Well, I did ask for brutal honesty. I just didn't expect to get it from total strangers. Thanks, "Mr. Driller," I'll consider your comments and think about how I might go about being a bit less of a fool.
Now, as for the self-involved comment. I think the mere fact that I keep a blog about my "tedious life," as you call it, makes that seem quite obvious, don't you think?
Thank you, Irene, for the point-counter point style response from the male perspective. I think that men and women are getting a bit tired of the demands we make on each other. Movies and tv have led us to believe we deserve (and will get) something totally different than what is available in the real world. I understand that, but perhaps I'm not quite ready to let go of my expectations of my smart-alec knight in shining armor just yet.
* * * * * *
Onto other things (and I promise to refrain from writing about my man problems for at least a month, deal?).
The world is clearly in a state of flux:
* Katie Holmes is engaged to Tom Cruise
* Michelle Williams (Jen from Dawson's Creek, NOT from Destiny's Child) is having Heath Ledger's Baby
* A big hill in Vacaville was on fire yesterday, and smoke flooded the area. Seriously, you could see the flames from three miles away.
* A fight broke out it our little neighborhood Safeway
* That same Safeway thinks it's okay to charge $16.99 a pound for goat cheese
* Complete strangers are commenting on my blog
Thank you, and good night.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Really, I need someone to explain this to me. Why is that we are told as kids to think about what we want in life and go for it but then life plays this cruel, cruel joke where only some people get what they want?
After two disgusting and disturbing dates, I'm feeling a bit, uhm, cranky at the moment about the whole getting married and having kids thing. It's what I want the most in all the world, but even online, I'm not good enough for the guys I'd like to date, and the ones who are interested really do make me feel sick to my stomach.
Is this the lesson? Am I going to have to settle? I refuse to settle.
I'm not kidding about this, so read closely: If you have an idea about why I can't hold on to a guy for more than 3 dates, please, let me know. If you have an idea about why I attract only the fugly guys tell me (and be brutally honest - if you think I need a nose job or something, tell me. I'm not going to get a nose job, but I want to know).
I've often heard so-called "relationship experts" tell their clients, "The only thing the same in all of your failed relationship is you." Well, that means that I'm the only thing I can work on. I can't blame the guys, I have to fix ME.
So, tell me what you think.
Is there something unlovable about me? Am I too bossy? Do I need to be more feminine? I'm not saying that I CAN actually change any of these things, but I'd like to know what it is I need to work on.
If the thing I want the most in life I can't seem to get, there has to be something I can do to fix it. You all know me. You know that I'm determined and stubborn and hard headed. Now, help me figure out what I need to do in order to be a good/better girlfriend/future wife.
Thank you for your advice.
Seriously, be brutally honest.
p.s. maybe growing up around really independent women or maybe being a member of a sorority without a self-confidence problem has hurt me in someway. Do I think I'm much better than I really am? Am I always going to be the "dog" at the party? Or is this all because I don't put out? HELP ME!
After two disgusting and disturbing dates, I'm feeling a bit, uhm, cranky at the moment about the whole getting married and having kids thing. It's what I want the most in all the world, but even online, I'm not good enough for the guys I'd like to date, and the ones who are interested really do make me feel sick to my stomach.
Is this the lesson? Am I going to have to settle? I refuse to settle.
I'm not kidding about this, so read closely: If you have an idea about why I can't hold on to a guy for more than 3 dates, please, let me know. If you have an idea about why I attract only the fugly guys tell me (and be brutally honest - if you think I need a nose job or something, tell me. I'm not going to get a nose job, but I want to know).
I've often heard so-called "relationship experts" tell their clients, "The only thing the same in all of your failed relationship is you." Well, that means that I'm the only thing I can work on. I can't blame the guys, I have to fix ME.
So, tell me what you think.
Is there something unlovable about me? Am I too bossy? Do I need to be more feminine? I'm not saying that I CAN actually change any of these things, but I'd like to know what it is I need to work on.
If the thing I want the most in life I can't seem to get, there has to be something I can do to fix it. You all know me. You know that I'm determined and stubborn and hard headed. Now, help me figure out what I need to do in order to be a good/better girlfriend/future wife.
Thank you for your advice.
Seriously, be brutally honest.
p.s. maybe growing up around really independent women or maybe being a member of a sorority without a self-confidence problem has hurt me in someway. Do I think I'm much better than I really am? Am I always going to be the "dog" at the party? Or is this all because I don't put out? HELP ME!
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Today, I held a five day old baby boy in my arms.
I rocked him as I sat in a chair, and he fell asleep, his tiny head nestled on my arm. It was miraculous.
