about the teacher.
I preferred NOT knowing what I was doing and just wanted to make noise on the piano keys.
Ask me how long this whole thing lasted.
Six months.
SIX. MONTHS.
Ask me how long it's been since I fooled around on a piano.
FOURTEEN YEARS.
Now tell me it would be a good idea to invest in a photo lab.
Translation: I've (almost) graduated and am now (easily) bored.
So, I'm trying to devote some of my newfound energy into developing a "hobby." I realized yesterday that for the last, oh, I don't know, 20 years, my hobby has been school. I've worried about, thought about and lived off of doing well in school. I've written papers, read books, yelled at the computer for freezing mid-term paper in high school. It's a scary thought to realize that now I don't have school.
Now, I'm not talking about going back to school for a Ph.D. or a second master's (at least not yet), but I do have to seriously sit and think about what I want to do with my spare time (no quotes, because it's actually spare).
I have my interests. I do enjoy photography, writing short stories, cooking, baking, spending time with friends and family. But for the last four months, anyway, my main mode of in-house entertainment when I wasn't actively engaged working on homework, was American Idol. And American Idol ends tonight. Ha! What will I do then?
For the last several years, I've thought on and off about figuring out how to build a Black and White photo lab in my house. I started to think more seriously about it over the weekend. I even investigated what I would need to buy, where I could buy it and how much it would cost. The answers, in order: A whole lot of stuff, including dangerous chemicals, mostly online but possibly in Berkeley, and A LOT. As I considered forking over six hundred, if not a thousand, dollars, I remembered the piano lessons fiasco of 1991.
My whole life, well, up to age 11, anyway, whenever we went to my grandma's house, I'd play the piano. I'd bang out chopsticks or the opening bars of "Edelweiss," sing loudly at the top of my lungs and otherwise entertain (annoy) my relatives. For Christmas in 1991, my grandmother finally decided to do something about my piano skills and offered me piano lessons as a gift. I was SO excited. Finally, I would be able to do more than fiddle around on the piano...I would ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING.
Since I didn't want to be at my grandma's every day to practice, my parents rented a piano from the local music store. I was told that I would need to practice for fifteen minutes a day. FIFTEEN MINUTES. That's nothing, right? I started lessons. The teacher was mean. I persisted and knew that I could get better. I was going to play a real song, all the way through. I was going to compose my own music. I was going to play in Carnegie Hall! I would be the best pianist ever to have come out of Northern California!
And then, I didn't practice.
I complained about the teacher.
I preferred NOT knowing what I was doing and just wanted to make noise on the piano keys.
Ask me how long this whole thing lasted.
Six months.
SIX. MONTHS.
Ask me how long it's been since I fooled around on a piano.
FOURTEEN YEARS.
Now tell me it would be a good idea to invest in a photo lab.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
The Blogosphere
I don't actually know how many random people read my blog. I have it in my head that it's the friends and family who say things like, "Hey, I read on your blog that you..." more than anyone else, and that's JUST FINE with me.
There are a couple of blogs that I read which are written by people I don't know at all. The ones on ivillage don't make me feel like I'm invading people's personal space, because ivillage sort of markets the blogs and encourages people to read them. These bloggers become quasi-celebrities to me, and I think you all know how I feel about celebrities.
I'm realizing how angry or frustrated a lot of other bloggers are, and I'm trying to get that out of my system, and I won't go browsing through various links that lead to new blogs (although I'm digging Crafster) and will stick to reading just the couple that seem somewhat pre-approved.
In other news, my iPod is alive and well. After setting it aside in January with shouts of, "I don't have time to deal with iTunes!!," it's back in almost-full action. I've transferred my precious collection of carefully cultivated songs from my odd little cd collection onto my laptop and even successfully added some new ones. I was pleased at myself for being able to rip from the iPod to the laptop...but I still have issues with iTunes.
iTunes is an interesting piece of software that holds a lot of potential for patient people, but these are my main problems:
1) It takes up WAY too much memory and is slowing my previously lightning quick computer down to more of light jog
2) It doesn't work well with Windows. Most of the time iTunes will see my iPod...but not always..and this whole problem started when iTunes decided to delete every single song I had in my "library." For the last five months, I've been terrified of plugging my iPod into the computer and having all of those songs deleted, too.
