The view I would see everyday if living in my dream neighborhood. 

A mansion in Sea Cliff (now, I'd LOVE to live in this dream neighborhood, but this house just seems a little too much). 

The view from the 7th floor of the tower in the De Young Museum - there is no art up on that floor, just a panoramic view of the city...the city itself becomes the art. 

How cool are these sculptures? I saw these on a PBS special before getting to see them live at the De Young Museum.  

Every once in a while the random forwards from my grandmother have some little quote that I want to remember. Here's one:

"Stop telling God how big your storm is.
Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!"

It's amazing to discover how much of myself I had really started to lose. It wasn't just the relationship. It was the relationship AND school AND work AND all of the little details that aren't exactly part of the relationship but that go into it (talking about the relationship, thinking about the relationship, gah!).

I'm thrilled to be getting back to me and starting again to do the things that I love, instead of having to keep wracking my brain for something that will entertain someone else. I'm making a sincere effort to return to my creative side. I don't think I can muster up the energy to write a short story, but I will start taking pictures again (I have already). If I want to claim that I'm a "photographer," than I suppose I ought to get started with taking pictures again (please don't use the picture from the concert as any sort of a measure for my photo taking abilities). Not to worry, portraits aren't my speciality, so I don't think I'll start annoying anyone by having my camera in your face all the time.

That said, I did like being in a relationship, and I would like to have one again. On the other hand, I have really learned the meaning of the words, "You can't hurry love." I can't force myself or anyone else to feel something that just isn't there. It's also not worth it to give up on so many of my values in order to have this "thing," this relationship that I seem to crave.

Okay, no more boy/relationship posts for a while...I think we could all use a break from that!

Onto more exciting things.

Although the concert was a couple of weeks ago, I have to comment on the Black Eyed Peas/Gwen Stefani show.
1) The Peas were awesome (although their ghetto booty song is really disturbing) and high energy.
2) Gwen Stefani needs a band. She needs the rest of No Doubt. She has quite the array of costumes and really great hair, but she's just not the same without the naked drummer :).
3) "Three White Guys" Bar (I refuse to use the Spanish translation) made for a fab pre-concert dinner, mostly because 5 people ate for $33...you can't match that inside HP Pavilion, that's for sure!
4) It was so wonderful to see Hayley and Marie at the same time - wow, two, count them, two friends at once! Plus, lately it's so rare to see Marie, it's just great to see her at all!

In other news, I'm really digging the Bible study with H & B. It's just what I needed in so many different ways, and I thank them both for letting me join in so far into their studying!

Oh, and it's always worth it to not get home until 12 midnight, just so I can stay up and watch the ever-sexy Richard Gere become a changed man in the arms of Debra Winger (who, like Gwen Stefani, also has great hair...hmmm...I sense a haircut coming up), especially when watching the movie with people who truly appreciate it! "Way to go, Paula! Way to go!"

Whahoo...it's BEP...I mean Black Eyed Peas (What what!) 

Sometimes it seems like I ought to just go live in a cabin with some guy named Bodhi, have children named Willow and Skye, set aside my material goals and live happily ever after....but that could just be the fever talking...

DC was a blast! I felt smarter as soon as the plane landed, haha.

After day wandering the Library of Congress, the National Archives and visiting the Hope Diamond, I felt like I hadn't lost my brain afterall! It's good to feed the brain every once in a while.

Not to worry, though, on Sunday, I went SHOPPING. Actually, bought just a couple of things at the fabulous H&M (gotta love that store) and mostly ogled the fancy things in the furniture stores - seriously, I saw a $28,000 bed canopy! Who has that kind of money?

It was nice to get away (and nice to come home again to my lil fam), and I was so happy to see my friend again after nearly two and a half years! This just prooves that friendships that exist almost entirely on e-mail can last! We were friends in Boston and kept in touch after we both fled the city. It was actually really funny when we were sort of reminiscing about the bit of time we were there, and my friend's boyfriend said to her, "But I thought you hated Boston." Apparently it's not just me who finds the city much more appealing in retrospect!

So, here' s to DC, here's to time away from the familiar, and here's to my theme song of the moment:

I gotta shake you off
Cause the loving ain't the same
And you keep on playing games
Like you know I'm here to stay
I gotta shake you off
Just like the Calgon commercial
I really gotta get up outta here
And go somewhere
I gotta shake you off
Gotta make that move
Find somebody who
Appreciated all the love I give
Boy I gotta shake you off
Gotta do what's best for me
Baby and that means I gotta
Shake you off

I've gotten some odd looks that ask the question, "Why did you stay if you knew something was wrong?"

I have a good answer for that:
The first 2-3 weeks were great - the "honeymoon phase," where I learned the good stuff
The second 2-3 weeks were bumpy - I learned some things I didn't like, but I was invested enough to keep moving forward
The final 2-3 weeks were laced with doubt - As I tried to integrate acceptance as a new emotion for me, I recognized that I just can't settle.

He's the perfect guy for someone, but not for me...

P.S. I noticed this on my own blog from like four months ago and find it particularly apt at the current time:
Exit strategies will come along when they are necessary but should not necessarily be thought out ahead of time. That sounds odd, but if you need to get out, you'll know how.

The second issue of the e-mail: What happens next?

Next, I live my life for a few weeks! I get back into the heart of schoolwork and actually LEARN SOMETHING! I spend time with my family and friends (and my poor, crying pets), and I get my life back on track. I re-evaluate my priorities.

Already, I have learned from this that I am willing to wait for a better quality relationship. For the first time in my life, I'm NOT in a hurry...

It's "me" in the sense that my values and goals are most certainly coming into play in this situation.

There are certain things that I just cannot accept, and he's hitting on so many of them right now. If these are things that matter to me, then I need to follow my heart and get out of this.

They do matter.

I'm getting out.

Hey, I really got some great experience out of this, uh, experience. I've learned a lot about how to be a girlfriend, how to juggle family, friends, school, work, volunteering and romance, but I also learned a lot about myself, in general.

Thanks to all for your kind support during this whole relationship. I'll keep you posted on the soap opera that is my love life.

Here's my problem in a nutshell:

You Want Security
You like stability and security in your relationships and in life in general. You want a partner who communicates in word and deed that he is committed to you so that you always feel on stable ground in the relationship. You also want someone who will establish a solid (and safe) lifestyle with you and not force you to take high stakes risks...

You Want Autonomy
It almost seems paradoxical, because while you do seek meaningful relationships in your life, and enjoy the company of others, you also enjoy your independence to do what you like to do. This is true for most BLUES because you spend so much time caring for others, connecting with them, and worrying about making things perfect, that you like to have your free time not to have to worry about those things.

Trouble in "paradise" (I don't think it's ever been there without the quotes).

This is either the first fight or the end.

I'll let you know.

Right now, it feels like it's over.