This litte baby saved his mama's life. His mama is a client at the place where I volunteer, and she is a 37 year old former drug addict who is now clean and sober and living in a clean and sober place. Her little angel saved her life and made my day.
I still feel so at peace after holding this sleeping baby. He opened his eyes a few times at looked right into mine. He has wise eyes. As soon as I saw him, I said, "Now this one's got an old soul. He's full of wisdom." His mom agrees that he looks like a little old man. She says, "Doesn't he look like he should be sitting there with a velvet jacket and a pipe?"
It was an amazing experience to hold that sleeping little baby in my arms, and I feel truly blessed to have experienced it. I can only hope that it's a message from God about my near future :).
I rocked him as I sat in a chair, and he fell asleep, his tiny head nestled on my arm. It was miraculous.
This litte baby saved his mama's life. His mama is a client at the place where I volunteer, and she is a 37 year old former drug addict who is now clean and sober and living in a clean and sober place. Her little angel saved her life and made my day.
I still feel so at peace after holding this sleeping baby. He opened his eyes a few times at looked right into mine. He has wise eyes. As soon as I saw him, I said, "Now this one's got an old soul. He's full of wisdom." His mom agrees that he looks like a little old man. She says, "Doesn't he look like he should be sitting there with a velvet jacket and a pipe?"
It was an amazing experience to hold that sleeping little baby in my arms, and I feel truly blessed to have experienced it. I can only hope that it's a message from God about my near future :).
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Favorite song line of the moment:
"I find I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind."
from Howie Day's "Collide."
Best movie seen in the last month:
Pieces of April
It's shocking, but even with all of the hoopla surrounding Katie Holmes, who stars in the movie, right now, this was a really good movie. It's the first one in like six months that I've just watched straight through. Lately, it's taken me a week or so to get through a whole movie.
Favorite Mommy quote ('cause there always is one):
"You know, I hate to say this, but God really does seem to enjoy messing with you."
Most unexpected quote from a fellow library school student about the head of our department:
"She is fu*$ing off the wall."
Just have to share this moment from church:
Our pastor on Father's day,"Even though your children have broken your hearts, you still love them."
Thanks for the positive words, Fr. Seb, thanks a million.
"I find I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind."
from Howie Day's "Collide."
Best movie seen in the last month:
Pieces of April
It's shocking, but even with all of the hoopla surrounding Katie Holmes, who stars in the movie, right now, this was a really good movie. It's the first one in like six months that I've just watched straight through. Lately, it's taken me a week or so to get through a whole movie.
Favorite Mommy quote ('cause there always is one):
"You know, I hate to say this, but God really does seem to enjoy messing with you."
Most unexpected quote from a fellow library school student about the head of our department:
"She is fu*$ing off the wall."
Just have to share this moment from church:
Our pastor on Father's day,"Even though your children have broken your hearts, you still love them."
Thanks for the positive words, Fr. Seb, thanks a million.
oh, and, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, DADDY!
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Seeing as how I am in the middle of watching Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, I shall tell my story in the appropriate manner.
Irene and Sarah Go to San Francisco
On the way to Alameda to pick up Ms. Irene, I was delayed by a CHP officer swerving across the road. He rapidly drove across all lanes of traffic in a zig zag pattern. Eventually, after traffic had sufficiently slowed, Mr. CHP parked his car, and got out, hand in the air, halting traffic. He proceeded to the slow lane, put on what appeared to be a latex glove, picked up a piece of drywall from the road, and threw it off the freeway. He then got back into his car and sped away.
I eventually arrived in Alameda, picked up Irene, and headed off to the city. Heading into Oakland, we realized that we had forgotten to go eat lunch at Sushi House (clearly I had not recovered from Mr. Zig Zag CHP). So, I said, "Well, do you want to go back, or do you want to eat in the city?"
Irene says, "Do you know anywhere in the city?"
I said, "Do you know how to get to Japan Town?" I decided that we should both know our way around the city, having gone there so much since infancy. I decided that the geography of the city should "be in our blood."
It's a big city, and we wanted Sushi, so we decided on Japan Town. Irene knew the muni route to Japan Town (great use of those observational skills learned at Cal!), and we made it to our destination. It was cold, and my sweater was in the car, but, all was well, because Irene had an extra shirt in her purse. Thanks for sharing!
We decided against the strange, left-out all day sushi at the all you can eat place, avoided any place with a plastic food display in the window, and finally settled down for some soba and udon. Mmmm. Then, we went shopping! The little Japanese market is sooooo cool. Irene and I both bought little porcelin tea servers for $2, I got an eyelash curler for $1 (later saw the same exact one for almost $10 at another store), and we both left happy.