3) iTunes confused me enough that I was willing to live with the songs I had added up to that point and just not add anything new
It's not iTunes' fault, but I am "me" and that the thought of not being able to add new songs made me annoyed enough that I just shoved the iPod into a desk drawer and didn't think about it until this weekend.
And so, my little iPod is back, and I happily enjoyed a short work out while listening to Gavin DeGraw's, "Charity," Yolanda Adams', "Victory," and Faith Hill's, "Fireflies." I told you it was a short workout.
To tie this all together, if there are any random people who read this blog - or if any of my friends know the answer - can someone please tell me how to stop iTunes from taking up so much memory on my computer? Is there another software that will work with my iPod that, perhaps, won't take over the laptop?
There are a couple of blogs that I read which are written by people I don't know at all. The ones on ivillage don't make me feel like I'm invading people's personal space, because ivillage sort of markets the blogs and encourages people to read them. These bloggers become quasi-celebrities to me, and I think you all know how I feel about celebrities.
I'm realizing how angry or frustrated a lot of other bloggers are, and I'm trying to get that out of my system, and I won't go browsing through various links that lead to new blogs (although I'm digging Crafster) and will stick to reading just the couple that seem somewhat pre-approved.
In other news, my iPod is alive and well. After setting it aside in January with shouts of, "I don't have time to deal with iTunes!!," it's back in almost-full action. I've transferred my precious collection of carefully cultivated songs from my odd little cd collection onto my laptop and even successfully added some new ones. I was pleased at myself for being able to rip from the iPod to the laptop...but I still have issues with iTunes.
iTunes is an interesting piece of software that holds a lot of potential for patient people, but these are my main problems:
1) It takes up WAY too much memory and is slowing my previously lightning quick computer down to more of light jog
2) It doesn't work well with Windows. Most of the time iTunes will see my iPod...but not always..and this whole problem started when iTunes decided to delete every single song I had in my "library." For the last five months, I've been terrified of plugging my iPod into the computer and having all of those songs deleted, too.
3) iTunes confused me enough that I was willing to live with the songs I had added up to that point and just not add anything new
It's not iTunes' fault, but I am "me" and that the thought of not being able to add new songs made me annoyed enough that I just shoved the iPod into a desk drawer and didn't think about it until this weekend.
And so, my little iPod is back, and I happily enjoyed a short work out while listening to Gavin DeGraw's, "Charity," Yolanda Adams', "Victory," and Faith Hill's, "Fireflies." I told you it was a short workout.
To tie this all together, if there are any random people who read this blog - or if any of my friends know the answer - can someone please tell me how to stop iTunes from taking up so much memory on my computer? Is there another software that will work with my iPod that, perhaps, won't take over the laptop?
Sunday, May 21, 2006
War of the Roses
This weekend I finally got out in the yard. In other words, I got in a fight with the rose bushes, and I think I won :). I found some beautiful, perfect roses amidst all of the sort-of-going-wild new growth. All of the thorn-pricks were worth it, I guess.
I also have to include this little picture of JJ, since she was trying so hard to be helpful as I gardened (as she put her little head under my arm as I tried to clip dried flowers...).
I also have to include this little picture of JJ, since she was trying so hard to be helpful as I gardened (as she put her little head under my arm as I tried to clip dried flowers...).
Friday, May 19, 2006
The Good Life
I've been doing some thinking, some talking and some reading, and I've come to realize that in my life, and especially in my writing, I tend to concentrate on the negative and complain A LOT about what I don't have.
I make fun of people who really are just trying to be nice (though that still doesn't mean that I have to date them), and I certainly come across as a-hard-to-please-diva (well, I AM a princess, but that doesn't mean I have to be ridiculous and never happy).
