HAPPY J.J. DAY! HAPPY J.J. DAY!! HAPPY J.J. DAY!!!

Thanks to all those who remembered me on my birthday. I really appreciate your prayers and thoughtfulness. It's nice to be loved :). I am truly blessed. Thank you for your endless love and support (especially recently). I LOVE YOU!

Wow. 2 days till the big 2-2....hmmm...I'm getting used to the idea. Mostly, because I think that next year (January at the earliest), I'll be on the road to making my dreams come true - as scary as that is!

Lyrics I love:

I believed in you, even though you never asked me to (Josh Groban)

What you're missin' is me (Jack Johnson)

CAL BEAT STANFURD CAL BEAT STANFURD...WE HAVE THE AXE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You know it, you tell the story, you tell the whole DAMN WORLD this is BEAR TERRITORY!!!! (I don't usually curse, but it's a BEAR tradition!!) GO BEARS!!!!!!!!!!!! GO BIG BLUE! GO BEARS!

(this almost makes up for the Giants losing the World Series)

I LOVE MY JOB. Okay, so the 4 hour round trip commute..not so much fun - but I actually get A LOT of reading done on BART, so I can't complain! I know that I wouldn't necessarily choose to work with the groups that my organization directly supports (let's just say, if you haven't figured it out, that I'm pretty conservative), but I love that I'm getting to explore the Non-Profit world. Still, it's unreal. I read two books directed to the wealthy who have money to give away. Now, in my world. $200 is a large sum. REALLY large. In these books, when they say, "large sum." They'll add the following "usually around $250,000." Ayeayeayeayeaye!!! Now that's a lot of money! And that's not income..that's give away money! Incredible. I guess it's good that these people want to give the money away, but it's just mind boggling that they have that much money in the first place..

One more thing:

Jeff Kent, do you really NEED $6 Million a year????

I am so glad that I've always been smart, rather than popular. I know someone who is currently experiencing high school from the "popular" perspective, and it's very interesting to observe from the outside. She talks about people who study until 2 a.m. and says, "I mean...GET A LIFE." She also says that she doesn't have time to fill out applications for scholarships. So, how is she going to pay for college? Well..she'll just go to the JC. Some people may not have the brains or the money to get into a really good 4 year school...but state schools provide an excellent education at a lower cost. Did she think of this? No. As a matter of fact, she doesn't even know the date of her high school graduation, much less the due date for her community college paperwork. It's sad, really, to watch someone who used to be REALLY smart go from that to someone who's ashamed of B's, to someone who can say with acceptance, and even a bit of pride, that she "doesn't have the grades" to get into UC Santa Barbara. How can you not have time to work on your future? To plan how to escape small-town monatony? How can you care so little about yourself? I guess it just takes time..but after all those lonely weekends in high school, wishing I had more friends to hang out with and a few boys to like me, I'm glad that I spent hours on my homework and experienced the joy of true friendship, instead.

I had one of those weird dreams again last night. This time, a lot of really random stuff was going on, and weird stuff was being said. One of the weirdest - and sort of best parts - of the dream happened in an Ace Hardware Store. As I was leaving the store with my mom, I saw my elementary school crush..the first boy I ever liked - so, of course, he is perfect in my memory!! Except, he wasn't perfect. Still, I thought that "maybe this was it." And I should go talk to him. Maybe my story would turn out so that I get with the guy I liked when I was 10. Maybe. But it wouldn't happen unless I went back into that store. So, I went back into the store. I looked for the crush and saw him from a distance, but I ended up talking to another worker, and we totally hit it off. I completely forgot about the crush from the past. Then, the dream trailed off into an alternate reality...so I don't know how that ended up. But it was really quite good. I thought my story might go one way, and it went in a completely different direction. Hmm....

You know what? I have a serious problem.

Today was my first day of my new internship. It was a great day, and by the end of it, I gradually felt my brain coming back into use after much too long on the shelf. Still, after all that excitement - after surviving the journey to and from the Outer Mission District....do you know the most prevalent thought on my mind???? Do you??? I bet you can guess??

Yup, that's right.

It's that same old nagging thought.

I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND.

Gee...I wonder why.

Good night.

Currently, I have four jobs. But as Jessica said, one doesn't count, because Friday is my last day. Everyone seems happy about that. I know I am. I just started to feel..icky. I don't mind getting dirty in the sense of working in the mud, then coming home to clean up, but I don't like getting dirty everyday at work just because I can't find a sink anywhere! It's gross. My work shirt, formerly black & white striped, turned sort of grayish over the last few weeks.My fingernails perpetually have dirt underneath...and I just feel disgusting. Like I said, I don't mind getting dirty, but I hate being dirty all day, everyday. I start to feel bad about myself...and I start to regress. I don't like that. It's time to move on!!

Who out there thinks it's okay to toss back a Schmirnoff (or however you spell it) when you have a 3 year old, a 2 year old and a 3 month old at home?? Some people at work think that this is okay. This is a BIG part of why I am leaving!

Alright, that's it. Oh, and the new name for Walnut Creek is Wasp Creek - I'll change it back (maybe) if I ever marry some hot, rich, WASPy guy..but I don't see that happening EVER.

Off to SF tomorrow!! Wish me luck!!