We proceeded to head in what we thought was the general direction of the Presidio, took a left at a fork in the road and started seeing the avenues. Irene checked the yahoo maps directions, and guess what, SF is in our blood! We were heading to the Legion of Honor without even knowing what heck we were doing...awesome!
Sooooo, we get to the Legion of Honor, go to the bathroom (thank you Green Tea) and who do we see? Hayley! Hayley was in the bathroom at the Legion of Honor! How random! She was in town showing her parents the wedding site and celebrating Ryan's graduation (what a fast year). We wandered around the Anti-Fashion exhibit with her - seriously, who decides that it's a good idea to stick pins out from the inside of a dress and call it art, and the birth control dress was quite ironic, yah?
After getting our fill of art for the day, and saying bye to Hayley, we drove around Sea Cliff to drool over the houses (I WILL live there one day, and you can come over and make fun of my snobby neighbors as we sip tea from my little $2 teapot on the deck overlooking the Pacific ocean, with my little blue Civic proudly parked in the driveway - and the Volvo XC90 in the garage :Þ).
Full of hope for the future (okay, full of longing for gorgeous houses and the lives that go with them), we headed to North Beach...well, we more or less found our way there, drove around for an hour and found parking. It might not have been an hour, but we did find a perfect little Tinka sized parking lot, that Irene oh so patiently helped me park in.
We decided against the "bougie Buena Sera" restauarants with no prices on the menu and headed into the famous Steps of Rome Cafe. Okay, if up until this point, our luck had been great, and we had cars waving me through when it wasn't my turn, people politely informing us that if we wanted to visit the museum (we had just left), it was closed, and otherwise being just plain nice, it takes a weird turn here. Steps of Rome and our primavera, was our White Castle.
We were led (by a cute Italian playboy with his hand on my back) to a corner table by the window. And we were left there, until the not-so-cute Italian gayboy with a a piercing in the space between his nose and his lip, reluctantly came to take our order. I ordered the appetizer and the Primavera and asked for some bread. WE WERE STARVING!
We sat. Eventually someone brought bread. We watched the people outside get their dinner. Our appetizer came (it was yummy but didn't last long). Our water glasses got low. The bachelorette party with their penis pacifiers and loud shouts of glee everytime one of the waiters kissed the bride-to-be at the table next to us got wine and salad and bread and water. We waited. Finally, Mr. Piercing asked if we wanted anything else. I said that we were waiting for our pasta. He said, "Oh" and left. We waited. We talked. We examined our relationships (or, in my case, my lack of one). We talked some more. The guys outside left, and an affectionate couple sat down. We commented that two hot guys walking by hand in hand were a "straight-up-waste," (ladies, you know what I mean). We waited. I finally went to tell Mr. Hand On My Back that we had ordered over an hour ago and never gotten our pasta. He came over and touched our shoulders and asked us for more information. Mr. Pierce came and touched our shoulders and said that we hadn't ordered pasta. Mr. Mexican Bus Boy came and asked us if we were done, so we told him about the pasta. Then, Mr. Hand On My Back came over and said he was taking care of it. Mr. Bus Boy, in between running around and bussing tables mouthed, "It's coming!"
And at long last.
We got our steaming hot plate of Primavera, and you know what, it was worth the wait!
Then we waited for the check.
One of the party girls at the table next to us said, "You could just walk out without the check, and they'd never notice."
Still, we waited.
And the check arrived.
And we paid our $25 for 2 hours in a kitchy, fun, famous restaurant and figured that the money they lost on the people who didn't sit at our table was enough retribution. Mr. Pierce touched my shoulder on the way out and apologized.
Then, we went to Stella, and despite the mile long line, we found a table, just waiting for us, and we had some yummy dessert.
After satisfying our sweet teeth (that sounds funny), we went back to the car and magically found our way back out of the city.
So, Irene and Sarah went to San Francisco and had a lovely time. We saw art, we shopped, we took pictures of gorgeous scenery, we were touched by cute, non-smarmy (but still totally player) Italian guys, we ate yummy food, Hayley had a cameo appearance, and we made it home in one piece.
No, Neil Patrick Harris didn't steal my car, and we didn't ride a cheetah, but we did have fun :).
I eventually arrived in Alameda, picked up Irene, and headed off to the city. Heading into Oakland, we realized that we had forgotten to go eat lunch at Sushi House (clearly I had not recovered from Mr. Zig Zag CHP). So, I said, "Well, do you want to go back, or do you want to eat in the city?"