In all honesty, and as I was telling my mom when we had our lovely Mother's Day lunch in the city (pictures to come soon, I promise), I AM happy. My whole life isn't all sorted out, and I may not have many of the answers I want (hey, it's a slow process to come around to mostly recognizing the positive), but I AM happy. I won't list everything wonderful that I have in my life, but suffice it to say that a life filled with family and friends is a good life.
Because of an assortment of experiences from my childhood (I'm sure you can imagine them, because really, 90% of little girls had the same ones), I take it so personally when someone says, "No." Uh, wake up, Sarah, the world doesn't revolve around you! Logically, I know that rejection doesn't usually have to do with me as a person, but in that place where I'm still a 9 year-old girl whose best friend just "dumped" her for the class bad-girl, it hurts. But here's a fabulously positive thing: I'm not 9, and I have enormously wonderful friends who will stick by me and not choose to ignore me at lunch so they can talk to the girl who talks to the boys.
Yesterday, I went to the farmer's market and got strawberries (well, my mom bought strawberries, and she let me take some - thank you, Mommy) and brought them into work. I distributed the strawberries and one of my wellness challenge team members kidded me for being so gung-ho about getting people to eat their fruits and veggies.
Me: I don't think it's such a bad thing to "push" fruits and veggies.
Her: No, and you do it in a nice way.
Me: Thank you!
Her: You're going to make a great mom!
Me: THANK YOU!
That was JUST what I needed yesterday.
p.s. I was randomly reading some of my past postings (note to self: don't do that again), and I realized how ANGRY I was way back in 2002. I really get why I chucked everything and went to Boston...and I get why people weren't exactly being friendly with me at that point - Who would WANT to be friends with someone like that?! Good Lord! First, I apologize on behalf of my very angry, younger self. I couldn't see the world around me, just my own little angry space. Hopefully, I've gotten (am getting) better at realizing there are more people in the world than me. So, THANK YOU to all who stuck it through with me. I'm so grateful!
I make fun of people who really are just trying to be nice (though that still doesn't mean that I have to date them), and I certainly come across as a-hard-to-please-diva (well, I AM a princess, but that doesn't mean I have to be ridiculous and never happy).
In all honesty, and as I was telling my mom when we had our lovely Mother's Day lunch in the city (pictures to come soon, I promise), I AM happy. My whole life isn't all sorted out, and I may not have many of the answers I want (hey, it's a slow process to come around to mostly recognizing the positive), but I AM happy. I won't list everything wonderful that I have in my life, but suffice it to say that a life filled with family and friends is a good life.
Because of an assortment of experiences from my childhood (I'm sure you can imagine them, because really, 90% of little girls had the same ones), I take it so personally when someone says, "No." Uh, wake up, Sarah, the world doesn't revolve around you! Logically, I know that rejection doesn't usually have to do with me as a person, but in that place where I'm still a 9 year-old girl whose best friend just "dumped" her for the class bad-girl, it hurts. But here's a fabulously positive thing: I'm not 9, and I have enormously wonderful friends who will stick by me and not choose to ignore me at lunch so they can talk to the girl who talks to the boys.
Yesterday, I went to the farmer's market and got strawberries (well, my mom bought strawberries, and she let me take some - thank you, Mommy) and brought them into work. I distributed the strawberries and one of my wellness challenge team members kidded me for being so gung-ho about getting people to eat their fruits and veggies.
Me: I don't think it's such a bad thing to "push" fruits and veggies.
Her: No, and you do it in a nice way.
Me: Thank you!
Her: You're going to make a great mom!
Me: THANK YOU!
That was JUST what I needed yesterday.
p.s. I was randomly reading some of my past postings (note to self: don't do that again), and I realized how ANGRY I was way back in 2002. I really get why I chucked everything and went to Boston...and I get why people weren't exactly being friendly with me at that point - Who would WANT to be friends with someone like that?! Good Lord! First, I apologize on behalf of my very angry, younger self. I couldn't see the world around me, just my own little angry space. Hopefully, I've gotten (am getting) better at realizing there are more people in the world than me. So, THANK YOU to all who stuck it through with me. I'm so grateful!
Thursday, May 18, 2006
I had to borrow from one of my recent e-mails to a friend, because I feel the constant need to prove that the boys I encounter are slightly weirder than others.
I figure that at some point, I'll get to date someone I'm wildly attracted to and who actually treats me decently and doesn't jump to huge conclusions about my personality that make absolutely no sense.
On a recent outing (it was a non-date that became a date and has now become a non-date again...I'm confused but really not disappointed), I was walking around the cookbook section in Barnes and Noble with this guy.
I mentioned that I like Rachael Ray, and the conversation became this:
Him: "Oh, I bet you watch her show."
Me: "Sometimes, but not really."
Him: "Hey, I know you, you would probably miss a meeting at work to watch her show."
Me: "Uh, what?"
Him: "Never mind."
Me: "No, seriously, I don't get it..."
Him: "Just that you really like to watch the cooking channel and would probably call in sick or something to miss a meeting so that you could watch it..."
All the time, I'm thinking, You "know" me?! Huh? I just said that I don't really watch the show...how exactly does that translate to skipping work to watch it?
And finally, everyone who knows me knows that I do not have the attention span required to watch an entire episode of any show on the cooking channel...or most anything on any other channel. And why, oh why, would I waste precious sick leave?
Anyway, I'll hear in response, "Well, he was just trying to make conversation," or other things along those lines. I know I'm judgmental, and I know that I might seem too hard on guys, but it's not like all of these hard, sarcastic comments come out of my mouth during the conversation...
So, here's to hoping that someday, I'll go on a date with someone who doesn't try so hard to figure me out from the get-go. As another non-date said, "You're an interesting blend of Academia, Catholic, and that pseudo-hippy upbringing. You're kind of hard to peg." Exactly.
I figure that at some point, I'll get to date someone I'm wildly attracted to and who actually treats me decently and doesn't jump to huge conclusions about my personality that make absolutely no sense.
On a recent outing (it was a non-date that became a date and has now become a non-date again...I'm confused but really not disappointed), I was walking around the cookbook section in Barnes and Noble with this guy.
I mentioned that I like Rachael Ray, and the conversation became this:
Him: "Oh, I bet you watch her show."
Me: "Sometimes, but not really."
Him: "Hey, I know you, you would probably miss a meeting at work to watch her show."
Me: "Uh, what?"
Him: "Never mind."
Me: "No, seriously, I don't get it..."
Him: "Just that you really like to watch the cooking channel and would probably call in sick or something to miss a meeting so that you could watch it..."
All the time, I'm thinking, You "know" me?! Huh? I just said that I don't really watch the show...how exactly does that translate to skipping work to watch it?
And finally, everyone who knows me knows that I do not have the attention span required to watch an entire episode of any show on the cooking channel...or most anything on any other channel. And why, oh why, would I waste precious sick leave?
Anyway, I'll hear in response, "Well, he was just trying to make conversation," or other things along those lines. I know I'm judgmental, and I know that I might seem too hard on guys, but it's not like all of these hard, sarcastic comments come out of my mouth during the conversation...
So, here's to hoping that someday, I'll go on a date with someone who doesn't try so hard to figure me out from the get-go. As another non-date said, "You're an interesting blend of Academia, Catholic, and that pseudo-hippy upbringing. You're kind of hard to peg." Exactly.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Non-Desperate Future Out-of-the-House-Wife
So, here's the question, does actually wanting to get married and have children hurt my chances of finding a decent boyfriend?
I am much less in "need" of a boyfriend than I was, say, a year ago, but I still very much want to become a wife and mother. I cannot remember a time in my life when I didn't want to "grow up and be a mommy." What's wrong with that?
We can say we want to be doctors, lawyers, teachers, writers, librarians, psychologists, activists, actors, singers, dancers and pretty much anything else, but if women say they want to be mothers, men protect their best swimmers and run the other way. Why is that?