Irene says, "Do you know anywhere in the city?"
I said, "Do you know how to get to Japan Town?" I decided that we should both know our way around the city, having gone there so much since infancy. I decided that the geography of the city should "be in our blood."
It's a big city, and we wanted Sushi, so we decided on Japan Town. Irene knew the muni route to Japan Town (great use of those observational skills learned at Cal!), and we made it to our destination. It was cold, and my sweater was in the car, but, all was well, because Irene had an extra shirt in her purse. Thanks for sharing!
We decided against the strange, left-out all day sushi at the all you can eat place, avoided any place with a plastic food display in the window, and finally settled down for some soba and udon. Mmmm. Then, we went shopping! The little Japanese market is sooooo cool. Irene and I both bought little porcelin tea servers for $2, I got an eyelash curler for $1 (later saw the same exact one for almost $10 at another store), and we both left happy.
We proceeded to head in what we thought was the general direction of the Presidio, took a left at a fork in the road and started seeing the avenues. Irene checked the yahoo maps directions, and guess what, SF is in our blood! We were heading to the Legion of Honor without even knowing what heck we were doing...awesome!
Sooooo, we get to the Legion of Honor, go to the bathroom (thank you Green Tea) and who do we see? Hayley! Hayley was in the bathroom at the Legion of Honor! How random! She was in town showing her parents the wedding site and celebrating Ryan's graduation (what a fast year). We wandered around the Anti-Fashion exhibit with her - seriously, who decides that it's a good idea to stick pins out from the inside of a dress and call it art, and the birth control dress was quite ironic, yah?
After getting our fill of art for the day, and saying bye to Hayley, we drove around Sea Cliff to drool over the houses (I WILL live there one day, and you can come over and make fun of my snobby neighbors as we sip tea from my little $2 teapot on the deck overlooking the Pacific ocean, with my little blue Civic proudly parked in the driveway - and the Volvo XC90 in the garage :Þ).
Full of hope for the future (okay, full of longing for gorgeous houses and the lives that go with them), we headed to North Beach...well, we more or less found our way there, drove around for an hour and found parking. It might not have been an hour, but we did find a perfect little Tinka sized parking lot, that Irene oh so patiently helped me park in.
We decided against the "bougie Buena Sera" restauarants with no prices on the menu and headed into the famous Steps of Rome Cafe. Okay, if up until this point, our luck had been great, and we had cars waving me through when it wasn't my turn, people politely informing us that if we wanted to visit the museum (we had just left), it was closed, and otherwise being just plain nice, it takes a weird turn here. Steps of Rome and our primavera, was our White Castle.
We were led (by a cute Italian playboy with his hand on my back) to a corner table by the window. And we were left there, until the not-so-cute Italian gayboy with a a piercing in the space between his nose and his lip, reluctantly came to take our order. I ordered the appetizer and the Primavera and asked for some bread. WE WERE STARVING!
We sat. Eventually someone brought bread. We watched the people outside get their dinner. Our appetizer came (it was yummy but didn't last long). Our water glasses got low. The bachelorette party with their penis pacifiers and loud shouts of glee everytime one of the waiters kissed the bride-to-be at the table next to us got wine and salad and bread and water. We waited. Finally, Mr. Piercing asked if we wanted anything else. I said that we were waiting for our pasta. He said, "Oh" and left. We waited. We talked. We examined our relationships (or, in my case, my lack of one). We talked some more. The guys outside left, and an affectionate couple sat down. We commented that two hot guys walking by hand in hand were a "straight-up-waste," (ladies, you know what I mean). We waited. I finally went to tell Mr. Hand On My Back that we had ordered over an hour ago and never gotten our pasta. He came over and touched our shoulders and asked us for more information. Mr. Pierce came and touched our shoulders and said that we hadn't ordered pasta. Mr. Mexican Bus Boy came and asked us if we were done, so we told him about the pasta. Then, Mr. Hand On My Back came over and said he was taking care of it. Mr. Bus Boy, in between running around and bussing tables mouthed, "It's coming!"
And at long last.
We got our steaming hot plate of Primavera, and you know what, it was worth the wait!
Then we waited for the check.
One of the party girls at the table next to us said, "You could just walk out without the check, and they'd never notice."
Still, we waited.
And the check arrived.
And we paid our $25 for 2 hours in a kitchy, fun, famous restaurant and figured that the money they lost on the people who didn't sit at our table was enough retribution. Mr. Pierce touched my shoulder on the way out and apologized.
Then, we went to Stella, and despite the mile long line, we found a table, just waiting for us, and we had some yummy dessert.