As soon as a guy learns that I want kids, he starts thinking that I plan to peg him down and immediately start reproducing. And there are a wacky few who are disappointed when that's not what I want.
The fact is, I want just as real, and just as slow-to-develop, a relationship as someone who may never want to marry and have kids. I'm not desperate, but I think that whether or not I intend to, I might come across that way.
That's probably how I got myself in the situation with the last guy, who seemed to believe from the second date on that we would marry, have a bunch of kids and survive beautifully in the world. Of course, he forgot to include such small details as getting to know each other, being able to afford to live, finishing school, and, uhm, liking each other. The fact that I broke up with someone who actually wanted to start planning a wedding proves that I'm not desperate to walk down the aisle.
I do want to get married and have children, and yes, I'd prefer to do that sooner rather than later, BUT, and here's the important part that seems to slip through the cracks, I want to have a happy life. I want to provide for my children. I don't want to go have to shoulder the financial burden of supporting a household all on my own, nor do I want to go on welfare. Being prepared for marriage and having a family does actually factor into my life plan. It's not like I'm going to start planning a wedding on the first date with whatever guy happens to ask me out next.
While it's frustrating that I can put in an application and get a job, complete some projects and get a graduate degree, but can't follow a set process to find a good quality boyfriend to whom I would like to be married someday, I also have developed some patience. I understand and do believe (though it's hard at times) that the right man for me is out there, and that I'll find him and we'll have a life together. That doesn't mean that every man in the Bay Area should go running the other way when I enter the room, just in case I decide that tonight's the night someone's gonna make me a mommy.
I am much less in "need" of a boyfriend than I was, say, a year ago, but I still very much want to become a wife and mother. I cannot remember a time in my life when I didn't want to "grow up and be a mommy." What's wrong with that?
We can say we want to be doctors, lawyers, teachers, writers, librarians, psychologists, activists, actors, singers, dancers and pretty much anything else, but if women say they want to be mothers, men protect their best swimmers and run the other way. Why is that?
As soon as a guy learns that I want kids, he starts thinking that I plan to peg him down and immediately start reproducing. And there are a wacky few who are disappointed when that's not what I want.
The fact is, I want just as real, and just as slow-to-develop, a relationship as someone who may never want to marry and have kids. I'm not desperate, but I think that whether or not I intend to, I might come across that way.
That's probably how I got myself in the situation with the last guy, who seemed to believe from the second date on that we would marry, have a bunch of kids and survive beautifully in the world. Of course, he forgot to include such small details as getting to know each other, being able to afford to live, finishing school, and, uhm, liking each other. The fact that I broke up with someone who actually wanted to start planning a wedding proves that I'm not desperate to walk down the aisle.
I do want to get married and have children, and yes, I'd prefer to do that sooner rather than later, BUT, and here's the important part that seems to slip through the cracks, I want to have a happy life. I want to provide for my children. I don't want to go have to shoulder the financial burden of supporting a household all on my own, nor do I want to go on welfare. Being prepared for marriage and having a family does actually factor into my life plan. It's not like I'm going to start planning a wedding on the first date with whatever guy happens to ask me out next.
While it's frustrating that I can put in an application and get a job, complete some projects and get a graduate degree, but can't follow a set process to find a good quality boyfriend to whom I would like to be married someday, I also have developed some patience. I understand and do believe (though it's hard at times) that the right man for me is out there, and that I'll find him and we'll have a life together. That doesn't mean that every man in the Bay Area should go running the other way when I enter the room, just in case I decide that tonight's the night someone's gonna make me a mommy.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
This could still be the slight fever talking, but here goes:
I don't want to be someone's back-up plan. Do you remember that episode of friends where they all sort out who will be the other's back-up person? Joey and Phoebe..Monica and Chandler...well, I don't mind being THAT kind of back-up plan, but I don't want to be someone's backup in the here and now.
Don't be a wimp. Don't be "indifferent" (my new favorite word thanks to Pride and Prejudice). If a man is interested in a woman, he should take her on a real date not a pseudo-date during which only HE decides if it's a date or not.
I'm not saying that every man needs to pull out all the stops on a first date...that's a little frightening, in fact. But it should be clear that this is a date and not a friends-thing. Sure, the guy feels like he's playing it safe, but the girl just winds up feeling confused and second-best.
Luckily, I know it's not only me who has to deal with this nonsense, but seriously, guys, pull yourselves together and ask the women you like on a proper date.
I don't want to be someone's back-up plan. Do you remember that episode of friends where they all sort out who will be the other's back-up person? Joey and Phoebe..Monica and Chandler...well, I don't mind being THAT kind of back-up plan, but I don't want to be someone's backup in the here and now.
Don't be a wimp. Don't be "indifferent" (my new favorite word thanks to Pride and Prejudice). If a man is interested in a woman, he should take her on a real date not a pseudo-date during which only HE decides if it's a date or not.
I'm not saying that every man needs to pull out all the stops on a first date...that's a little frightening, in fact. But it should be clear that this is a date and not a friends-thing. Sure, the guy feels like he's playing it safe, but the girl just winds up feeling confused and second-best.
Luckily, I know it's not only me who has to deal with this nonsense, but seriously, guys, pull yourselves together and ask the women you like on a proper date.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
Friday, May 12, 2006
So, my mother's vague list of "boys you should date," has always looked a little something like this:
1) Good Catholic Boy
2) Nice Jewish Boy
She cares little about race or ethnicity, but cares almost entirely that the man I marry has religion and will treat me well (to be interpreted in a variety of ways)
I've wondered, and I still wonder, why Catholic boys are called "Good" and Jewish boys are called "Nice." Does anyone have any idea?
Anyway, after more experiences with not-so-good Catholic boys than I care to remember, I wonder if it's time to move onto the second category on the list.
Also according to my mother, Catholic and Jewish makes for a particularly compatible mix...particularly when the girl is Catholic.
We'll see, I suppose.
1) Good Catholic Boy
2) Nice Jewish Boy
She cares little about race or ethnicity, but cares almost entirely that the man I marry has religion and will treat me well (to be interpreted in a variety of ways)
I've wondered, and I still wonder, why Catholic boys are called "Good" and Jewish boys are called "Nice." Does anyone have any idea?
Anyway, after more experiences with not-so-good Catholic boys than I care to remember, I wonder if it's time to move onto the second category on the list.
Also according to my mother, Catholic and Jewish makes for a particularly compatible mix...particularly when the girl is Catholic.
We'll see, I suppose.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Well, it's all over but the graduatin'!
At approximately 10 p.m. last night, I submitted my final assignment...a long course project for my cataloging class, and that's it. No more school. It's over just like that.
What's next? I'm bored!
Just kidding! (That's INSANE!)
I am a girl who gets bored easily (and everyone already knows that), so I have to make sure that I keep myself busy and don't feel tempted to apply for Ph.D. program too soon. I think I'd like to have a life where I don't have to say, "I can't. I've got homework." How about if I have that life for five to ten years...or maybe forever.
In my career field, I don't need a Ph.D., and it might be a bit pretentious to get one, especially so young and especially when I have no real experience as a librarian. This is the part where I get job experience. No, wait, this is the part when I have a career!
Okay, so you can all breathe a sigh of relief, as I now have one less thing to complain about :).
Seriously, what's next?!
Friday, May 05, 2006
I seriously think that I am allergic to grad school. This semester (from January until now), my body has not been very agreeable. I'll spare you the details, but suffice it to say that I hope come "the end of May" (my proverbial light at the end of the tunnel), I won't have done any permanent damage.
I don't think I've told all of my "loyal readers," BUT I did pass my culminating experience - WHOO-HOO!
Remember those whiney-posts about not understanding the purpose of these research papers where I couldn't get any assistance from my professors? Well, those papers were turned in and approved! SO, that means that I officially get to graduate and put grad school behind me.