After satisfying our sweet teeth (that sounds funny), we went back to the car and magically found our way back out of the city.
So, Irene and Sarah went to San Francisco and had a lovely time. We saw art, we shopped, we took pictures of gorgeous scenery, we were touched by cute, non-smarmy (but still totally player) Italian guys, we ate yummy food, Hayley had a cameo appearance, and we made it home in one piece.
No, Neil Patrick Harris didn't steal my car, and we didn't ride a cheetah, but we did have fun :).
Friday, June 10, 2005
I just have to share this - it's too funny not to post!
Okay, so one of the dating sites matched me with someone, and this is what the site says:
Below are some of the important interests that you and INSERT NAME OF GUY HERE share:
Eating
Cars
Walking
Eating, cars, walking...wow, now that's something that I, no we, can really use to build a relationship on, don't you think.
Gosh, I didn't realize before that I needed to have "eating" and "walking" in common with my dates! That's what's been missing all along! Why didn't I think of that?
Okay, so one of the dating sites matched me with someone, and this is what the site says:
Below are some of the important interests that you and INSERT NAME OF GUY HERE share:
Eating
Cars
Walking
Eating, cars, walking...wow, now that's something that I, no we, can really use to build a relationship on, don't you think.
Gosh, I didn't realize before that I needed to have "eating" and "walking" in common with my dates! That's what's been missing all along! Why didn't I think of that?
Monday, June 06, 2005
For all of my single friends out there, not including those who run around saying they are single but have been seeing the same guy since July (you know who you are), if you need an ego boost, if you need to be reminded that there are non-smarmy guys out there just waiting to meet you. They're on http://www.match.com.
I cannot vouch for these guys entirely, as I haven't met any face to face, but hey, I've only been on the website for a little over a week...I need some time!
In any case, remember my posting a while ago about 8 minute dating, and how it felt nice to be the one getting attention, well, this is serving the same purpose, except that I would actually like to have a real conversation with some of these guys.
I have to say that I'm impressed.
Be forewarned that I may have a totally different story when it comes down to actually meeting someone on match, but right now, it's just great to be getting chased!
On a weird family note, apparently we are not high class enough to be invited to France for a "society" wedding (actually, only the bride's parents are being invited, because the rest of the family is just not up to snuff - the groom comes from BIG money, and his sister is married to some oil magnate and lives in the Middle East). Only certain people who speak a certain dialect of French were privileged enough to attend the engagement party at a mansion in the Pyranees mountains outside of Lourdes, and only certain people who speak a certain dialect of French are invited to the high society wedding at an undisclosed fancy pants location. Oh, if only the bride knew that she is a child borne out of an affair, but shhh, only everyone in the family but her knows that she's the one who really isn't "high society." Do you think I'm kidding? Do you think that I'm just whining about not being invited to my cousin's wedding? Oh, no, I am all too serious, and all I can do is laugh and laugh and laugh, because seriously, high society? Who cares?
We are, however, invited, and very much expected to attend, the wedding of a distant cousin in Poland in August...the invite came via an answering machine message.
My family is bizarre, and both sides operate under rules that I do not yet know and perhaps never will.
I cannot vouch for these guys entirely, as I haven't met any face to face, but hey, I've only been on the website for a little over a week...I need some time!
In any case, remember my posting a while ago about 8 minute dating, and how it felt nice to be the one getting attention, well, this is serving the same purpose, except that I would actually like to have a real conversation with some of these guys.
I have to say that I'm impressed.
Be forewarned that I may have a totally different story when it comes down to actually meeting someone on match, but right now, it's just great to be getting chased!
On a weird family note, apparently we are not high class enough to be invited to France for a "society" wedding (actually, only the bride's parents are being invited, because the rest of the family is just not up to snuff - the groom comes from BIG money, and his sister is married to some oil magnate and lives in the Middle East). Only certain people who speak a certain dialect of French were privileged enough to attend the engagement party at a mansion in the Pyranees mountains outside of Lourdes, and only certain people who speak a certain dialect of French are invited to the high society wedding at an undisclosed fancy pants location. Oh, if only the bride knew that she is a child borne out of an affair, but shhh, only everyone in the family but her knows that she's the one who really isn't "high society." Do you think I'm kidding? Do you think that I'm just whining about not being invited to my cousin's wedding? Oh, no, I am all too serious, and all I can do is laugh and laugh and laugh, because seriously, high society? Who cares?
We are, however, invited, and very much expected to attend, the wedding of a distant cousin in Poland in August...the invite came via an answering machine message.
My family is bizarre, and both sides operate under rules that I do not yet know and perhaps never will.
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