This last week, I've been focusing on finishing my one remaining class...early. I don't have to have everything turned in until May 20, but I NEED. TO. BE. DONE. So, I am barrelling through, have completed three of my last four tasks and now have only the daunting course project to finish.
As I've worked, my mind has wandered (I'm still me, after all), and I've realized how lucky I am to have the supportive family and friends that I do. I've also realized how God does have a plan and a reason. I would never have completed or even attempted this program had I been married, or had I been married with kids, and I'm grateful that I didn't have to choose between school and family.
In any case, I am SO looking forward to getting back into the swing of life post-school. I'm rather tired of thinking about myself and/or school all the time.
I'll also be able to do more than complain to my friends. I'm hoping to be able to provide more of a support system than need one.
So, that's my story for today...and I am so glad that it's Friday!
I don't think I've told all of my "loyal readers," BUT I did pass my culminating experience - WHOO-HOO!
Remember those whiney-posts about not understanding the purpose of these research papers where I couldn't get any assistance from my professors? Well, those papers were turned in and approved! SO, that means that I officially get to graduate and put grad school behind me.
This last week, I've been focusing on finishing my one remaining class...early. I don't have to have everything turned in until May 20, but I NEED. TO. BE. DONE. So, I am barrelling through, have completed three of my last four tasks and now have only the daunting course project to finish.
As I've worked, my mind has wandered (I'm still me, after all), and I've realized how lucky I am to have the supportive family and friends that I do. I've also realized how God does have a plan and a reason. I would never have completed or even attempted this program had I been married, or had I been married with kids, and I'm grateful that I didn't have to choose between school and family.
In any case, I am SO looking forward to getting back into the swing of life post-school. I'm rather tired of thinking about myself and/or school all the time.
I'll also be able to do more than complain to my friends. I'm hoping to be able to provide more of a support system than need one.
So, that's my story for today...and I am so glad that it's Friday!
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
"No matter what he does, every person on earth plays a central role in the history of the world. And normally he doesn't know it."
From The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.
In reading this book, I am coming, once again, to believe whole-heartedly in omens, signs and "gut feelings," but this particular quote really stands out to me.
The quote refers to the Centurion who asked Jesus to save his dying servant saying, "My Lord, I am not worthy that you should come under my roof. But only speak a word and my servant will be healed" (pg. 158).
Before receiving Communion, every Catholic says, "Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word, and I shall be healed." This one man's words had an influence on the order of the mass, on the way Catholics and Christians view themselves in relation to Jesus...and likely, he never knew what an impact he had on the world.
There are many people who have had an incredibly positive impact on my life, but seeing as it is HIS BIRTHDAY, I have to talk about my dad...someone who gets surprisingly little attention in this blog!
He doesn't read the blog (for good reason), but I will say: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DADDY!
Whatever else you might say about him, say this first: My father is a fine and honorable man. He does what is right and constantly challenges me to the same. We have a strong relationship, and I look for him for guidance on how to proceed with my life. As my mom says, "sometimes he says just the thing you needed but would never have thought of yourself." It's true. He sees the world from a different perspective than a lot of people. He expects goodness from others and is surprised when he doesn't get it. He's also willing to put up with a lot more than I am when it comes to being disrespected. I think, deep at the heart, he believes that if he continues to show respect, eventually that person will get the hint. That, or he's got that "turn the other cheek" thing down pat.
Whenever I think of my dad, I see him standing tall, with the sun shining behind him, like a conquering hero who has just vanquished the enemy. My father is a protector and a role model. I am honored to be my father's daughter.
My father has made a lasting impression on my life, and I am sure that he has changed the lives of others, whether it be the people he works with, the clients he serves, or simply random people he encounters as he goes about his life. I hope that he has a magnificent birthday! He certainly deserves it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DADDY!
From The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.
In reading this book, I am coming, once again, to believe whole-heartedly in omens, signs and "gut feelings," but this particular quote really stands out to me.
The quote refers to the Centurion who asked Jesus to save his dying servant saying, "My Lord, I am not worthy that you should come under my roof. But only speak a word and my servant will be healed" (pg. 158).
Before receiving Communion, every Catholic says, "Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word, and I shall be healed." This one man's words had an influence on the order of the mass, on the way Catholics and Christians view themselves in relation to Jesus...and likely, he never knew what an impact he had on the world.
There are many people who have had an incredibly positive impact on my life, but seeing as it is HIS BIRTHDAY, I have to talk about my dad...someone who gets surprisingly little attention in this blog!
He doesn't read the blog (for good reason), but I will say: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DADDY!
Whatever else you might say about him, say this first: My father is a fine and honorable man. He does what is right and constantly challenges me to the same. We have a strong relationship, and I look for him for guidance on how to proceed with my life. As my mom says, "sometimes he says just the thing you needed but would never have thought of yourself." It's true. He sees the world from a different perspective than a lot of people. He expects goodness from others and is surprised when he doesn't get it. He's also willing to put up with a lot more than I am when it comes to being disrespected. I think, deep at the heart, he believes that if he continues to show respect, eventually that person will get the hint. That, or he's got that "turn the other cheek" thing down pat.
Whenever I think of my dad, I see him standing tall, with the sun shining behind him, like a conquering hero who has just vanquished the enemy. My father is a protector and a role model. I am honored to be my father's daughter.
My father has made a lasting impression on my life, and I am sure that he has changed the lives of others, whether it be the people he works with, the clients he serves, or simply random people he encounters as he goes about his life. I hope that he has a magnificent birthday! He certainly deserves it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DADDY!
Monday, May 01, 2006
What a lovely weekend :).
Aside from me not getting one lick of schoolwork done (you knew there had to be at least one complaint), it was pretty much a perfect weekend.
One of the best parts - if not THE best part - of the weekend was going to Sunset Ministry in San Francisco and seeing Hayley get baptized. I really admire her for taking the step to stand up in front of a room full of people and say, "Yes, I want to be a Christian."
While my religion is part of my daily life, my parents chose to have me baptized (and I've got the pictures of me in a looooong, white baby dress to prove it), and it's a different thing altogether to decide on your own to take that important step. So, I admire Hayley, and I'm proud of and for her.
Over the last several months, I've had the opportunity to get to know Hayley in a different way than I knew her in college, and it's awesome to see the changes in her. Don't get me wrong, she's still totally Hayley, and that should never change, but there's something else, too, a new kind of peace and light. Some of that change can be attributed to being in love, but I also think that it has come as a result of finding comfort in God.
I've never known a new Christian/Catholic before they decided to get baptized, and I think it's something that everyone should experience at least once in life.
I've always seen a quiet strength in Hayley, but it's really blossomed over the last several years, and I'm lucky to have been a witness to it!
Congratulations, Hayley, and thank you for letting me be there to witness your baptism!
Aside from me not getting one lick of schoolwork done (you knew there had to be at least one complaint), it was pretty much a perfect weekend.
One of the best parts - if not THE best part - of the weekend was going to Sunset Ministry in San Francisco and seeing Hayley get baptized. I really admire her for taking the step to stand up in front of a room full of people and say, "Yes, I want to be a Christian."
While my religion is part of my daily life, my parents chose to have me baptized (and I've got the pictures of me in a looooong, white baby dress to prove it), and it's a different thing altogether to decide on your own to take that important step. So, I admire Hayley, and I'm proud of and for her.
Over the last several months, I've had the opportunity to get to know Hayley in a different way than I knew her in college, and it's awesome to see the changes in her. Don't get me wrong, she's still totally Hayley, and that should never change, but there's something else, too, a new kind of peace and light. Some of that change can be attributed to being in love, but I also think that it has come as a result of finding comfort in God.
I've never known a new Christian/Catholic before they decided to get baptized, and I think it's something that everyone should experience at least once in life.
I've always seen a quiet strength in Hayley, but it's really blossomed over the last several years, and I'm lucky to have been a witness to it!
Congratulations, Hayley, and thank you for letting me be there to witness your baptism!
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